TDS Hi Guys!

[SineWaveSoldier]

Hello all. Haven't posted in a minute and I feel alright so...

I'm coming up on 90 days clean shortly and am going to be a father within a month. Those of you who may have seen my previous posts or those who haven't... My child's mother and I are no longer together, and I had tried to detox before to no avail. I ended up catching a charge which I will not face time for....

But that is what it is. I was under some tremendous stress with the child on the way and was very distraught being addicted to opiates again. Nowadays even with the added stress of legal troubles I'm in a far better spot than what I was.
The way I look at this is whatever it took for me to get clean is what it took. I cannot be a ashamed of my past, and I have a huge hill to climb. I'm holding on,working with a sponsor, and looking forward to the rewards of recovery which I know as I have been there before.

I put some serious details of my life on here and damn if shit didn't go wrong but I am living my life right nowadays and I sleep well at night now that I'm doing so.
I feel like I have to pop in and give hope to some lost souls on here if they read this because this forum helped me through some very depressing times. I have been the worst kind of junkie years ago and despite recent setbacks I'm so glad my life didn't end and I didn't end it because things do get better.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Glad to still see you're fighting the good fight man.

 

[spork]

Good to see you back and doing well, SWS.

The way I look at this is whatever it took for me to get clean is what it took. I cannot be a ashamed of my past, and I have a huge hill to climb.

This shows your strength. When someone is ashamed of their past, they're fighting something that may just not be true anymore. We're constantly evolving and changing as individuals. Accepting the past, learning from it, and moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

thanks guys. I just wanna grow up lol, leave that shit behind. Of course we're taught to never forget it or regret it but in all honesty I'm sick of living like a child and being irresponsible. Letting people down etc...

 

[herbavore]

I feel like I have to pop in and give hope to some lost souls on here if they read this because this forum helped me through some very depressing times. I have been the worst kind of junkie years ago and despite recent setbacks I'm so glad my life didn't end and I didn't end it because things do get better.

So good to read this, sine. Life can be a very zigzag path but it is the adherence to that central place--the one you know in your gut and your heart is where you want to be that is important. Accepting all the zigs and zags as momentary lapses from our own best knowledge is a good way to go. It sounds like you have a solidity that wasn't quite there before. I wish you all the best and send so much love your way for your journey. I'm glad your life didn't end, too. And I am particularly glad to hear that though you and your ex decided to not be a couple that you are still going to be involved in your child's life. A month is a short time! You are going to be a wonderful Dad.

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

thanks. I believe I'll do alright. I've always been good with kids. They like me. On of my friends told me its because I give people a feeling of safety. Ill do that for my daughter no matter what. I'll always be there.

 

[neversickanymore]

Nice work SWS

Man kido's are the best. .. kids are so damn smart and I pretty sure I've learned more from my son than he has from me.. but it amazing how we become so dumb as we "grow up".. worrying about the dumbest things.. chasing after the most worthless things.. living in the future and worrying about the past.. there is nothing like the way a child looks at the world and life.. they are planted in the now.. just watch them young children watch a lady bug for twenty minutes.. dont really hold grudges.. something happens and they will cry for two minutes and forget all about it because they are back at it laughing.. remember when we were children and we used to try and understand, or plain laugh at the ridiculous behavior of adults.. remember if an adult was loosing their mind over some nonsense and there was another kid your age.. that look that kids give each other, the look that says, my parent isnt nuts they are just a "grown up" and the other child gives that look back that says, "tell me about it I have to deal with "grown up nonsense" all the time.. one of the most amazing things, for me, after having a child was him taking me back to the way i thought as a kid.. before i got so dumb.

I think by teaching our kids whats important we finally figure that out ourselves..

All the best in this new faze of your life SineWave

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

I hear ya. I wish I could be content as children can be.

God she's almost here lol. That 9 months was fucking quick

 

[Rob27shred]

Congrats SWS, on staying clean & becoming a father. Sounds like you know what you need to do & are doing it. I'm sure it is a very stressful & confusing time for you but that should all melt away when you get to hold your daughter for the 1st time. Just remember it will all be about her now & your wants & needs will become secondary. It should help tremendously with your recovery as having a kid will give you a huge boost in pride & motivation. Hope everything goes well for you!

 

[TooOldForThis]

Your recovery is an inspiration. Good for you!!! Your attitude is spot on, and I hope it will bring you through the challenges of parenthood that are headed your way.