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How can I prevent my depression spilling it's toxicity onto my SO?

T

tennant90

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Joined
Feb 8, 2014
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neither here or over there
Hi guys. long time on here since I've messaged, but I always come here for the real questions as i know you are all decent folk.

I've had depression since the start of December. The cause of it is never known but at 28 I have a lot of ways to manage it.

However, yesterday, I had a really bad episode. Lots of paranoia and suicidal thoughts. It lasted a few hours but in that time I messaged my gf saying she deserves someone better, that we should break up ect. Safe to say she was all fgshufbdyhcrg about it as it's the first time this has happened since we started dating.

I can kinda see what caused this episode. Yesterday evening I also messaged her before the episode warning her that I could feel it bubbling and I feel I may loose control. However, this did not soften the blow. We are still together. I explained afterwards that this demon inside me will come out at times. We have been dating three months but in that time we have had a great time visiting places. She is very understanding.

Learning from my past, spilling my toxicity because of depression has ended my relationships. It's OK to do something once and say sorry. After a few times, it's safe to say people get sick of your shit. Which leads me to my question.

How can I prevent my depression being an absolute nob jock towards my SO? I feel that the episodes create their own insecurities and I believe them. Basically I don't want to do this again and would love any tips on how to prevent these sort of behaviours. It could be as easy as locking my phone away until it passes. But I don't want to do it again. Me and her deserve to build up on our relationship without these hiccups. But I want to reassure her by trying my best. Cos by the 5th time, you can't use depression as an excuse for being a dick.

Cheers guys, sorry for the long post but I hope others can relate and learn from my own experiences.

P.s I don't know if this belongs on this thread or the mental health thread.
 
Hey tennant, I feel you. I struggle with depression my whole life and it was often problematic for my relationships. But imho your partner should stick to you, especially when you're down. You said you were a dick. Idk what you mean by that exactly, but if you mean things like apathic behaviour, your gf has no right to hold this against you, as those are symptoms of your depression.
 
However, yesterday, I had a really bad episode. Lots of paranoia and suicidal thoughts. It lasted a few hours but in that time I messaged my gf saying she deserves someone better, that we should break up ect. Safe to say she was all fgshufbdyhcrg about it as it's the first time this has happened since we started dating.
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I'm sorry that happened to you.

That's not depression.

"A major depressive episode (MDE) is a period characterized by the symptoms of major depressive disorder. Sufferers primarily have a depressed mood for two weeks or more..."

Unprompted, severe, paranoid/suicidal episodes with high activity are not a normal symptom of depression. Depressed people usually don't reach out by texting. Furthermore:

I've had depression since the start of December.
Click to expand...

You mean you've been having these episodes since December, correct? Then why:

Learning from my past, spilling my toxicity because of depression has ended my relationships.
Click to expand...

You've had multiple relationships in the past five weeks OR you've had these kinds of rapid-cycling mood episodes over a longer period of time. The second one, right?

Look I'm sorry to be telling you like this... but... you have either cyclothymia or bipolar disorder type II. That's not depression, it's a mixed state.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_affective_state
"... such as despair, fatigue, morbid or suicidal ideation, racing thoughts, pressure of activity, and heightened irritability ..."

So the first thing you can do is... see a psychiatrist. Ask your doctor about Geodon (ziprasidone).
 
^do NOT attempt to diagnose people based on a post.

He asked how to deal with managing his behaviour around his SO, when he is experiencing anxiety and crippling, self-doubt.
 
Hi Tennant90,

I am sorry that you are having what sounds like terrible episodes of something. It could be a lot of things, including something physical underlying your "paranoia and suicidal thoughts." You need to be checked out by a medical doctor and then a psychiatrist. Don't put this off. There is help available, and you don't have to live like this.

Let us know what happens.
 
OP, go see a psychiatrist for evaluation and diagnosis. You should also start seeing a therapist.

I've had to learn to keep my depression to myself many times during relationships. You have to be with someone who is understanding of your feelings, but you can't constantly express your darkness to your partner. It does push people away. My ex used to even take my depression personally because it made him feel like he couldn't make me happy. It had nothing to do with him. It was so annoying.

Seeing a therapist will help you talk through those feelings and also start writing in a journal to express yourself. This place helps for venting too.
 
atara said:
I don't expect him to believe me, I expect him to see a doctor. I thought it was worth being a little scary. "Episodes" featuring suicidal ideation and impulsivity are a problem, you agree?
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yes and can be part of depression


OP how much excercise do you do? because honestly the way to dela with a lot of mental health issues is to excercise adequately.

if you drive to work, sit down and drive home then that alone is a bad recipe

diet also is such a big thing - foods with b vitamins and veg and lots of fish and chicken/banana's are what you want to be eating, but also things like caffeine and especially tobacco can make it a lot worse and ramp up the anxiety/ problems with sleeping

i have friends with bad depression and one of them is very reliant of excercise to maintain imself mentally, the other one is all over the place and drinks a lot. if i had to pick between the two excercise wont make you happy but it will lower anxiety somewhat


also remember that with depression sometimes you will do things to hurt yourself like try to spilt up even though you like her.

sometimes you have to fight these negative waves and realise it is your brain playing tricks on you

also go see a doctor because untreated is bad news when you are impulsive
 
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atara said:
I don't expect him to believe me, I expect him to see a doctor. I thought it was worth being a little scary. "Episodes" featuring suicidal ideation and impulsivity are a problem, you agree?
Click to expand...


Perhaps it is smart to state what is in the best interest of the OP, in an objective manner, if you are genuinely concerned for the OP's state than otherwise, don't you agree?
 
tennant90 said:
Hi guys. long time on here since I've messaged, but I always come here for the real questions as i know you are all decent folk.

I've had depression since the start of December. The cause of it is never known but at 28 I have a lot of ways to manage it.

However, yesterday, I had a really bad episode. Lots of paranoia and suicidal thoughts. It lasted a few hours but in that time I messaged my gf saying she deserves someone better, that we should break up ect. Safe to say she was all fgshufbdyhcrg about it as it's the first time this has happened since we started dating.

I can kinda see what caused this episode. Yesterday evening I also messaged her before the episode warning her that I could feel it bubbling and I feel I may loose control. However, this did not soften the blow. We are still together. I explained afterwards that this demon inside me will come out at times. We have been dating three months but in that time we have had a great time visiting places. She is very understanding.

Learning from my past, spilling my toxicity because of depression has ended my relationships. It's OK to do something once and say sorry. After a few times, it's safe to say people get sick of your shit. Which leads me to my question.

How can I prevent my depression being an absolute nob jock towards my SO? I feel that the episodes create their own insecurities and I believe them. Basically I don't want to do this again and would love any tips on how to prevent these sort of behaviours. It could be as easy as locking my phone away until it passes. But I don't want to do it again. Me and her deserve to build up on our relationship without these hiccups. But I want to reassure her by trying my best. Cos by the 5th time, you can't use depression as an excuse for being a dick.

Cheers guys, sorry for the long post but I hope others can relate and learn from my own experiences.

P.s I don't know if this belongs on this thread or the mental health thread.
Click to expand...

Everyone loses their shit sometimes. If you find it hard to establish boundaries, it could have more to do with learning about boundaries and how to deal with your emotions than an actual disorder.

This is a drug forum - if you have been under the influence of substances/coming down and have tended to lose control/insight - then, that is normal under the circumstances but it means that you have subjectively relenquished any sense of control by, being under the influence of a substance. ( by under the influence; its NOT a police term, it means that your homeostasis is out of whack ( RL is difficult at the best of times- so, any extraneous anomalies are to be expected and theres your answer - dont be an idiot - get your head straight)

IF, you feel lost with dealing with your insecurity as an individual who has had little support in your life and is trying their best to deal with a relationship where you feel you are barely holding it together, then you need support and guidance - NOT necessarily with a psych but with any other support - the last thing you need imho is some asshole who doesnt give a shit about you or your life perscribing you shit to keep their Mercedes insured.

Insecurity is normal - we all feel inadequate, to varying degrees. If it is inhibiting your relationship( that you want maybe you do/maybe you are in it for the wrong reasons - only you know) then perhaps a psychotherapist or more importantly a trustworthy group, or decent people are in order.
Stop doing shit, get your head together and get yourself ok with yourself ( relationships come and go) your mind and well-being is paramount. That should be your focus. Wish you the best man.
 
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Asclepius said:
Perhaps it is smart to state what is in the best interest of the OP, in an objective manner, if you are genuinely concerned for the OP's state than otherwise, don't you agree?
Click to expand...
It continues to be my objective/fact-oriented opinion that OP described symptoms which are not consistent with depression and which are consistent with bipolar disorder. You can't make a diagnosis on that basis, but what else would I say? I should have used words like "probably" and "apparently", but considering I'm an anonymous Internet commenter, sometimes I feel that stuff is implicit.

I think things like exercise and diet are great but in this case I feel the appropriate recommendation is "psychiatrist". There's just too much here that looks like a warning sign of mania:

"paranoia and suicidal thoughts"
"I could feel it bubbling and I feel I may loose control."
"I don't want to do this again and would love any tips on how to prevent these sort of behaviours." (he's not just sad: he can't control himself)
"I feel that the episodes create their own insecurities and I believe them." (delusions?)

If you're right, I'm being a dick on the Internet for no good reason. If I'm right, OP could wind up in a hospital, jail or morgue without treatment. Sue me.
 
'my objective opinion' is subjective! ok ok I get your intention, atara.

...I like the idea of suing someone for this reason however, I will have my people get back to your people about this, in due course.
 
Asclepius said:
Perhaps it is smart to state what is in the best interest of the OP, in an objective manner,
Click to expand...
"what is in the best interest" is necessarily subjective as there are no objective best interests. Objectively it doesn't matter if he's alive or dead. I have a personal preference for alive.
So I went with that whole "words are flexible" schtick.
 
Hi OP,

Are you in therapy? Are you on medication?

First things first, get yourself a therapist. This is very severe and you need more help.
 
I have many similar issues. I take two paths: minimizing the symptoms and curing the disease, so to speak.

Minimizing symptoms: create a boundary between your inside world and outside world. Sharing feelings is healthy but spewing out a panic attack is not, which is what you did. Learn that your anxiety/depression makes you mildly delusional, and keep those thoughts inside, let them pass.

The cure: exercise and practicing positive perspective, introspection, courage, growth, possibly with the aid of a trained psych-person
 
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