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Welcome How Are You in One Word vs wait! Just one?!

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Undecided

I feel exited , happy , irritated with my boyfriend, guilty for feeling irritated because there is so much more going on , sad because I had to put my dog down 3 weeks ago , his bed is here next to me, confused and afraid about some things, I tried to take a second to come up with one word

maybe OVERWHELMED
Maybe I'm not .... idk !
Am I CONFUSED. ?
No
I know ! ! !
I'm HUNGRY !!!!
 
Undecided is a good word. I have to laugh because I have a tendency to feel hopeful and hopeless all at the same time.

I'm grateful to still be alive. I can look back at my posts on this site and see all the ways I should've been dead.
 
Glad i made some of you smile with my last post ;), it's so true! I dunno if Ralph Lauren is an alcoholic.

I feel obligated.
Was 'voluntold' the other day to go and speak with some teenage boys about ..my struggles with addiction and alcoholism?
Not 100% sure,and i hate being told that i have to do anything, I'd rather me be the one that volunteers for such task,and i have no problem doing.
My mind likes to play tricks on me,and lets me know that the 'higher uppers'picked me because how sick i am,and me living is some miracle.

Not going to go out of my way to impress these kids, want to go as myself,and like i said before..not as a dressed up dumpster.


Eyyyy Dixiechick, whats up girl?
 
Testimony...Ds, we have to survive the "tests" in order to have a testimony. You are doing the right thing for your future. You do YOU. You have much to offer in your sobriety. Protect it above all, but DO share your experience with others.
 
DixiChik said:
Testimony...Ds, we have to survive the "tests" in order to have a testimony. You are doing the right thing for your future. You do YOU. You have much to offer in your sobriety. Protect it above all, but DO share your experience with others.
Click to expand...

Tests, thats a good way to call those! I like to call that my self-conscious telling me that i should listen to it,and not my higher power.
Most defently i share my experience with others,if it doesnt help them then it helps me for sure. Hope you have a good night and day tommorow:).

I am tired, just got finished with this deep clean i have to do, clean the kitchen spotless,well ibreally didnt do anything,i just gave out the jobs,and i just supervised making sure the job gets done. Now its time to sleep,and wake up around 6:30am!

----

I have had a headache all morning, Its caffeine related I'm almost sure of it. I can easily fix that eheh.
 
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Anger.

I asked a family member for a ride to my psychiatrist appointment next week and she says she can't. I never ever ride in her car. She constantly rides her sorry ass fiancé around in it though for every little thing. This appointment is only a couple of minutes. The psychiatrist basically just writes prescriptions and sends you on your way. I ask one fucking time for a ride and she says she can't. You cannot rely on people. I see it more and more. She will pay for it later in life though. You cannot treat your kids like shit and not expect to pay the price when you're older. It will just take me so much longer to ride a bus back and forth for such a short appointment.

I digress...That really pissed me off though.

It heightens fear inside of me that I'm just on my own basically. She knows I'm not mentally well. I have to find some kind of way to be able to make it on my own. It's just scary, especially when you don't feel competent.
 
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Family issues can be quite frustrating.

Slow - really need a good night of sleep.
 
More anger and frustration. What is "family" if they don't even understand you? It means absolutely nothing. An ex from a decade ago speaks to me better and understands me more than my own fucking family.

My aunt came over and I overheard her conversation with my grandmother. She told someone else in my family who hasn't seen me in a while that "She barely comes out of her room when I'm there so good luck with that."

Really, that's all you can say about me? Let me explain to you guys that I see my aunt and she is closer to my situation than most of my family. She knows damn well I have issues and that's all she could say about me? How about explaining I'm sick. How about explaining I've been here taking care of my grandmother when your bitch ass just comes to visit. You don't take care of her. She can go fuck herself. It just hurts knowing what family says about you. They don't have my back.

If I do end my life one day, I wonder what they will say at my funeral. I don't even care. People are going to think what they want about you. They will not speak true about your character. It's discouraging.
 
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Sorry to hear about the family problems that you're dealing with c2c. Thats kind of the reason I left 'home' when I turned 18, hell I left the state when I became 'of age'.
Not saying I don't speak with my family, I know its better for everyone if I do 'drew' while they do what they do.

I am feeling hungry (just ordered some pizza fries from a local pizzeria), also checked out some cool documentaries about the cosmos,and weather. Plus some movies. All from the local library.

Had a decent day, just been busy.
 
Don't say that CTC.

Your family cares about you and we all have family issues and it's always tricky. I have had infinite discussions with my parents so did my friend and relatives and after a period of time things get back to normal. This is just a phase and it will pass. We all have gone into ugly fights with family and there's always about someone but then this can all change and then it's all about someone else. Most families I know are like that at one time or another. ;)
 
I guess I'm just sick of being judged and looked down on. I would've moved out a lot younger if I weren't so afraid. I have moments of strength, but many times I'm scared. Ugh...At least I looked into hypnotherapy for next month. Something's gotta give. Thanks guys. XO
 
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