wat id like to say that i always suggest to those who feel their lives r meaningless without heroin/watever opiate u use....GET A HOBBY
i know its hard wen ur depressed but just forcing urself to get out of bed and do something evryday that has meaning and u know u will enjoy once u get started, helps
of course ur depressed - ur suffering from PAWS, ur endorphin levels r low, low, low
heres wat ill share as far as my recoverys gone - being honest - since ive left detox
SHIT
i was on suboxone and it was not working, as ive said - i had to up my dose weekly.....even the highest doses werent holding me
and some side effects of suboxone r mood swings, nausea and depression.....esp in ppl with conditions like ADHD/bipolar/other problems to do with dopamine
for months i spent my days in bed, huddled up, crying....often sleeping......didnt want to see my friends or my horse, i was losing weight like nothing else and barely came on BL towards the end
it got so bad i was suicidal and starting to think about starting to self-harm (ive never done this before)
i constantly injected sterile water and still hav horrendous track marks up my arms, legs and even on my feet and hands
and half the time i was in withdrawal cos suboxone didnt hold me
but i still forced myself evryday to go for a walk thru the park with my bf (now fiance - he popped the question today!), my mums elderly pitbullX and my adolescent rottweiler, after dosing on my subs
evry time id come back from being hauled by that rottweiler, therefore moving at a fast pace and getting my heart pumping and muscles working, id come home, feeling better (until the next day)
i was too dopesick to ride sadly, cos if id bn able to id hav forced myself to ride maverick (my horse) - that really is a worthwhile hobby
now im on methadone im starting to feel well - i rode today and evryday since i took my first dose i hav bn up and about!
im still a litttle dopesick but as anyone on MMT will know (or maybe thats the policy just over here) theyre not allowed to start u at any higher than 40mg during the first 4 days (stabilisation period)
as im on a relatively high dose of valium for my weight, even with the high dose of suboxone id swapped to methadone from, i was only given 30mg in case of overdose, esp as its easter and no doctors were around for the 4th day at the clinic
im not so dopesick its ruining my life - its mainly during the night i start to get the ache in my back and legs and by the time i arrive at the clinic my nose and eyes r runny and im yawning with huge pupils
the main thing im trying to say is
force urself to get out there and do something whether u like it or not and b aware that suboxone (if ur on it) has those side effects in some ppl, therefore making it unsuitable for many ppl
i wud never go on subs for maintenance again - detox yes, maintenance, no
methadone may b more hellish to come off but it makes me feel more stable
but then our bodies all work diffrently i guess so im not out to say blame it all on the subs!
choose hobbies that help create endorphins naturally - for me, thats playing with and walking my big puppy (and walking the old pittie), i also enjoy playing guitar (and singing along creates endorphins!), going hunting (although my cousin has my guns at the family hunting lodge 4hrs away atm!), and of course spending time with maverick just brushing him, cuddling him and riding him
also, if u hav a partner, sex helps create endorphins
if u dont hav a partner we all hav hands.....
anyway....just some suggestions
gd luck to u all - and ur doing well, many of u, u shud b proud of urselves
carl- wen u read back over ur old posts rather than being depressed by them, try to think wat i think 'look how far ive come'
u deserve a pat on the back
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
though it is not that I don't want to.
But I secretly wanted it myself and it was pretty much free. Ugh. I really need to throw my phone into a fucking river or something and lock myself in my room.
