Hypnic_JerK
Bluelighter
2000
+4mg doc
+Hit of amt laced weed
2100
Cliché visuals, no distortion of thought processes yet though. Wakefullness, energy
2130
+7.5 hydrocodone
+beer
Dave has been really eager to get some sort of opiate in his system
1020 +/-
+beer
+pot
Time has slipped up, visuals really good. Mental +/-
0109 +4
Smoking salvia. The Flame releases the soylent sweatshop children, and I manage to spin an elaborate time travel joke out of their flachette ridden remains.
Upon return the hydro feels like a gaudy cushion that I rest upon in a decadent, necrotic fashion.
We’ve spent the whole trip in my room, intent on taking enough drugs to destroy boredom without taking any other action. Doc + hydrocodone completely fails to do this.
0109-0815 +2
Night spent pleasurably in cev dreamscape. Couldn’t make the transition to wakeful slumber, so I remained literally awake.
0815 +2
+beer
+pot
Twisted in class, the teacher is asking what was the virgin Mary’s attribute/name besides Thetakos, God-bearer, in early Christian theology. I remembered it was “perpetual virgin”, no one else in the class could get it. Then the teacher asks what Emanuel means, and riding the high of my previous correct answer, I respond “light bringer” which is actually what Lucifer means. Pretty disturbing thing to pop out of my mouth, unbidden. The teacher recoils in shock as I said it, actually. It’s probably true on some level tho.
1441 +2
Start in on amt joint. The joint is honey laced amt and marijuana, about 200mg of amt. Dave and I smoke around half the joint, and it’s a thick smoke that coats the lungs and throat with indole. The ash is solid black carbon.
1530 +2
Smoke more salvia. My “friend” Al invites himself over. The nine criteria the DSM-IV uses to describe BPD are Alex.
1600 +2
+beer
Alex arrives. He will only let us talk about how depressed he is. Dave gets a look in his eye and goes to the bathroom. Upon his dazed return he draws a picture of the cabinet under the sink on a piece of paper. I enter the bathroom, look under the cabinet, and find heroin, foil, and a foil straw. I light it up, and chase the dragon. The taste is the most familiar thing I have ever encountered. I’m hit with a rush and the experience is exactly the opposite of salvia, which means they are the same on another level. The ritual and the high of heroin match each other perfectly, the foil’s sublimation and chasing the smoke are absolute reality. Tasteless gaudy euphoria and mindlessness pleasure. Time glitches on both salvia and heroin. On salvia time slows down to the point of non existence. On heroin time speeds up to the point of infinite fast forward. Heroin is evil and Salvia is good. They’re both the same. The rush of salvia and the rush of heroin both dissipate and leave me with a similar high.
I go back, and watch Al’s mouth as he talks.
1800+2
+beer
Dave and I split an eighth of very potent cubensis. As usual, Alex only lets himself talk. Over the past 8 months I have let him take over my life, and my friends have done the same.
1930+3
+beer
As the mushrooms kick in I slip deeper inside my mind. Alex’s aura hasn’t reached this far inside. BPD is not like a bear trap, because a bear trap has an obvious exit. Instead it is like a cube puzzle that puts everything inside of itself. The mushrooms assimilate different thoughts that have been floating around in my head, and I start making jokes.
These jokes are based around the four verbal rules of reality rendition, and are all things that a borderline can’t swallow. Each joke hammers on the vertices of his cube, driving him smaller and releasing reality from his grasp.
At this point I reach a +3 state, where I am no longer bored.
Dave understands the rules of the jokes, and hammers away too. We’re both dying of laughter, and Alex doesn’t get a single joke.
We smoke salvia periodically.
2030 +3
+beer
+weed
Alex always blacks out on salvia, so for his big hit of I told him to think of a really interesting story, then tell the story after his hit so he could stay conscious for the duration of the hit by means of the storytelling.
He smokes, and tells us the story of how as a youth his friends had found a bum in an alleyway, picked up a discarded aquarium, and broke it on the bum’s head.
Dave immediately has the follow up joke, “well at least you didn’t hit a person”. This is the ultimate joke, and of course Alex doesn’t get it at all. He doesn’t understand that it is the sickest thing possible to say, but just takes it at face value, literally agreeing with it. Our laughter takes on a different tone as we’re freed from the trap. We won, and get to take the rules back to the everyday world. Alex is reduced from a volumetric entity to a single point, like the rest of humanity. His eyes take on a haunted look.
He gets up to go to the bathroom and Dave and I go to bed.
2100 +3
+beer
+weed
The sensory deprivation of laying in bed brings out the terrible power of mushrooms, like usual. Trips are nearly aborted by seroquel, but instead we work through the intense depersonalization and harsh look at our lives.
2130 +2
+beer
We go outside, walking along the rocks by the lake, and meet some college cuties under the harsh glare of sodium lights. Sitting on the rocks they offer us beer and proclaim that this glass strewn area of black water and filthy rocks is the most beautiful place on our campus. We walk together to a nearby lighthouse, where we reject their advances and return to our room, our cell. I have some important nonsense to write down.
Conclusion:
Like always, the humblest chalice holds the elixir of life. Mushrooms are for real, and leave all the white powders in the dust. Heroin is a sick substance, trite and vicious. As the smoke entered my brain I could easily see myself repeating the experience, but the cheapness of the ritual and the sickness it describes will probably keep me away. The heroin enlightenment is fleeting, chasing the dragon left me blind to the world passing by. Catching the dragon would mean death. Salvia, on the other hand, is the dragon. All I have to do is be in its presence, and the effects take hold. I will keep it, for better or worse. Salvia is life and the world, i think.
+4mg doc
+Hit of amt laced weed
2100
Cliché visuals, no distortion of thought processes yet though. Wakefullness, energy
2130
+7.5 hydrocodone
+beer
Dave has been really eager to get some sort of opiate in his system
1020 +/-
+beer
+pot
Time has slipped up, visuals really good. Mental +/-
0109 +4
Smoking salvia. The Flame releases the soylent sweatshop children, and I manage to spin an elaborate time travel joke out of their flachette ridden remains.
Upon return the hydro feels like a gaudy cushion that I rest upon in a decadent, necrotic fashion.
We’ve spent the whole trip in my room, intent on taking enough drugs to destroy boredom without taking any other action. Doc + hydrocodone completely fails to do this.
0109-0815 +2
Night spent pleasurably in cev dreamscape. Couldn’t make the transition to wakeful slumber, so I remained literally awake.
0815 +2
+beer
+pot
Twisted in class, the teacher is asking what was the virgin Mary’s attribute/name besides Thetakos, God-bearer, in early Christian theology. I remembered it was “perpetual virgin”, no one else in the class could get it. Then the teacher asks what Emanuel means, and riding the high of my previous correct answer, I respond “light bringer” which is actually what Lucifer means. Pretty disturbing thing to pop out of my mouth, unbidden. The teacher recoils in shock as I said it, actually. It’s probably true on some level tho.
1441 +2
Start in on amt joint. The joint is honey laced amt and marijuana, about 200mg of amt. Dave and I smoke around half the joint, and it’s a thick smoke that coats the lungs and throat with indole. The ash is solid black carbon.
1530 +2
Smoke more salvia. My “friend” Al invites himself over. The nine criteria the DSM-IV uses to describe BPD are Alex.
1600 +2
+beer
Alex arrives. He will only let us talk about how depressed he is. Dave gets a look in his eye and goes to the bathroom. Upon his dazed return he draws a picture of the cabinet under the sink on a piece of paper. I enter the bathroom, look under the cabinet, and find heroin, foil, and a foil straw. I light it up, and chase the dragon. The taste is the most familiar thing I have ever encountered. I’m hit with a rush and the experience is exactly the opposite of salvia, which means they are the same on another level. The ritual and the high of heroin match each other perfectly, the foil’s sublimation and chasing the smoke are absolute reality. Tasteless gaudy euphoria and mindlessness pleasure. Time glitches on both salvia and heroin. On salvia time slows down to the point of non existence. On heroin time speeds up to the point of infinite fast forward. Heroin is evil and Salvia is good. They’re both the same. The rush of salvia and the rush of heroin both dissipate and leave me with a similar high.
I go back, and watch Al’s mouth as he talks.
1800+2
+beer
Dave and I split an eighth of very potent cubensis. As usual, Alex only lets himself talk. Over the past 8 months I have let him take over my life, and my friends have done the same.
1930+3
+beer
As the mushrooms kick in I slip deeper inside my mind. Alex’s aura hasn’t reached this far inside. BPD is not like a bear trap, because a bear trap has an obvious exit. Instead it is like a cube puzzle that puts everything inside of itself. The mushrooms assimilate different thoughts that have been floating around in my head, and I start making jokes.
These jokes are based around the four verbal rules of reality rendition, and are all things that a borderline can’t swallow. Each joke hammers on the vertices of his cube, driving him smaller and releasing reality from his grasp.
At this point I reach a +3 state, where I am no longer bored.
Dave understands the rules of the jokes, and hammers away too. We’re both dying of laughter, and Alex doesn’t get a single joke.
We smoke salvia periodically.
2030 +3
+beer
+weed
Alex always blacks out on salvia, so for his big hit of I told him to think of a really interesting story, then tell the story after his hit so he could stay conscious for the duration of the hit by means of the storytelling.
He smokes, and tells us the story of how as a youth his friends had found a bum in an alleyway, picked up a discarded aquarium, and broke it on the bum’s head.
Dave immediately has the follow up joke, “well at least you didn’t hit a person”. This is the ultimate joke, and of course Alex doesn’t get it at all. He doesn’t understand that it is the sickest thing possible to say, but just takes it at face value, literally agreeing with it. Our laughter takes on a different tone as we’re freed from the trap. We won, and get to take the rules back to the everyday world. Alex is reduced from a volumetric entity to a single point, like the rest of humanity. His eyes take on a haunted look.
He gets up to go to the bathroom and Dave and I go to bed.
2100 +3
+beer
+weed
The sensory deprivation of laying in bed brings out the terrible power of mushrooms, like usual. Trips are nearly aborted by seroquel, but instead we work through the intense depersonalization and harsh look at our lives.
2130 +2
+beer
We go outside, walking along the rocks by the lake, and meet some college cuties under the harsh glare of sodium lights. Sitting on the rocks they offer us beer and proclaim that this glass strewn area of black water and filthy rocks is the most beautiful place on our campus. We walk together to a nearby lighthouse, where we reject their advances and return to our room, our cell. I have some important nonsense to write down.
Conclusion:
Like always, the humblest chalice holds the elixir of life. Mushrooms are for real, and leave all the white powders in the dust. Heroin is a sick substance, trite and vicious. As the smoke entered my brain I could easily see myself repeating the experience, but the cheapness of the ritual and the sickness it describes will probably keep me away. The heroin enlightenment is fleeting, chasing the dragon left me blind to the world passing by. Catching the dragon would mean death. Salvia, on the other hand, is the dragon. All I have to do is be in its presence, and the effects take hold. I will keep it, for better or worse. Salvia is life and the world, i think.
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