How did this happen?

jaystrees

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 31, 2014
Messages
8
I never thought that this would ever, ever happen to me. I've tried to deny it to myself, but I've finally come to a conclusion that I am addicted to Adderall. And it is pretty severe. I allow myself 7 pills a week, one for each day, which is what I am prescribed to do. However, I usually end up taking all 7 within the first couple of days. I give the rest to my friend to ensure I don't go over that amount in a week, but I think it still has left devastating effects on me. My memory is completely shot. The days I don't take Adderall, I won't want to do a thing. I'll wake up exhausted, I don't get anything accomplished, I just sit around and eat all day. My head feels so cloudy, I'm confused often and I feel as if I'm going insane. My life has turned into going day-to-day waiting for that next Adderall, and I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of only being productive on the days I have Adderall. The thing is, I can't just stop. Getting a prescription every month is bad enough, but now they just prescribed me an additional 15mg a day, which I take the 7 I allow myself weekly fairly quickly as well. I know it's damaging my body, I know it's terrible for me and my health, and it's no way to live. But I fear what life would be like if I didn't have Adderall. I'd just sit around on the couch all day. I'm too embarrassed to ask for help, and soon I'm just going to go overboard. This is definitely not the drug for me and I wish I had never been prescribed it. I can't believe that they prescribe this drug, especially to children, considering how I've let my life become a living hell. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, I'm scared to continue living like this, but I'm scared to live without Adderall as well.
 
Welcome to Bluelight and TDS.:)

There will be an adjustment period for your body as you come to know your energy natural levels. Amps give you a false sense of what your energy level should be. The biggest challenge is going to be motivation--in other words a psychological adjustment. If you are depressed it saps motivation to do things which naturally give you energy, like exercise and cooking healthy meals or pursuing interests that create energy simply through excitement. It might be easy to blame this on the lack on Adderall at first but if you commit to getting off and staying off, your body will adjust and then you can see if there are other issues that you need to deal with.

While it makes sense to fear such a huge change in your life, it really is doable and fear will only stop you from trying. I am presuming that you are young and in fairly good health. Maybe one way to approach it would be to wean yourself off while you are setting some external things in place like an exercise program--one that you can really stick to without too much hassle.
 
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