how bad is my problem?

[symmetry]

i understand it's all relative but i was just looking to get some opinions

started smoking weed about four years ago, have been more or less a daily user since with breaks throughout ranging from a few days to a few months but i've probably smoked more days than i haven't in these past four years.

experimented with oxycontin and fentanyl once or twice early in the year.

i started smoking meth around february of this year, mostly cut stuff, not very good quality but my tolerance was low obviously so i was still getting high. would usually get started on a friday night around midnightish and stay awake until sunday night. i did this every weekend from about february until june when i had to get shoulder surgery.

taken e about four times this year, snorted coke maybe three times.

after my surgery i snorted my oxycodone but usually at the prescribed (small) dose, with occasional binges. after the oxy script ran out i started taking valium which i would use mostly as prescribed but occasionally abuse. got a klonopin script and took about 100 .5mg in a month. switched back to valium and started taking about five 5mg tablets a day. mixed with weed throughout this period.

got back into meth around late july/early august and have been smoking once every two weeks or so since then, much higher quality stuff now.

still smoking weed everyday (until i run out) and now i've started drinking everyday while mixing with my valium (but at the prescribed dosage, i might take 15mg every once in a while instead of my prescribed 10mg).

all in all i feel like i'm maintaining pretty well but i mean, is this type of usage above the so called "recreational user" status? i can't imagine quitting drugs entirely at all and i'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

i assume it's kind of like a "if you're concerned you have a problem you probably do" type situation but the thing is nobody knows about all of this and i don't WANT to quit and i certainly don't want to have to reveal all this to my family so i'd still like to see if i could just sort this out on my own, or even just hope that it stays at this level and doesn't escalate too greatly. it's probably also not good that i have epilepsy and problems with depression and whatnot but i dunno

this is long and rambling and more for myself to kind of re-evaluate this year but i'd be interested in comments

 

[symmetry]

thanks very much for you reply

 

[b4rd]

Yea you have a problem and you know it . I have a very similar desire to use drungs , as do many people on this site do . Have you tried AA at all ? or NA rather \

 

[junglejuice]

^ I would recommend AA over NA.

AA welcomes addicts of all kinds and NA is notorious for being a place where people come to meet new connects. I knew a person who would always hit an NA meeting to find drugs when he was in a new city. Definitely not something that is conducive to sobriety.

:D

 

[KamMoye]

"(but at the prescribed dosage, i might take 15mg every once in a while instead of my prescribed 10mg)."

lol only cuz you just started.

@junglejuice: are the connects of good quality?

 

[junglejuice]

I have no idea, but it's fucked up that people are preying on addicts to make a buck like that, especially when they are vulnerable and actually seeking help. It's like the scene in Breaking Bad where Jessie and Badger go to meetings to try and find customers for their stuff...it really happens.

 

[symmetry]

"(but at the prescribed dosage, i might take 15mg every once in a while instead of my prescribed 10mg)."

lol only cuz you just started.

not really, started around june so i've been taking it for like six months

but yeah i think i've been pretty aware for a while now that i have issues and just needed an outside source to verify it

just found out i'm getting evicted from my house and the first thing i did was make a drink and drop a valium. kinda seems like this might be a turning point because i've got nowhere to smoke gear now, so i'm either gonna sink lower and start ripping and running or alternatively i might be able to just quit now

also i always wondered if that thing from breaking bad actually happens because it seemed like it probably would. probably just get rolled more often than not but it's interesting

 

[GABAlover]

Mate, you are on a slow but sure path to crippling addiction. Get help now!

 

[oliphill]

If you are using something daily then yes you have a problem. You are escaping from yourself every single day. You need to give your brain a break once in a while. You should try to just use at weekends or twice a week or something at least for now, and then try to make it a one off thing now and again.

Like Scotty said, have a break for a little while, try it out and see if you are in control of the drugs or they are in control of you.

..it really happens.

What a ridiculous generalisation. I've been to 100's of na meetings never seen it happen. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but there is no way what you have said should put people off na as it is such a rare occurance, i mean i never even seen anything like that happen ever!

 

[Legerity]

It's not as simple as having or not having a problem. Drug use is functional, people don't get high without a reason, even if the reasons may be unconscious.

Why don't you ask yourself if your drug use is an effective solution instead. Is it providing you with whatever you are hoping that it provides? Or is it adding unnecessary stress to your body and mind?

Look at whether it is impacting your mental health, energy, peace of mind, etc, and then you'll have the answer as to whether it is a "problem" for you or not. It's easy to label something as an outside observer but you know better than anybody what the actual consequences of your use are.

 

[symmetry]

that's what confuses me though

it basically is providing me with what i want it to and not really adding too much unnecessary stress to my body or mind (besides cravings i guess and i assume the meth has got to be bad for my epilepsy even though i've seen no real evidence of that yet)

my mental health doesn't seem to have declined too dramatically but it was never of a high standard anyway. but i could just be justifying my drug use and ignoring the signs of my decline

i guess the fact of the matter is that it's unhealthy to be dependent on substances, as much as i seem to be managing it reasonably well

 

[stuckinaloop]

^ I would recommend AA over NA.

AA welcomes addicts of all kinds and NA is notorious for being a place where people come to meet new connects. I knew a person who would always hit an NA meeting to find drugs when he was in a new city. Definitely not something that is conducive to sobriety.

:D

This has got to be the dumbest shit i've read in a long time on BL.

 

[Cohesion]

i saw a bunch of "a day" and "everyday" in your story above. you def need (should) to stop using Valium, Klonopin, and benzos of any kind. Snorting you prescribed dose of opiates.....Your doing so to simply get high, not to treat your symptoms, you know this. Stay away from Opiates of any kind. STAY AWAY FROM METH, PERIOD. Cocaine, once in a blue moon wont hurt much, seeing as though you have already graduated to Meth. Booze....Shouldn't do it everyday, try to stay away from hard liquor, and if your gonna have some drinks, dont have more than 3 or 4 drinks if your drinking by yourself. At a social event, more booze is warranted. Marijuana by itself is near harmless, the only downside to pot is the laws forbidding its existence, so be careful.

Bottom line, it may not be full blown addiction YET, but you have def developed a habit of getting high off of something every single day. Yes, from what your have shared here, you do have a problem, but its not mega serious yet, but it only gets worse, not better. I know you dont want to stop, i didn't either

This!

 

[Cohesion]

You might be "maintaining", but You sound clearly detached from the real harm your body is absorbing.

You know you've got problems ahead, but you've gotta wean yourself down! Or do yourself a favor and do as I and many others do, (after 8 years of dipping in & out of polydrug use) - Go to the dr. and get your drug of choice at the pharmacy. Pretty much you don't have to be all poly-> Just pick the best one for you and be done with it.


"it basically is providing me with what i want it to and not really adding too much unnecessary stress to my body or mind (besides cravings i guess and i assume the meth has got to be bad for my epilepsy even though i've seen no real evidence of that yet)

my mental health doesn't seem to have declined too dramatically but it was never of a high standard anyway. but i could just be justifying my drug use and ignoring the signs of my decline"

It sounds like you have no real opinion on your health?

I'm not pointing fingers; I'm only able to give you hassle because I am more guilty. I'll leave it thar

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

The drugs your using... opiates, methamphetamine... are highly addictive and I don't know anyone who is a recreational user with any of those. If you can see it now go get help. It will only get harder to stop.

And I'm with oliphill, what a stupid generalization to make about an ENTIRE program. You can find connects and drinking buddies in AA as well. I've been to some great NA meetings that I actually preferred over many AA... and some AA meeting that I preferred over some NA meetings...every meeting is different. It's about finding the MEETINGS that you like, that is what will keep you sober, having a home group and a good sponsor and going to meetings you get something out of regularly. I know some people who prefer NA over AA and the other way around, but that's because the programs are slightly different, not because NA is a fucking drug-free-for-all. There are some bad meetings in BOTH programs but every single NA meeting in the WORLD is not going to be what junglejuice described.

 

[Opioid420z]

Symmetry dude... you sound just like me a few years back man... Totally, except for the meth, and epilpsey. I"d just becareful and like we all said, take a break for 24 hrs, if you can. See if you can sleep one night without using anything for 24 hrs, if indeed your drug of choice is not using opiates everyday, then mabye you have a chance. If you have been using benzo's everyday or opiates everyday try and stop for 24 hrs. See if you can sleep, thats the real test if your addicted. See if your arms and legs stay calm and your anxiety stay's low. If you get angry, depressed, anxiety, and can't sleep then really consider cutting back and tapering down and taking a break for a week or 2. See if you can do that......

I"m stuck right now figuring out wether I should go to methadone maintenance clinic or detox and stop using. I just took my 2 urine tests for the clinic and they came up mad positive for oxycodone and thc. I'm doing an intake tommorrow cause I just wana stop giving drug dealers my hard hard earned money, while still living a normal life. I have to work and pay rent and bills, yet I"m so addicted to oxy and my dosage is roughly 150mgs to just over 200mgs depending upon how I feel. Thats mega bucks with 30's of roxi being about 20 bucks mabye less by a few bucks to 15 a pop, yet that shit is so expensive and lasts for so little time, then boom.... WD!!! I wana get off this shit completely and never look back at oxy, for it is a fuck'n cycle of absolute unsustainable madness which in turn bites you in the ass for being sooooo nice to it.... I don't know if I should use the clinic or just detox for a week and be done with it..... I'm so scared.... Any advice would be so appreciated for I really didn't wana start a new thread.....

 

[Legerity]

that's what confuses me though

it basically is providing me with what i want it to and not really adding too much unnecessary stress to my body or mind (besides cravings i guess and i assume the meth has got to be bad for my epilepsy even though i've seen no real evidence of that yet)

my mental health doesn't seem to have declined too dramatically but it was never of a high standard anyway. but i could just be justifying my drug use and ignoring the signs of my decline

I guess the fact of the matter is that it's unhealthy to be dependent on substances, as much as i seem to be managing it reasonably well

That's true that the signs of decline can often be ignored or attributed to other factors. If you say that you mental health was never great to begin with then that can be a good starting point to explore the underlying reasons for your drug use. I assume you have some level of anxiety if you are prescribed benzos, which is something that can easily cause drug use to escalate.

We all self-medicate in some form, with or without drugs. Drug use seems to be the way that is most obvious and frowned upon though. If you can be as self-aware as possible it is easier to make conscious decisions rather than be controlled by unconscious survival instincts.