How do I even begin now? OUI

[Lost & Found]

Hey guys,
I've been drinking close to a pint of vodka a day and doing opiates as much as my checks allow me to (i stopped stealing for drugs, esp. heroin a long time ago). Ill get high on 4 30s about 2-3 times a week and deal with it or get a sub in between. Anyway, I got a DUI a couple weeks ago which has made my life absolutely miserable. I had just bought my car a year ago and it cost 25g's which kept me from spending on some amount of bad stuff and got me access to the girls I've wanted to chill with. I knew I wanted to get better when I had my car and everything (atleast I had some pussy then) but now that I need to I can't get to meetings or I'll just end up in some stupid self-loathing addict bullshit mindspeak. I've been to detox, rehabs, outpatients, meetings...fucking everything for every drug and it just always comes back. I'm doing well in school and keeping a job (by some miracle)- but I want to live for a change, not squeak by. Anyone else with similar experiences?

 

[Phenethylamine420]

When i was 8 i was diagnosed with
conduct disorder. I would steal from
people and stores, i would constantly try
to start fights with people. When i was 14
i beat the living hell out of some kid in my
class and was sent to CYOC as i was
charged for assault. This continued up
until i was 16 when i ended up stealing 3
grand from my parents. They sent me to
a mental ward in a hospital for a long-
term mental assessment. During this time
i was restrained both physically and
chemically 16 times for trying to attack
the nurses and other patients. I would
also manipulate and try and turn people
against each other. All of this seemed to
provide me with a "rush" like no other. At
the age of 18 i was diagnosed with
Antisocial Personality Disorder. I was
released from the hospital 8 months after
my diagnosis. This is when i started to
abuse drugs heavily after someone at a
pub offered me some coke. I would steal
from my "friends" just to buy drugs. I was
using heroin and coke heavily sometimes
together. I still continue to use and face
my own "demons" every second of my
waking life.

hey P420, typically we don't cross-post (re: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=9101195&postcount=4).

Gonna leave this up, though since it somewhat relates to the OP's question
(ProTip: You may want to reformat so its easier to read) - OverDone