Hopeless

[Eur0]

Hey everyone I am 18 and suffer from general anxiety disorder and severe insomnia recently in the last year I have lost a full scholarship to a prestigous university worth almost $140,000 over 4 years because I could not cope with the stress of college I was then going to try to work offshore in a lucrative job but failed the drug test and went through hell and was still not able to get the job because I was on xanax however it was prescribed and I showed documentation. My psychiatrist is worn out and wants to hospitalize me because of how frequently he changes my medication. On top of this Im about to lose the love of my life because she said she simply cannot deal with all of my problems on top of having two parents who are both extremly dissapointed in me my mom is a neurologist and my dad is the chief research officer of a large national pharmaceutical company but also has a medical degree and specialized in psychiatry with an emphasis on addiction and is always giving me hell about how being on benzodiazepines is going to ruin my life and that being on them at 18 is going to ruin my life however without them I am a mess. I dont know what to do with my life Im constantly still having panic attacks even being on 6 different medications and my prn medicine xanax does nothing to help with them aswell as recently being taken off my sleep medication (restoril) I am a complete nervous wreck and feel like I am constantly disappointing my parents aswell as everyone else in my life but I am trying everything in my power to get my life on track I just dont know what to do I just need help do you think being hospitalized is a good option at this point even though my parents are completly against it I know it should be my descion but im on there insurance. I just need advice/help.
Thanks

 

[herbavore]

It sounds like you are under a lot of external pressure as well as the stress you are feeling inside and I can imagine that hospitalization might almost sound like a respite. What would your psychiatrist hope to gain for you from hospitalization? Your psychiatrist should not be "worn out" by a patient that is trying different drugs to find one that works--that is very common. Are you seeing a psychologist or any other kind of counselor besides the psychiatrist?

Trying to separate how you feel about yourself and your life from what others think is a first step I would recommend towards decreasing your stress. It must have taken diligent study and effort to get a full four-year scholarship to a prestigious school. Maybe your body and mind were telling you that you needed a break. This doesn't mean that you will never be able to follow this path if you want to later in your life. Let go of what has already happened in the past and try to focus on what would make your life meaningful to you right now. It could be as simple as acknowledging that you have no idea what to do and giving yourself time to explore. You could drive yourself crazy with the stress of trying to live up to other people's expectations.

Cognitive Behavioral therapy and learning meditation techniques are very useful tools in learning to ward off panic. There are far safer alternatives to benzodiazepines, especially when you say they are no longer even working. I think you deserve a new psychiatrist who doesn't communicate to you that your situation is too difficult would do you wonders.

 

[phoenixrain88]

If you think you're miserable now--

just wait for the day when you need/want to stop taking the benzodiazepines.

Before benzo withdrawal I thought I knew what anxiety and panic were--I had no idea.

 

[95Land]

^I don't know that that's something he needs to add to his anxieties. Obviously anyone that's prescribed a benzo is dependent. However, as long as they're prescribed their script by a responsible physician or psychiatrist, tapering should always be their first option. Even if the OP were to be admitted to a psych ward, as long as they're also responsible, they should be willing to ween him down, if they/he deemed it necessary.
Tapering still sucks, but I've gone through cold turkey withdrawals, and I'd agree that miserable is putting it lightly.
I had no idea how dangerous it was, and had seizures, constant spasms, etc. Not good.
So, you're right. Benzo withdrawal is hell. But as long as getting off your script is done in a responsible manner, it's manageable.

 

[Missykins]

I, too, believe that you would benefit from hospitalization. It seems as if your day-to-day functioning is severely compromised. I was hospitalized
for bipolar disorder and frankly it saved my life. I would not try to taper off your benzodiazepines as an outpatient. I don't think that your doctor has
recommended inpatient care for you because he is "worn out" by you as a patient. Rather, that is your illness talking to you.