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Heroin Taper Attempt

O

onlyonephreak

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2016
Messages
17
Location
North Carolina
Okay... So as anyone can see by my status, I am brand new to the forums as a "member". I have spent countless hours in these forums, before now, reading everyone else's experiences and essentially maintaining my sanity by seeing that I'm not alone in this. About me... I spent about a year and a half using heroin before going into a buprenorphine maintenance therapy for two years. Prior to picking up the heroin habit, I was in pain management for degenerative disk disease. Typical story... The pain meds kept getting stronger, tolerance kicked in and the cycle continued until my ortho doctor decided it was time to consider surgery and stopped prescribing pain meds. No longer having access to pharmies, I did what any "logical" person would do and set out to find my way around the system. In my area, pharms are insanely expensive and this brown powder is pretty cheap (by comparison) and the rest, as they say, is history. After a year of daily heroin use, I had put my family in financial ruin and sought a doctor that could rx subutex and began a 2 year maintenance program and against my doctor's advice, I decided it was time to get off subutex because my back pain had become more problematic so I devised a brilliant plan to buy some heroin to help get me off the subutex, told my subutex doctor where to go and started to look for pain management clinics again. With a fresh MRI and a referral from my GP, I thought it'd be a no brainer. Unfortunately, because of the subutex prescriptions in my rx history that's stored in a state database there was not one doctor to be found that would take me back into pain management with a history of subutex therapy. So... pissed at the system, I chose to circumvent it yet again and kept using heroin. Over the last 11 months, I've seen my attitude, savings, and overall quality of life take a nose dive so after a long conversation with my wife, I've decided to ween myself off of heroin without the help of another replacement so Im beginning a two week taper that started today, with the help of my wife. (Who doesn't use, drink, or anyting else. I think she's smoked weed 5 times in her life. I have no clue how she puts up with me!)So last night I bought an 1/8 of some pretty raw chunky brown #4 from a couple towns over. As soon as it arrived (my connection delivers) my wife took possession of it. I already have a taper schedule laid out. Plan is as follows:Today: 120mg 5x daily by IV (I ended up dropping the dosage to 100mg on the second dose of the day and maintaining 100mg for the remaining doses.)Tomorrow: Same dosage but dropped frequency to 4x daily and allowed for 1/2 dose prn.The next few days, I am dropping the dosage by 20mg per day but keeping the schedule with the prn dose available should I need it. Then I'm dropping the doses to 3x per day next Monday. I'll be at 50mg by this point. I'm dropping the dosage 10mg per day for the next few days then on Friday, I'll be dropping the dose from 30 to 25mg. Saturday, I have 3 doses of 25mg each and on Sunday I will be taking 20mg twice. By the following monday, I plan to allow a minimal amount prn based on my wife's evaluation of my withdrawal symptoms and of course, beyond that, nothing. (That's a scary word!!!!!) I am extremely fortunate to have my wife on my side and willing to be such an integral part of this process and I really hope that 2 1/2 weeks of tapering will make the withdrawal symptoms minimal if not non-existent. I understand that diet and exercise are crucial during this process and have scheduled days to go to the gym and will be walking through the neighborhood.Does anyone have anything that they would like to add or recommend to this plan? I understand that abstinence is the safest way and that a professional facility would be ideal but, I cannot afford these facilities or the time away from work and I'm not interested in replacement therapy with subutex or methadone again. Thanks!!!
 
Hi there, fellow addict here from Ireland :-) I know how hard it it and I have a great girlfriend to help me, like your wife she doesn't use, we only see each other a few days ago so I am not as lucky as you with your wife living with you. I think giving her your dope to hold is a great idea! I am starting my taper next week, I smoke, don't inject. I'll be following your journal so best of luck with it! Rachel.
 
Hi Rachel,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I think it's great that you've set a date to start your taper. I know, for me, cold turkey wasn't possible so I'm hopeful that with my wife and you guys as support, this will be the end of a dark era. Smoking is right up there with IV in terms of ROAs that deliver fast and hard (From what I understand. I dove in head first with H and went straight to the needle.) so I wish you the best of luck!! I'd be happy to give you the detailed taper plan that I've laid out for myself if you think it'd help. Just let me know...

Cheers!
 
Hey o!

I don't really have experience with the tapering of Heroin, or Lady H in general, so I cannot really offer my advice on your taper plan and feel good about myself.

All I can do is offer my support and be someone to talk to.

However, I think this is a great step/idea. Strong will is important here!

We'll be here to actively listen as you document!
 
Thanks Nix! I definitely plan to use this resource. I figure I was in the shadows so much throughout my addiction, I may as well continue to take advantage of the wisdom (and idiocy that's good for laughs) that is so abundant here while trying to kick. Today was day two and I'm still in the easy phase. Yesterday, I allowed myself five doses of 120mg IV. The gear that I have is more than adequate, I'd have been thrilled to have this shit when I was actually enjoying using. After my first dose yesterday, I realized that I'd overshot and dropped myself to 100mg. I stayed on schedule and though I felt the compulsion to use when there were no signs of withdrawal (I've wasted a lot of dope to boredom) I stuck to what I'd outlined. Today was more of the same. I dropped myself to 4 doses (morning, 1:30pm, 7pm, and before bed aka now) and I've kept to that with no problems other than the same compulsive want to use because I didn't have anything else to do. Tomorrow I drop 20mg to 80mg 4 times on the same schedule. I dont think I'll have a problem with that because it's nice gear and even though my average dose using without any structure or attempt at control was 180mg, I was simply chasing the nod. This week shouldn't be that difficult but come Monday, when I drop to 3x daily, I'll probably start to struggle with, at the very least, separation anxiety from my friend the needle, if not also from starting to feel a little uneasy toward the end of the time between doses but, we shall see. Hopefully, this week will prepare me for that. That's what a taper is all about, right?
 
Hey man! How are you feeling today? I'm dreading next week, for me, the anxiety is the worse withdrawal symptom, that and sweating, have you done a taper before? How long are you using? I'm gonna order some or atom but the main problem is that it takes about 3 weeks to arrive from the states to here which is a major bummer! I hear what you say about smoking, a friend tried to iv me 3 times but I have non existent veins so he missed on all 3 occasions leaving me with huge lumps that are taking ages to go away, I have only been using 3 months but it has me already, how long have you been using my friend :-)
 
Hey Rachel,

I'm doing well, thanks. The morning dose was not as disappointing as I expected it to be however I'm nearing 1:30 and have been watching the clock for the past 15-20 minutes. (Guess that's how I ended up on BL LOL). I've been using off and on for 4 years. I used for a year, then had 2 years of subutex then went back to using H about a year ago.

I have to say it's my opinion that you are a lucky person that the person you had trying to help you with IV wasn't able to locate a usable vein. From what I understand, addiction is addiction, but everything I've read says that the needle is the worst because most people not only are addicted to their DOC but they tend to gain an affinity for the needle. I know that I definitely have.This is my first attempt at a taper. My first time quitting, I went into replacement therapy with buprenorphine (Subutex) and that doesn't detox you, it just keeps your mu receptors full and makes it very difficult to get an affect from any other form of opiate because of bupe's binding affinity to the receptors blocking the "good" stuff. I will say that if you'd asked me this past Saturday if I'd be okay with an 80mg dose, I'd have laughed at you but with the way I've stepped down the past couple of days, it isn't that difficult. I hope that eases a little bit of your anxiety. I promise if it starts to get more difficult, I'll be honest about it. (I'm pretty whiny, so if I'm uncomfortable, people will know.)

I know, for me, the anxiety has been largely overshadowed by the relief that I get the opportunity to taper instead of going cold turkey in a rehab or jail. If it's any consolation, it could definitely be worse. Are you ready to quit? I mean, have you made the decision that you no longer want to use because I know for me, for a while I didn't want to quit and at that point a taper wouldn't have worked. I'd have cheated already. My wife is holding the taper stash (well, she's holding the key to the safe that the gear is in, I don't want to make it sound like she's walking around with an 8 ball of dope in her pocket), but I would have no problem having more delivered to me while she was busy IF I didn't want to quit or were being forced into this. You definitely have to be taking steps towards getting clean for YOU. It's a selfish process that you have to want. If you're ready, I can say from my first three days experience that there's nothing to fear. I'm doing a 2 1/2 week, slow, small step taper and so far, I've been perfectly comfortable. Time for my 1:30 dose...... Talk soon!!!
 
OK.... So, I said that i'd bitch if I needed to so, here goes. Yesterday, after posting I prepped my 1:30 dose and excitedly went into the back room of my office to administer said dose and apparently, in my excitement, I freaking MISSED! I'm sure the majority of the shot was destroyed by histamines (if that happens. There's no actual knowledge to back that assumption, but typically, if I miss a shot and have a big histamine reaction, I feel NONE of the shot). After 1/2 hour, I went to my wife and begged for my prn dose that I've allowed myself in the outline for situations like this, but it's only a half dose so 40mg instead of 80. That shot went fine but I could tell that I was low on drugs in the bloodstream.

My next dose was scheduled for 7pm and I knew it was going to be a long ride but I held on tight and found stuff to do to keep my occupied. At 4:00, an opportunity presented itself to go home early and I took it. My wife and I share a car, so she drove me home and, knowing that she wouldn't be back home from work until around 8pm, we decided to leave the 7pm dose with me. Knowing that I only had one more dose for the day, I was able to hold out for a while and around 5:30 I felt like I couldn't take it, so I started to prep my shot and my alter ego said to me, "You know..., Bob (name changed to protect the guilty) is right around the corner. I could get a couple bags from him and add them to this shot. It's not like you'll be taking MORE than you're supposed to because you fucked that shot up earlier." Considering nobody was around to see me do it, I agreed whole heartedly with this jackass and texted "Bob" the typical "Yo, where you at?" and got the typical, "wut up?" response. I asked him for 4 bags (I actually had enough cash for a whole bundle but I wanted to be "a good boy" (I'm a sick motherfucker!!) and only add what I'd missed earlier that day. Bob told me that he had to run home and get it but would be to me in a few minutes so I sat and waited... and waited... and waited... until finally at 7pm (when I was supposed to take my shot) I texted and called and got a response, "I'll get up with you later, I ran out and had to go re up." (YOU ASSHOLE!!!)

By this time, I had it in my head that I was taking a larger shot that 80mg and having had to wait so long, it was more justified than ever. (Fellow addicts are familiar with this "logic"). So... with no dope being delivered , I googled "How to pick a sentry 1100 fire safe" and to my astonishment, there were dozens of youtube videos and tutorials on how to break in this "fortress". My weapon of choice was a fingernail file that I inserted into the key hole and turned. POP, it was open and I was looking at the stash. I added another 80mg to my mixer becasue I was still "sticking to the rules and only taking my allotted amount for the day" mixed it up, poke, pull, push, pull, ahhhhhhhh. I nodded for about 10 seconds then my phone rang. Bob. I ignored the call and tried to sink back into my state of bliss when I heard a horn blow. Fucking Bob was in my driveway. He'd hauled ass two towns away, re upped, and balled it back to my place. I walked outside to meet him and told him that I was good, that I'd managed to get to the stash that was under lock and key and no longer needed any extras. "You sure? It's them Ferraris. From what I hear, this shit is gas!" I bought 2 bags.

As soon as bob left, I ran upstairs because the clock was ticking for my wife getting home. I meticulously opened the two glassine baggies, as I always do, and spilled them onto a folded piece of paper then into my mixer. Added water, blah, blah, blah... and two more bags (36mg. I weighed them) into the bloodstream. I was nowhere near nodding but definitely happy and pain free when my wife arrived home. After being home for 5 minutes, she let out a "DAMMIT" and when I asked her what was up, she said she left her tablet at work. (We both play Clash Royale and Clash of Clans) I told her to go back and get it and she started complaining about how it'd be a wast of time. I told her I wanted her to be happy so if she was really that concerned about pinching pennies, that I would only take a 20mg dose for my bedtime dose if she'd go get it. She did, and I did. I admitted my exploits with the safe to her and asked that she find somewhere to keep it because I obviously still can't be trusted and that was that.

All of that to get to this. I think that because of the "extra" doses yesterday, I am having a harder than I should time today. Today, I'm down to 60mg 4x (morning, 1:30, 7, and bedtime) a day and I've been shivering with chicken skin, achy all over and nauseous. I've also been a bit emotional all morning. I asked my wife for my 1:30 dose early and with tears streaming down my face. She didn't argue. She just hugged me and reminded me that it's not going to be all roses candy canes but, she's got my back. (Of course, I'm tearing up again typing this because I really couldn't imagine being this lucky after all I've done during my active use.) That dose helped a little with the shivers and nausea. My aches and pains are still preset and prevalent so I've taken a couple naproxen and aspirin. No... not the best start to the day but I'm not giving up. I'm going to chalk my discomfort this morning up to my own antics last night (something to think about, Rachel :) )And hopefully, I'll stabilize soon.

Thanks for taking the time to read this crap. I know nobody here knows me and though I wouldn't wish this affliction on anyone, I'm glad there are people who understand.

Til my next breakdown or breakthrough.....

Kevin
 
Wow, that sounds like quite a day you had!!! I was ROFL at the part of you googling how to open that type of safe, the things we get up to lol, thank fuck for the internet, I seriously don't know what we would do without it. Keep a hold of your wife, definitely a keeper!!! She's got your back, remember that :) How are you feeling now? I have just ordered kratom from the states, have you tried it? I had a 25gr bag of a certain strain of kratom, I toss & washed it with tea, it was fucking disgusting but I barely thought of gear for a few hours, I dread the mornings, withdrawal is hell lol :)
 
Yo! What a day!

You're posting style is pretty addictive. You sound like you've got a good relationship with Wifey. Man, when all else fails, support from other humans can cause great, amazing things.

That was very fun to read.

They're banning Kratom now, so...
 
Rachel: You're extremely fortunate if you got an order for kratom in as it has officially been banned in the US. It's total bullshit in my opinion, but I guess big pharma has to keep tabs on the shit that works in order to keep the bottom line nice and fluffy. I've tried kratom and even with the ultra superior, enhanced, gold, multi vein color blend made by the hands of a virgin drug addict (extremely rare stuff) I didn't get that much of an effect. Not to discount the potential of kratom, just saying that I've IV'd in excess of 1/4 gram of some beautiful afghan #4, so my tolerance is ruined for anything like kratom or opium cabbage (yes, it's a thing and yes, I've tried it.. tastes like shit!). Toss and wash is an amazing display of determination. You've REALLY got to want that mitraginine sp? to fill your mouth with chunky dust and not gag. (Again, in my opinion only. I'm a gagger, but I've done the toss and wash method without incident because I REALLY wanted that opioid!)

Nix: Thank you! I'm glad to hear that what I'm posting isn't boring the readers to tears. You're spot on that my relationship with my wife is incredible. She's the most patient, understanding, supportive person that I've ever had the pleasure of keeping company with. She was so naive and innocent when we first met and married and I'm ashamed to admit that I've opened her eyes to so much. When we met, I was clean. throughout most of my twenties, I drank. Drugs have always been a part of my life but, booze was my DOC for the majority of my life. I'm not going to rattle off my whole relapse/recovery/transition to drug use story that came shortly after our wedding (I'll save that for another thread. LOL) but I am back to not drinking and as I've said, heroin was a product of seeking a shortcut around the medical system that refused to treat my degenerative disk disease (With opiates. I'm sure they'd have no problem offering physical therapy and I know that there are quite a few ortho docs just waiting to cut my ass open and tinker with my spine.) . None of that justification changes the fact that my wife had never had an experience with the "drug scene" until meeting me. That being said, she still maintains a heart of gold, even now, after all that I've exposed her to and put her through. She's currently in the process of helping save my life.

How am I doing/feeling today. My favorite line from "The Crow" sums it up best. I feel like a little bitty worm on a big fucking hook! Yesterday was wildly uncomfortable, but I started to level off last night. Today's dosage and schedule is the same as yesterday's and I, so far, am having a much better day, physically, than yesterday. Mentally... I'm a train wreck. I miss the dulled senses and careless, floating-through-life feeling. I know it's a facade and that real life isn't bliss, masturbation, and pastrami sandwiches but I've been so used to either being high enough to not care, or busy trying to get drugs so that I CAN get high enough to not care. I miss the chase. That "Mission Impossible", timing was so close that my dealer was leaving just as my wife was turning into the neighborhood adventure. I miss the distraction that both scenarios offered because, truth be told, my life is pretty fucking boring (most readers would think otherwise reading this shit, but you're getting the abridged version, not the hours of playing on my tablet or working in my wood shop because I have no social life). I've spent a significant amount of time the last couple of evenings working in the shop, building a desk for my wife and doing dovetail joinery on the drawer just to keep my hands and head busy and away from my phone. I hate that I have no way to completely forget my dealer's phone numbers because, even if I deleted them, I have enough memorized that I could find them in my cell phone bill if I looked and I don't know if I have the will to stay quit once this taper is over. I've thought a LOT about what a 8 bag shot would feel like once my tolerance has lowered and I've been clean for a while and HOLY SHIT that sounds tempting!! I'm babbling, so I'm going to end on a positive note...

The remainder of this taper and beyond is totally in my control. My body is proving just as resilient as any other human body and adjusting to the lower doses and I'm sure that I am physically capable of finishing this thing. I need to prepare for the mental aspect and at least knowing that gives me hope and something to strive for.

Cheers!!!
 
onlyonephreak said:
I miss the chase. That "Mission Impossible", timing was so close that my dealer was leaving just as my wife was turning into the neighborhood adventure. I miss the distraction that both scenarios offered ...
Click to expand...

You are onto something important here. Lots of people here have written about how the whole clandestine aspect of procurement is something that they miss. I think one of the best ways to address this is to introduce something that really gets your adrenaline going. My son's pediatrician once casually remarked that he was an "adrenaline junkie" and years later, in active addiction, he and I would have a conversation about exactly what you are talking about here--how the whole process of finding, ordering, buying was something that he anticipated as much as the high itself. If risk is something you are drawn to naturally then you may want to find a good, legal outlet for that. My surviving son has the same needs and he regularly takes himself out into the unknown alone to feed that part of himself. I do believe that taming addiction is all about self discovery. What do I need? What am I getting from this that I could get another way? What am I not getting in my life that in fact I need?

BTW, I'm jealous of your wood skills. That set of skills and talent is on my long list for my next life.=D
 
Mhm!

I took carpentry last year. For the next three years I'll be doing welding.

Glad to hear you're spirits are not broken. What kind of woodwork do you do? Working with your hands is so great, considering people are the most effective at it.
 
Hey I no u said you was on Subutex have you tried a taper with Subutex. I was only 250 milligrams of Oxycodone a day I started with three pills of Subutex 8 milligrams my first two days I did 4 milligrams for the next 2 days I did 2 milligrams then I did one milligram for two days. And I got gabapentin and RLS medicine prescribed. And I feel like the old me for some reason I know it's not heroin but I'm opiates are a bitch and I'll keep you in my prayers good luck
 
Hey guys. Sorry to go MIA for the weekend. Just wanted to drop a quick note to say I'm alive and well and just had a busy/crazy weekend but I'm still on track.

Rachel,
If I remember correctly, your taper starts today. (It's already tomorrow there). I just wanted to let you know that you're going to be in my thoughts all day! It's a tough, confusing, roller coaster ride but I know you can do it!!! I'm down to virtually nothing and spent the majority of the day in my wood shop actually working on stuff, not just sitting there dreaming of dope. (I did my fair share of that, but got through it). Be strong!!! You can do this!!!

Nix, herb, had… I'll chat with u tomorrow… its 1:30am and I have to drop a fat guy on my wife and fart half the night. (She's so fortunate, my wife!!) :). Have a great night and I'll fill in the blanks of the saga (and maybe give a few woodworking pointers) tomorrow lunchish EAstern, US. G'nite all!
 
my guess he's either too sick to post 'coz cold turkey or back on the smack the latter. I find it incredible that that guy can taper on H that way. Hitting 5x a day is not required. First step should be to go to 2x per day - that's all you need if the H is good. But whatever, when he jumps off its gonna hurt for a week. Better plan would be to goback to subutex. Me I've failed to quit many times. But its over a week since i used a needle. 11 days in fact. Switched to suboxone first couple days are bad but when it build up and kicks in it will hold you all day and take your mind off the gear. yes it gets harder each time you try. But I got more resolved each time i tried too. This time I've tapered from 24mg a day to 4mg over those 11 days. Got enough subs for a couple more days on 4mg then it will be 2 for a few days then 1 then 1/2 1/4 0 for one daya 0 again then maybe a final 2mg. That's the plan anyway. H habit was getting bad easily use a gram of top qual per day. financially devastating as well. reason i started hasn't gone away - got used to needles cos of ongoing health issues - regular blood samples. Depression due to marital issues and the HIV - but this time I don't wanna go back to shit on the street - hate that scene. But all my friends are there.anyway - hope OP is ok.
 
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