• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

How are you in one word vs. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Disappointed

The place I was going to work was really far and off the bus route. It's not worth working 12hr days for min wage... ugh. But I got a message back from a different place thats way closer. It's just part time tho. Oh well its something.
 
^Good alone or not comfortable alone? I'm a PM away if you need an ear.;)

me: craving to travel alone again
 
Confused

I've managed to get myself into a system I don't understand & hopefully doesn't completely fuck me.
I am good at manipulation as such I can play most of the people I've dealt with / have to deal with, but I don't want my life controlled by others, or to be forced onto medications. Also I want my medications back, as I feel horrible atm & have since the hospital decided to remove my Somax3 daily, Valium 5mg x3 daily, Dilaudid 8mg x6 daily, also from Morphine 60 ER x3 daily to x2 Daily. Note this is much less stuff than I've been on in the past, so it's even worse being cut off as I've been on higher doses of stronger things for years, or at least equivalents so w/d's are more intense/drawn out.

I have super fast metabolism & now I'm sick 8-12hrs a day, along with painful violent BM's that knock me out for 6-8hrs, plus they put me on Remeron knowing TCA's (Trazadone in particular) don't agree with me. Well Remeron (Mirtazapine) is a TeCA but still, it isn't exactly working out great. I also have major pre-existing GI issues to where I was eating about 750 calories a day now with this damn Remeron I find myself eating 3500 on average according to my spreadsheets & that's fucking me up as well. They also decided to mess with my bowel regiment. I see my personal physician / pain doc Monday, hoping this can be fixed.

Though now I'm in the system & have to go to out patient counseling etc., & that's what has me confused I know nothing about the system as I've never been near it. Only reason I am is due to the horrible advice of a family member, :(
For more info you can see the the threads I posted in, in TDS & Mental Health, forums I have previously never frequented.
But this whole thing has me so scared & fucked up that I've turned to BL as it's one of the only places I know to go, as in RL my friends/family have either turned on me or are of no help besides lip service :(

It appears that this thread is more for short posts, as such I digress. But if anyone reads my posts in the other threads, or can give me any info/advice just from this one if they don't have the time it would be much appreciated.
Sorry if anything doesn't fit into the forums properly though I did read the guidelines, just not familiar with these forums as there not where I used to frequent.

Feel free to PM as I don't want to clutter the thread.
 
THECATINTHEHAT said:
Pathetic
Click to expand...

Self Loathing is such a difficult one, I find it feels like there is n way out sometimes. I hate myself for my own self pity ....

Cut yourself a break and know that you've helped me cheer up a bit these last 24hrs
 
Looking

In-side and out-ward today. Not looking 'for' some-thing. This is the difference between looking for perfect moments in some private heaven that do not exist for lasting satisfaction. Not the reality… just a delusion that keeps me separated from ME.

I cannot fully meet myself somewhere else but here… Life isn't easy but it's better and somewhat fulfilling today
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top