Horrible child support situation

MynameisnotDeja

MynameisnotDeja

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Mar 4, 2003
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PLease help if you can! I wasn't sure if I should post this here or in legal or second opinion so move if you need to, I'm sorry.

I need help for a friend.

He and I have been living together for awhile, we were/are sorta still in a relationship but are kind of splitting apart and going our seperate ways now, but thats another story. For this I'll just call him my friend, because he is.

We have lived here for about 7 months now. When we moved here (about 30 minutes away from where we both lived before), my friend took primary custody of his son. Prior to our move, he and his son's mother lived in the same apartment complex, and they shared custody (one week on, one week off). This was not a legal set up. They just agreed to this, which is not good I know, the whole time I felt like they should have had a legal set up in case anything happens. My friends son is four years old, turning five in July.

Well usually the boys mother takes him from friday night til sunday afternoon. She has not fought this arrangement at all, and often times seems to have some bullshit excuse why she cannot take him. She didn't have a job for a year or so and is a disgusting waste of life, seriously don't even get me started, it seems her daily three packs of cigarettes are more important to her than her little boy.

Well at one point, some bullshit happened where she dropped her son off at a babysitters (during the weekend, when she was SUPPOSED to be visiting with him) and abandoned him there. My friend ended up getting a call at like ten o clock at night telling him to come get his son because this bitch wasn't coming back. So he did, and when he did he talked to the babysitter (a friend of HERS) and another friend of hers. They BOTH told him about the shit that has been going on, including but not limited to:

1)That day the reason she left was to go with her boyfriend to run drugs to someone in the prison.
2)she has been DRUGGING the boy up with overdoses of benedryl so she can "handle him". She claims he has "allergies". He has never had a problem at our house.
3)she apparantly gets wasted on hard alcohol and pills when she is supposed to be watching him.
4)She doesn't feed him adquate meals
5)There have been more than one instances of him getting hurt and she has not cleaned his cuts or taken care of him
6) One weekened where she had him for four days because it was a holiday, he came back and told us she hadn't had him brush his teeth the entire time.

These are just a few of the things. Well after that my friend took the boy and refused to give him back. This went on for two weeks and during that time he has gone and met with a laywer to try and begin the fight for custody. The lawyer recomended that he GIVE the boy back to his mother for the weekends because he said taking him and never letting her see him could be used against him.

So right now he is in the process of getting the paternity test, and going through a long long process of paperwork to take her to court for custody.

Okay. That's the first half (God bless you if you keep reading).

Well A week or two ago, he got two things in the mail. The first, was his tax return. It was basically a slip of paper saying that his return had been taken to pay his back child support. We were like WHAT? Child support?? I was like "That has to be a mistake." Then he gets what is supposed to be his six hundred dollar stimulus check. Same thing. All six hundred taken to pay back child support.

So he goes to the child support office and they tell him that THIS FUCKING BITCH, has been claiming welfare, claiming that SHE has had the little boy in her custody FULL time, the entire time we have lived here and he has been living with US five and a half days a week!!!!!

And I guess its automatic, when a mother claims welfare they go after the dad for child support.

:X

Okay, it's not over. SO he goes to the welfare office and tells them whats going on, and they basically shrug him off and tell him there is nothing they can do. The head of investigations ACTUALLY SAID:

"We don't have time to go investigating every situation."

Now they are taking his wages, which means he is going to not be able to make rent here (he was moving out anyway but he doesn't have anywhere to go right now and WILL be homeless). He has lost over a thousand dollars already for child support for the CHILD THAT HE HAS TOTAL CUSTODY OF.

So after the welfare office blew him off his father went into a fit of fury and somehow got ahold of the district attourney. SHE is saying that he should NOT give the boy back to her (she is homeless right now anyway). I say the same thing. I don't trust her at all. One time he had a seizure when he got home from her house (of course, when I was the only one there with him, it was fucking frightening) and I just know it's because she drugged him with something. He used to come home from her house every time like a zombie, when he is normally a very active kid you can't get to shut up for anything.

I feel so upset for my friend. He is a good man and has done EVERYTHING for this little boy. She does nothing for him and he does everything. And now every penny of his earnings are gone. The six hundred dollar stimulus check was supposed to go for an out of town trip for his fifth birthday that had already been planned. This is crushing. I just want to cry for both of them.

Is there anything else we can do here? Isn't this welfare fraud on her part? Why won't they do anything about it? Please someone help, I want to help him so bad, I don't know what to do. ANY help would be very appreciated.
 
holy.shit.

well that is some fucked up circumstances right there...it seems like your friend needs legal advice, not emotional advice (although he very well may need emotional support from you or somebody else).

I don't really know anything about the law...except that it is biased in favor of mothers...even if they are barely hanging on 3-pack a day slobs....they still usually win. I think he needs EVIDENCE against her though...

sorry I couldn't be of more help...

samadhi smiles
 
Your friend needs a lawyer.

I think this is best sent to legal, since it's moved out of the emotional realm and well into the legal. Best of luck.
 
I'm going through custody/support issues with my son's mother. Things to keep in mind:

1. Your friend should file a petition for custody ASAP. If he already has de facto custody, making it legal will go a long way to reducing payments he may have to make to the mother in the future.

2. When it comes to family court issues, patience is indeed a virtue. I used to pull my hair out over the bullshit petitions my wife would file against me. Now I kind of laugh them off, cause you know what? If you show up to court well-dressed and well-mannered, the judge usually will see through the lies and scams. Things slowly resolve in favor of the righteous, and eventually your friend will see this to be true.

So good luck to him and try not to get too emotional every time the mother files a petition--have patience.
 
Yeah I've just been telling him that he has done all he can for today (tomorrow he is supposed to go BACK to child support office after the district attourney has spoken with them) and to try and take it one day at a time.

Does anyone know if this is welfare fraud? My parents say it is but I'm not sure.
 
This definitely sounds like welfare fraud.

BTW: The DA or ADA is not your friend. Don't even speak to them because all they care about is collecting money (right or wrong).

Your friend is the judge, once you've got motions filed and the slow wheels of justice start turning.
 
This might or might not be welfare fraud. I really couldn't say one way or the other without looking at the documentation... if any. It's a very strong accusation to make against someone in any event. There could be a court order in place or even a custody agreement that indicates that any excess in tax refunds goes to or for the benefit of the child. I've never seen that, but again - no custody expert.

What is the custody arrangement of the child? It seems like the dad has primary physical custody, if he lives with you five + days per week. If the mother is claiming otherwise under penalty of perjury... you do the math...

I was placed with my mother initially when my parents split up despite the fact that my father was the fitter parent. My father lost his business, a lot of money, and much of his time with me for 7 years after my parents divorced. We lived in a state at a time when custody DID favor the mother. At least on paper, that's not how it is these days.

The father, IMO, should try to resolve the situation as amicably as possible. The child's interests may need to be represented by a Guardian Ad Litem, or in CA, a Court Appointed Special Advocate. What counts is not how the ex fucked the dad over, but what is in the child's best interests.

An attorney can best advise what recourse is available for the financial losses, but at the end of the day, it's all about what's best for the child. I don't know the equivalent of Child Protective Services where you live, but that's where I would first call - not the DA.

<3 Keep the faith <3
 
There is no formal custody arrangement that I know of. His dad called the DA because I guess they are friends.

I don't know, I don't really have any say in what goes on but I'll pass on what you said to him. Thanks! :)
 
That bitch gives single mothers a bad name... it's bitches like that who give me a bad name when I say I want to take my own daughters father to court, ugh.

Well that situation is serioiusly shitty, and I really hope he gets some help legally and can get the money situation fixed. That's just so fucked up :(
 
Yeah it's really, really fucked up. He cannot live because they are taking all the money. He may not make rent, which means I can't live either as he is my roomate for now.

I at first suggested an under the table job, so they wouldn't be able to see his earnings and take them, but he cannot do that either, as she will be able to say "he doesn't even have a job!" in the custody hearings. So it's basically work for nothing.

He can't afford a lawyer but has been trying to get free legal aid. Does anyone know if there is a way to speed the process' along in an emergency? The courts are so backed up it could be months before they see a custody judge.
 
Your friend needs a lawyer. Get the child away from that mother asap. These situations happen more then anyone would like to imagine.

When it comes to Child Welfare there is usually an increased urgency placed on the situation. You can contact the relevant authorities and I believe they will go check on the child asap.

You will also most likely be able to find pro bono lawyers who would be willing to offer advice.

I'll try to get ahold of my friend who does this kind of work.
 
The worst part about these situations is that the child is often placed in a great deal of pain when removed from the negative situation. They just don't realize how screwed up the situation is. Its "normal" to them :(
 
Yeah, it's really sad. The kid loves his mom so much. And his dad is the one who has to explain to him why she doesn't want to see him, weekend after weekend. I find it laughable, she gets mad when his dad says she can't see him, yet she continually rejects him, saying she can't take him this weekend for [insert excuse here]. The only good thing is when she can't even handle taking him for one or two days a week, it's not making her look good in the whole custody battle thing. She tried to ditch him this weekend too, but his dad couldn't take him so she had to take her son. *sigh* Woe is her. Fucking bitch.
 
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