zola99
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2012
- Messages
- 21
I feel very strange to be introducing myself on here, but here goes:
30 year old female who's abstained from all illegal substances, tobacco, drinks very rarely and has never abused prescription drugs...until now. I was raised in a very strict, no tolerance environment growing up, and have never felt the need to experiment. I admittedly looked down upon those who did, and never associated with them. I *knew* better and what could they possibly have to gain from using these substances that they can't get from real life activities? Go ahead, judge and criticize my former mentality; I know I have in the past few months.
Anyway, I've had multiple major surgeries. I've been administered the following: IV morphine, injections of Demerol, codeine cough syrup, oral percocet (used once, hated the feeling more than the pain I was in), tramadol, all taken as prescribed for pain. I've been exposed to painkillers before and not once did I ever use them except for pain management. The IV morphine and shots of demerol I received in hospital were given for a little over a month and I didn't suffer any withdrawal or strange reactions when stopping.
My most recent surgery a few months back involved oral surgery in which I was given 2 large bottles of liquid Oxycodone to take for moderate pain 5-10mg/ml every 4 hours as needed. I ended up only taking 5 once or twice a day and it was enough to take the "glass shards down my throat" feeling away. Within 3 weeks, I was essentially completely recovered. However, I found myself still taking that lower dose once before bed every night. After a week I realized what I was doing and stopped cold turkey. I was perfectly fine until evening rolled around, then I started getting restless to the point of pacing for hours. As soon as I'd lie down, I couldn't help but move and kick. I went 3 days in that state, using everything from unisom to alcohol to some hydroxyzine I'd been prescribed for anxiety. The only thing I got out of those was feeling brain dead but still restless. On the 4th night, I took a small dose of the oxy and slept like a baby.
Clearly I understand that this is a habit, and I'm addicted in possibly several ways. And I suspect this is me rationalizing it but honestly? That ability to relax in the evenings after the stress of the day is just too good. Logically I'm aware that I could flush the remaining liquid down the toilet and give myself no choice but to quit. I'm not willing to go doctor shopping, and my current one has not seen fit to prescribe me any benzo's for my anxiety. (On an SSRI for depression, social anxiety, PTSD, and some agoraphobia). Since I also don't have any friends with the hookup, I highly doubt I'll be finding more. As it stands right now, I'm taking a syringe of 2-3mg/ml a night total. Maybe that's a small dose, but I'm on the petite side so it still affects me. I'm of the mindset now that if something like this is helpful and not causing serious amounts of harm to myself or others, then I'm likely to not quit.
Anyway! My apologies for the novel/Lifetime drama series, but hi, I'm new
30 year old female who's abstained from all illegal substances, tobacco, drinks very rarely and has never abused prescription drugs...until now. I was raised in a very strict, no tolerance environment growing up, and have never felt the need to experiment. I admittedly looked down upon those who did, and never associated with them. I *knew* better and what could they possibly have to gain from using these substances that they can't get from real life activities? Go ahead, judge and criticize my former mentality; I know I have in the past few months.
Anyway, I've had multiple major surgeries. I've been administered the following: IV morphine, injections of Demerol, codeine cough syrup, oral percocet (used once, hated the feeling more than the pain I was in), tramadol, all taken as prescribed for pain. I've been exposed to painkillers before and not once did I ever use them except for pain management. The IV morphine and shots of demerol I received in hospital were given for a little over a month and I didn't suffer any withdrawal or strange reactions when stopping.
My most recent surgery a few months back involved oral surgery in which I was given 2 large bottles of liquid Oxycodone to take for moderate pain 5-10mg/ml every 4 hours as needed. I ended up only taking 5 once or twice a day and it was enough to take the "glass shards down my throat" feeling away. Within 3 weeks, I was essentially completely recovered. However, I found myself still taking that lower dose once before bed every night. After a week I realized what I was doing and stopped cold turkey. I was perfectly fine until evening rolled around, then I started getting restless to the point of pacing for hours. As soon as I'd lie down, I couldn't help but move and kick. I went 3 days in that state, using everything from unisom to alcohol to some hydroxyzine I'd been prescribed for anxiety. The only thing I got out of those was feeling brain dead but still restless. On the 4th night, I took a small dose of the oxy and slept like a baby.
Clearly I understand that this is a habit, and I'm addicted in possibly several ways. And I suspect this is me rationalizing it but honestly? That ability to relax in the evenings after the stress of the day is just too good. Logically I'm aware that I could flush the remaining liquid down the toilet and give myself no choice but to quit. I'm not willing to go doctor shopping, and my current one has not seen fit to prescribe me any benzo's for my anxiety. (On an SSRI for depression, social anxiety, PTSD, and some agoraphobia). Since I also don't have any friends with the hookup, I highly doubt I'll be finding more. As it stands right now, I'm taking a syringe of 2-3mg/ml a night total. Maybe that's a small dose, but I'm on the petite side so it still affects me. I'm of the mindset now that if something like this is helpful and not causing serious amounts of harm to myself or others, then I'm likely to not quit.
Anyway! My apologies for the novel/Lifetime drama series, but hi, I'm new
