Opioids Honestly scared ( fent)

[Justadudeondrugs]

Guys .... 17 year opiate user and for the first time I'm actually very afraid of the mess I'm in .. I have in the past successfully tapered down over a couple months and jumped off the fent with very little withdraw.. however this year it just seems like things have come together making it so easy .. I found a new plug two blocks away that sells insane cheap and will front me 20 at a time if I ever need it because I buy $200 a day .. I have a low stress job that always has cash in my pocket for drugs .... Things have been going fine untill a few months ago I met my dream girl now some will fuss because I'm 50 and she's 27 but I look 30 and she's very down to earth, educated, funny and beautiful.. she knows only a little about the drug problem and in my head I say " I'll stop for her " and I honestly do want to stop ( sex is still great but anyone on heavy opiates knows what's ahead lol ) but I have set myself up in a bad situation since I have had money and now I recently started smoking them as I have been a shorter forever but the lines where getting ridiculous. I'm currently taking 20/25 blues a day ... I wake up around 3am withdraw already on my heals ... even the thought of going into withdraw at this point really scares me ... I get basically no enjoyment from the pills anymore but they keep anxiety at bay and with anxiety,. I can't function at work .. I guess my options are to try n start tapering again but man that seems like it's going to be a long road and I'm not feeling that strong
I have started exercising and even hitting the skatepark again ( this chick is a badd ass skater too on top of how amazing she is )
Sorry I suppose I'm just rambling but I'm really worried about the level I have gotten myself to on the fent ....

 

[jasperkent]

I've been through many addictions and what you're saying sounds very familiar. I always go through a period in which I want to want to taper/quit but I don't really want to.

Tapering is tough and requires a lot of discipline but it can be done. The bottom line is that you gotta want to not use more than you want to use.

Good luck, my brother. Keep us posted.

 

[Tryptamite]

Methadone?

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

Methadone?

Honestly I know so many people stuck on methadone and still using plus trading one crutch for another isn't what I want. .. I know for sure it can and has saved many people but I won't truly feel free until I'm totally drug free. I have before sucssfully tapered totally off but the situation was much different... I was broke and surviving by pawing off my whole life's possessions driving ( untill I had to sell my truck ) ,. Or bike riding all the way across town to buy only a few pills at three times the price they are now
....so now that life is otherwise back on track and everything is great and getting drugs is cheap and easy ,. That's what's making it so difficult.... After a whole adulthood of drinking , four years ago I stopped one day and literally have never had the urge to drink again so I feel like if I could somehow get even a month away from the pills then maybe I could successfully hold onto sobriety...it's just that at the moment I'm using much more then I ever have in the past. I used to sniff untill last month I started smoking them and you know how the whole process of say grinding the pills up , spreading the lines then hitting your sinus with the blast and a little burn that's in your head as part of the enjoyment but now the whole smoking thing has that appeal... Picked up a sweet mini water smoker/ oil burner and love using it. Then if feels like a out as quick as you set it down your brain says let's do that again... Not to mention hiding your habit is much more difficult when smoking the stank shit ..

 

[jasperkent]

I'd strongly suggest that you first switch to chewing/swallowing the pills. It's less of a severe rush/crash cycle, which makes the habit easier to manage. When you're used to that, THEN do a gradual taper.

I know you're gonna do what you want to do, I'm just suggesting what will make it easier for you. ❤

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

I'd strongly suggest that you first switch to chewing/swallowing the pills. It's less of a severe rush/crash cycle, which makes the habit easier to manage. When you're used to that, THEN do a gradual taper.

I know you're gonna do what you want to do, I'm just suggesting what will make it easier for you. ❤

No youre absolutely right... Infact when I'm with my GF I obviously can't be smoking so I just take a couple before bed as to not get sick so yes that's something I can do to start the process.

 

[Robi]

i snorted/smoked fent, about half of what you do a day for lil more than a year, went 2 days a week usually w/o any, yeah i got them cheap too and very easy to get, he even delivered, but mostly met nearby. i almost died 3 times, no narcan no hospital, just waking up on the floor, got near a year off them, only went thru cold turkey WD for a week, i hate fent with a passion now, but still, especially last few weeks thinking of getting high, ditched my connects number but i know 2 other sources now, but i promised self never again because i was spared death and getting busted by cops and wife,hope you stop, you got it going on and dont want you to lose it all

 

[Robi]

Honestly I know so many people stuck on methadone and still using plus trading one crutch for another isn't what I want. .. I know for sure it can and has saved many people but I won't truly feel free until I'm totally drug free. I have before sucssfully tapered totally off but the situation was much different... I was broke and surviving by pawing off my whole life's possessions driving ( untill I had to sell my truck ) ,. Or bike riding all the way across town to buy only a few pills at three times the price they are now
....so now that life is otherwise back on track and everything is great and getting drugs is cheap and easy ,. That's what's making it so difficult.... After a whole adulthood of drinking , four years ago I stopped one day and literally have never had the urge to drink again so I feel like if I could somehow get even a month away from the pills then maybe I could successfully hold onto sobriety...it's just that at the moment I'm using much more then I ever have in the past. I used to sniff untill last month I started smoking them and you know how the whole process of say grinding the pills up , spreading the lines then hitting your sinus with the blast and a little burn that's in your head as part of the enjoyment but now the whole smoking thing has that appeal... Picked up a sweet mini water smoker/ oil burner and love using it. Then if feels like a out as quick as you set it down your brain says let's do that again... Not to mention hiding your habit is much more difficult when smoking the stank shit ..

best o luck

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

Guys I'm going to the clinic tomorrow morning while I have a small window where I can leave work....I had a scare this weekend and it has me shook .
My girl get her dad a pool table so we where going to deliver it to him ( 5 hours drive ) and we planned on staying the weekend and finding a skate park possibly camp a night .on the drive I. CAme clean to her about the fent and she was pretty upset and scared for me , she didn't freak out like I expected she might....at least she didn't at that point ..well I took 35 blues with me to last the weekend but we where having so much fun that I just kept loading up and smoking ....well late sat night we just decided to get a hotel cause we had been at the skatepark for several hours and I took a hard slam plus was exhausted.. I woke up as usual around 3 feeling like withdraw feelings coming no then to my surprise and panic I only had 5 pills left ! Fuck ! So I figured after I smoked the one I was already up for and if I drove fast back to Tucson then I. Could space out the 4 pills and would be fine .. well I re woke at 7 feeling bad and took another..now I'm freaking out a little and anxious....we hit the road at 9 and it was like I guess I had smoked so many sat night I felt like the one at 6 didn't really do anything and by the time we got breakfast and gassed up I had 1 pill left and we are at best 5 maybe 6 hours from home because we would be climbing mostly and piling a trailer way to heavy for a jeep ...she noticed how uncomfortable I was getting and she volunteered to drive back ..I just tried to sleep but a couple hours into the drive we stopped at a rest stop and I was puking and several other early withdrawal symptoms where starting to kick in like the hot/ cold sweats and sneezing uncontrollably plus the stomach cramping was starting ..

We got back. I dropped her off and hauled ass to my plug but ( and this has happened before)
As soon as I turned onto his street I had to immediately pull over because I was dry heaving / puking stomach acid uncontrollably and the stupid reverse sneeze/ cough/can't breath thing that happens to some . I could not even stop puking long enough to walk up to his door .. finally I did and got my relief.... Oh my God that was a long drive from hell ...

after we got back my chick was crying and really scared .. shes also angry I had ever even brought fent into her home etc etc. Pretty sure I'll lose her now wether I can get or not but the point of this long ramble is , it was a wake up call and I'm going to see if the clinic can help me with Suboxone .. I'll update .

thank you guys for listening and the advice . I'm on a couple addiction Facebook groups and they are nothing but people not taking it seriously and almost NoOne on em really tries to get clean it seems.

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

Went before work but they said to expect to be there at least 4-6 hours :/
Unfortunately I have to open the shop so they have me a number to call to set up an after hours intake. I'll update

 

[southerngal98]

Dude I'm so sorry. This is really hard. But we've all been there. And many make it through. Subs arent enough. It's time to go to medical detox and rehab if your insurance covers it. Go on your insurance website. Look up find a doctor. Enter your zip code and substance abuse on the drop down. Start making calls. Use the Family Medical Leave Act if you can't take the time off work. It'll gurantee you the 30 days off work and that your job will still be there. Keep your head up

 

[Pickledlemons]

I also have doubts that suboxone will hold you with 17 years of use. Plus its a messy transition from fent you're definitely gonna need a few days alone before it starts working... if it even does. It is however easier to taper than methadone. But even methadone is easier to taper than fent. I know how bad the withdrawals are even after a few months. I honestly don't see how you would be able to taper such a short lasting drug while working and trying to maintain your relationship. Anyway, whatever you choose, good luck.

 

[jasperkent]

....after we got back my chick was crying and really scared .. shes also angry I had ever even brought fent into her home etc etc. Pretty sure I'll lose her now....

Just wanted to share a little hope. It's been my experience that the people who love you can be very forgiving as long as you are honest with them and you show that you are genuinely trying to address your problem. The stigma against addicts has softened a bit in recent years as "normies" are more educated about the nature of addiction.
Hang in there, bro. ❤

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

Just wanted to share a little hope. It's been my experience that the people who love you can be very forgiving as long as you are honest with them and you show that you are genuinely trying to address your problem. The stigma against addicts has softened a bit in recent years as "normies" are more educated about the nature of addiction.
Hang in there, bro. ❤

Thanks man. I sure hope so . I gotta do this for me anyway girl by my side or not . .
If we had been together for a long time then yes I would expect her to be here for me but we've only dating a few months so I'm not gonna be mad if it's to much her to handle.

 

[Xorkoth]

Well I hope it works out for you. If your girlfriend is understanding of addiction, she may be willing to stick with you if she sees you're trying, as long as you don't fuck up again. But I'm glad to hear that you're willing to understand if she doesn't, and want to do it just for you, because that's really important, as I'm sure you know. Suboxone may be difficult for you, as it is only a partial agonist so it won't give you that relief, though it will stop you from being in full withdrawals. If you stick with it, you will eventually feel alright on it, but it will basically be just feeling normal, and that may take a little while.

Methadone will actually make you feel good, right away. But it is definitely harder to get off. Suboxone is hard to get off too, but it's much easier to taper down to a low dose, because it doesn't really feel any better/different in a high dose than it does at a low dose. It is necessary to start off at a higher dose if you have a big tolerance, but then you can taper slowly without suffering. However, either methadone or suboxone have a very long withdrawal when you do stop.

I feel you, I am in your shoes. I had 5 years clean after a 10 year period of opiate addiction, and I relapsed 3 years ago and have been struggling since. Currently using suboxone to somewhat rapidly taper, it's my third or fourth attempt at this. I have been trying to avoid being on it long term in the hopes I can bypass acute withdrawal and not pick up the full 3-4 weeks of lingering withdrawal. But not sure if it's possible. I just started working out again and in my experience when I stick to daily working out, it makes the whole process a lot smoother and easier. But it's always very hard. Unfortunately, the longer time we have under our belts of being addicted, and the older we get, and the more times we've withdrawn, the worse withdrawal gets.

I wish you luck. Some people find it helpful to use Bluelight as a way to check in, find support, and keep yourself accountable to people, even if it's just people on the Internet.

 

[watermellon]

Dude I'm so sorry. This is really hard. But we've all been there. And many make it through. Subs arent enough. It's time to go to medical detox and rehab if your insurance covers it. Go on your insurance website. Look up find a doctor. Enter your zip code and substance abuse on the drop down. Start making calls. Use the Family Medical Leave Act if you can't take the time off work. It'll gurantee you the 30 days off work and that your job will still be there. Keep your head up

I second this unless you really really taper first. A few months ago I came off a decent size couple month fent dope binge doing any where from 1g-1.5g a day. I tried a few times but subs would not even put a dent in WD. I had to taper down low for the bupe to work.

That habit is probably a lot bigger than mine was even me doing 1.5g a day. Either do a proper taper or go to a med detox dude

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

Thanks guys for all the replies.. I took a day off this week to be able to get into the clinic ... Can they help with medical detox Info or is that separate?

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

I also have doubts that suboxone will hold you with 17 years of use. Plus its a messy transition from fent you're definitely gonna need a few days alone before it starts working... if it even does. It is however easier to taper than methadone. But even methadone is easier to taper than fent. I know how bad the withdrawals are even after a few months. I honestly don't see how you would be able to taper such a short lasting drug while working and trying to maintain your relationship. Anyway, whatever you choose, good luck.

100 percent exactly why I'm scared.. I don't have many people in my life as far as support ..none of my long time friends are drug users and people can't begin to comprehend the hell that comes with this shit . ..

 

[Pickledlemons]

100 percent exactly why I'm scared.. I don't have many people in my life as far as support ..none of my long time friends are drug users and people can't begin to comprehend the hell that comes with this shit . ..

Did you ask the clinic about methadone? There's no induction like with suboxone.

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

Did you ask the clinic about methadone? There's no induction like with suboxone.

I have not yet. Honestly I really don't want to be on methadone if Suboxone will work . Only cause I have used Suboxone before and tapered right off of it in maybe 6 weeks. . Now I'm concerned that I'm taking such a large amount of fet that I'm going to have to taper down before the subs will even do much .. I couldn't get out of work yesterday so I'll try to clinic again today