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Heroin ruining our relationship

PendulumAM

PendulumAM

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 27, 2009
Messages
265
Location
New England
When I met my boyfriend he was a month out of rehab (opiates and some other drugs). Fast foward to January 2010, I come back to our college town from xmas break and he introduces me to shooting roxies and oxys. Now I had tried them before but snorting and smoking never got me feeling great, just nauseus and tired. but shooting them was amazing. we both started shooting pills everyday. 2 months later my bf found an old dope connect and we started doing heroin.
I feel like our relationship has changed because we have revolved around opiates for the past 6 months. I am worried that we can never go back to a pre-heroin time. my bf ended up borrowing about $3000 from me because I would have to pay for his stuff a lot too, and I couldn't say no because I wanted it too. we barely have sex and don't go out much at all, even though we are 21 and 19 and in a huge college town. heroin is the other man in our love triangle.
has anyone else been in a situation like this with a SO? are we doomed to fail? I'm a really shy and insecure girl and I love my boyfriend so much; I feel like most people are hard to talk to or think I'm different but my boyfriend is my one true friend and love. but I'm worried we will crash and burn if nothing changes.
 
Really you have to make a choice: do you want to go deeper into addiction, and wind up a junkie....dealing with the backstabbing, the never ending lies, the perpetual trauma that becomes life?

OR

Do you want to make an effort to get help, not just for you, but for him as well?

It's going to be tough, because he's already been there and made his choice---he chose to take you down with him. Now, it's up to you to either save both of your lives, or get out while you still can.
 
The Chemist is right. There is no middle ground on this one. You can probably hold a job and be a junkie, I always fucked that up though, but you can't be worth enough as a human being to be in a relationship.
 
The Chemist said:
Now, it's up to you to either save both of your lives, or get out while you still can.
Click to expand...

It's not up to you so save both your lives, only your own. And to me that means leaving this relationship and getting clean. You're up against a powerful adversary in heroin and you stand a far better chance of beating it on your own, now, before its hold on you only gets greater. You love him but this is a matter of survival. And in the meantime he can clean up too, you can be reunited 2 years down the line, have a nice family, happy days. But don't hold your breath. I'm sorry to be blunt but I'm afraid in my experience it's true.
Listen to the little voice inside you and find the courage to act on it, in some way at least.
 
If you care about him then I think you should try to help him get clean too. You definitely should not abandon him because it is easier for you to get clean on your own. A relationship is about learning to not just look out for yourself before all others, but instead to look out for your partner as well. You shouldn't just throw him away when times get tough.
 
The Chemist said:
Really you have to make a choice: do you want to go deeper into addiction, and wind up a junkie....dealing with the backstabbing, the never ending lies, the perpetual trauma that becomes life?

OR

Do you want to make an effort to get help, not just for you, but for him as well?

It's going to be tough, because he's already been there and made his choice---he chose to take you down with him. Now, it's up to you to either save both of your lives, or get out while you still can.
Click to expand...


Spot on.
 
She's young, shy, insecure, and he came along fresh out of rehab and introduced her to shooting drugs. Why should she stay with him? Out of 'love'? I think the OP deserves better, and should to get clean and grow in self belief and confidence so she can find someone worthy of her. Maybe get help to deal with the issues that caused her to make these choices.
Everyone deserves a happy life and I feel this is a 'fork in the road' moment for the OP, the next 5 years could go one way or the other. Call me unromantic.
 
well love and romance are some of the most painful things out there... you two jace had a clean relationship before so i would say this is of some benefit.

if you don't want this life anymore, tell him,.tell him the drugs are not why you love him, and that the heart that has occurred and is inevitably to come is nothing you want in life, he as himself is what you love and you as your self is what he should love.

you now know what shooting dope is about, so does he, and he did before, why would he put you in harms way. you, are his inner excuse and justification now, the break up or worse will come with this life style choice.

put up a wall, there is no pleading for drugs, he needs to plead for you... you can not be physically addicted much quicker then it took to get you hooked, a few days of a nasty case of the flu, you've done that, there was no "miracle cure" though, so out was easier to sit through, routine even.

that for a long happy life with a rare thing, love and mutual respect, it could be his, if he choses not, go find yours. im sorry you have found yourself in this mega predicament, but, you can come out of it a much stronger person when this is over with.

ill be hoping for you two.
 
As cynical as I tend to be, I like to try and believe in love. I agree with what everyone has already said and I realize that you are young and it could be best for you to just leave, but if you truly love him tell him, and tell him you want out of this junkie lifestyle. Make an effort if you love him but be prepared to leave if he doesn't want to change, sure you deserve better but it's not like he tied you down and forced you to try this stuff, some of us are curious and try things and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Ultimately do what you need to do to move your self forward. Good Luck!
 
Im going to go against the grain here but....

He introduced you to shooting up. Then he introduces you to quite possibly, the dirtiest, most awful drug around in heroin. He then uses you as his cash cow?

My advice? Sort yourself out first and foremost. Heroin is the one path you do not want to go down. By all means, try and help him, but if he isnt commited to getting clean, cut your ties. You are what, 19? You have your whole life ahead of you and it would be an absolute shame for you to waste the life thats ahead of, feeding a smack habit.
 
I think it was completely asinine for him to have introduced you to such a horrific addiction just after he tried to beat it by himself. You have to look out for yourself first and foremost, get clean and stay clean. You may find that he hinders that plan in the long or short run.

You love him, but it's not worth wasting your life away. No one is. And no one that truly loves you would want you in this kind of state, on death's door every day.

If you can both get clean and stay that way together, all the better for it. But if you're together and he relapses, will you follow suit? Will you be strong enough to stay away and help him or leave?

I know these are all very difficult choices/moves to make, but heroin is a one way street and not something you can afford to continue.
 
my present girlfriend used to be addicted to DXM, cocaine, and meth but had been clean for a year before we started dating. I shot her up on dope and she liked it. A lot. I'm broke and used to doing dope once a week, or whenever I can afford it. But she doesn't think like that, and has the money to buy it. For the past 2 weeks we've been splitting $100-150 a day, which actually isn't enough to get me that high but her tollerence is really low so she nods every time. I know this is a dead end path, but I know how you feel, it brings you together and apart at the same time.

Good luck on getting clean, I hope we both can smarten up soon
 
Wow that's some deep shit. And what comatoserct said too.. deep shit.

I myself was in a 4 year relationship starting in high school. We fell madly in love before the drugs came in. About 6 months in we started smoking pot a little more frequently and by our year anniversary getting high seemed to be the center of our relationship. At first this seemed like an awesome bonding thing, but it was slowly tearing us apart. I know you guys are doing heroin, a much more controlling and addictive substance.. but the moral of this story is the same: a relationship centered around drugs is doomed to fail.

During my relationship towards the end I could see that getting high for everything was ruining us (among other things maybe). My ex was crazy, manically depressed, and a full blown addict. I'm an addict myself but I'm a lot more logical than her. I believe towards the end she was just using me because i can obtain pot so easily. When we broke up she immediately went to harder drugs and made some other choices that I believe ruined her life.

So my point is.. it is very possible that drugs ruined your relationship. There may be no turning back. You may have to move on. It's going to be extremely difficult breaking up.. especially since getting high together positively reinforces pleasant feelings of being together.. But it's just not gonna work for a relationship.

You're ALREADY seeing that it's ruining your relationship. That's a sign that you need a heroin-free relationship. Act on your instinct. Although you've had wonderful sober times together.. this was BEFORE drugs came in. Now his priority is getting high. Both of your priorities will be warped. You want to quit drugs... he may not be ready to quit and it will just prolong your misery making your life and quitting drugs 1000x more difficult. You have to be tough, stern, and realize that you're better than that. You should be able to feel love and romance with just the two of you.. no drugs involved. Borrowing 3000 dollars from you? Sounds like a serious problem to me. And let's say you both try to quit.. and he relapses in a month.. what does this mean for you? You can't live like this.

I'm shy and insecure myself and didnt' want to break up. but in the end things got just.. so bad that we don't even talk now after our entire high school career of being together EVERY DAY doing every thing and sharing every moment together for FOUR YEARS. Believe me one of the hardest addiction to quit in my life was my relationship with her. She ended up being a horrible person. You two are probably going to crash and burn and it's not going to work out I would get out of this relationship if I were you. If you do decide to give the relationship a chance, go to NA constantly together, maybe send him to rehab again.. and be quite aware that a complete recovery for the both of you is absolutely necessary. I still don't think it will work with him.. he doesn't sound ready. You need to move on. Nomatter how shy and insecure you are realize that you have your needs and he might not be able to fulfill them nomatter how in love you are with him. Also, the sooner you get out of the relationship the easier it will be. Good luck!
 
ALOT of good advice and some hard learned facts^^^, bottom line is that you need to help yourself first, if you and he were meant to be, it will come together down th road.The ods are VERYlow that you will beat ti together. Good luck...
 
Your choices here are very tough. Even though you love your BF, the drugs will kill you both, never mind the relationship. You need to act, and for yourself as he can only do the same. You cannot "save" him, only he can do that. You need to save yourself, and soon before you die.

I have been in this situation, my GF at the time kicked me out as I was spiraling out of control and she did not want to go down with me. It was the best thing she ever did for me!

Now I find myself in a similar and sticky situation, my present GF is suffering from a life threatening illness and I am starting to creep towards out of control. She needs me to be strong and help her. Unfortunately the stress of her illness and her tremendous mood swings make it hard to get/stay clean. Not an excuse, but a reason why it is tough presently. I know I must cut the losses for both of us, perhaps I will do more good from afar.

You on the other hand are young and otherwise healthy (I presume) and have no outstanding issues that are tying you to him. Save yourself. You may find down the road that you did both of you a favour as he may get his shit together with a wake-up call such as this. Addiction is a cruel and unforgiving hostage taker. As you say, you never go out and your lives revolve around getting high and all that entails.

I wish you the best and hope that you can summon the courage to do what you must do for yourself. Remember, you can only save you. By example you may save him too!
 
Thank you guys for all the advice. Well I am back home from college for summer break, away from my boyfriend and dope for the summer (I have some suboxene to help me quit) and I am getting clean but I'm so worried about my boyfriend. I'm always scared that he will get in trouble or do something stupid. I miss him so much but since I will be forced to get clean over the summer, I am glad to be gone since I can help him get clean once I come back to school. a lot of the problem was that we both wanted to do it, and if one person wants to quit, seeing the other person do drugs doesn't help at all. He probably wont do it as much now either since I'm not there to give him extra money.
 
^^ It's so good to hear you're back home and away from dope so you can really focus on getting clean. I sincerely wish you all the best hun. I also hope the best for your boyfriend, and that when you go back you can help him to get clean as well. You sound like a really strong person so I know you can do it <3
 
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