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Heroin has my soul

bdomihizayka

bdomihizayka

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2012
Messages
582
Location
Down the rabbit hole
Hey, I am 3 months clean from heroin. I only went on a 2 month run....that's the extent of my addiction. Tried all other drugs before, and nothing hooked me like dope. It really got to my head. I had to move to Russia, where heroin is impossible to score. I hate this. I want to go home. But my mind is on heroin all the time. It's all I can think about....it's psychological torture.

I have no education, nothing to fall back on. I played guitar my whole life and got really lucky with a contract. Sex, drugs and rock and roll are synonymous though. i can't go back.....but the money's huge. It's all I know.

This is a disease.....it's a FUCKING disease......I never believed it......but now I'm infected.
 
Hang in there dude..
3 months clean is an absolute achievement in itself.. But it takes time.
I think its a good thing that you are stuck in Russia.
If you have no access to heroin there, you won't face the strong risk of relapsing.
It will get better man.
Takes time.
 
Hey man, 3 months is a big f'ing deal. Congrats. I never touched H, but did quite a dance with meth. I wasn't able to quit until I moved far away from where I had lived for years. I've been clean coming on 2 months, and I know in a heartbeat if I went back to my old city I'd be high within a week. So, I don't even entertain leaving. You've got this. You're in a place, while not home, is safe for you. You're doing a great job, just keep going.
 
Yeah...Its hard right now but try to be proud of yourself....I am proud of you... Ive got the same thing in a way going on right now. Mind wont drop it. I change what Im doing all the time...Keep distractions...I keep thinking "let life be amazing" that line might mean a lot more to me its from a song by someone I know n it really gets to me somehow. but if i force myself to think things like that and ponder them n just walk...look at things around me get out of myself somehow. It does help. I had a moment today where I actually said...Life is amaaaazing n meant it and that was insaaane for me lol. Right now im stuck again ive been pacing just breaking but seeing this...new perspective...got me outta myself n thinking about u n that u made it this far thankyou for that...im only 3 days now...It sucks its soo fucking rough..but three months...your gettin there...Id say stick it out there longer too. Youve made it this far..Ill Be thinkin about u n prayin for u..Keep swingin back at that evil bitch...You got this...Youll find peace again Youll find deep joy. No more everyday is alright and ok but you can have sooo much more. dont settle...
 
Is there any recovery in Russia? Can you speak russian lol? I just want to make sure you work on yourself and try and find out what draws you to heroin use. The geographical change isn't a successful fix usually because as soon as you go somewhere with the drug available you are at a high risk of relapse. Use this time away to really work on yourself, I was the same situation I moved away from my home town for ~8 months stayed clean the whole time and the second day back I copped. Didn't even think about it cuz the entire time away I was just working and chilling not working on my addiction at all
 
Uhh russia has the largest heroin using pppulation in the world. But there are literaly no recovery places there that you want to go to. Just stay away from the crokodil
 
I am just out of a second heroin addiction. I am using Suboxone to stave off the cravings and it's working amazing for me.

Don't wanna piss on your parade mate or play down your problem, but if you were only on it for two months as you say, then your problem is purely one of a psychological nature. Believe me and others when I/we say that you are lucky to have cut it out at the level you are at.

For me, when I was two months in, the gear was never a problem. It's when you get further down the line that the problems start. As an example, selling all your possessions, fucking friends and family over etc etc, I lost my kids and everything man, so please please just stay away from the shit before you get in too deep.

I would also suggest that you DO NOT enter into any treatment programme due to the length of your habit being so short. You would just end up with a legal addiction that is just as hard, if not harder, to get rid of!

Anyway, thats just my 2 pence worth there, and I wish you all the best with your struggles in the future.
 
Dude I've been there...multiple times. But now, after doing 90 days and getting on subutex and also xanax for anxiety I have NO CRAVINGS. Look into suboxone or subutex because I was clean for 3 months but still depressed and felt lifeless unless I forced myself to go exercise and now I am living life again and it's so much better. What scares me for you is I have had soo many friends OD after going to jail or rehab and then hitting up into a clean system w/ a low tolerance and they are dead now so be safe whatever you do bro.
 
Be very careful if you are in Russia and have a taste for the horse. I can't think of a worse place to end up strung out, what, with their lack of ORT, horrifying rehabs and dangerous home bake. It can get real bad real fast over there if you do find it, andprobably worse if you are a foreigner without local knowledge/intuition. As someone else said, their statistical use is very high, which is met with one of the most intolerant governments in the world. It has to be one gigantic life of fear. This is not to mention how much it would suck to be in WD in the middle of a Russian winter!

Can you make a living giving private lessons? This would allow you to use your skills without being exposed to the lifestyle.
 
crimsonjunk said:
Uhh russia has the largest heroin using pppulation in the world. But there are literaly no recovery places there that you want to go to. Just stay away from the crokodil
Click to expand...

Not tryin to be a dick, but Russia is the worst heroin country there is! although, Russia is huge, so who knows.....I take it you're not touring or recording, taking a break?....well you can definitely do without it, not easy though
 
BlueHues said:
Not tryin to be a dick, but Russia is the worst heroin country there is! although, Russia is huge, so who knows.....I take it you're not touring or recording, taking a break?....well you can definitely do without it, not easy though
Click to expand...

Yeah my buddy just got back from Russia for business and he said the dope scene is nuts out there.

And that krokodil shit is brutal.
 
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