Heroin has infested my group of friends and its my fault

[WhiteLinesNcoffee]

Ijust want to start the post off with a little info about myself. I am about to finally turn 21 and over the years i have developed a very close-nit small group of friends that are like family. We have always partied but it has never really got out of hand until this last summer. About a year a go I got the bright idea to try heroin. I had always enjoyed using opiates and never really had a problem with them. Basically I underestimated the draw of heroin.

I introduced all my friends to it, and they all LOVED it. Fast forward a year now, and everyone single one of my friends is now struggling with it (some worse then others). One of my friends spends all of his money on it and I watch him suffer everytime he runs outs and all this pain I witness i feel somewhat responsible for. I know in the end it was their own choice, but I was the one who swung open the door for them. My best friend of 15 years started shooting and spiraled out of control. He almost died several times in one week and if it wasn't for myself he would of died in his sleep.

That was a wake up and snapped most of us out of it. But clean time didn't last and now everyone who had stopped is using again. The supply is super close at hand so it makes it even harder. I know this post is kinda hard to follow so i appolgize i am just venting because I feel so guilty. None of them would of ever been exposed to it if it wasn't for me. And although I have always been able to bounce back i fear more and more that my friends wont be able too. And these people as I mentioned earlier are like family to me. Not just bunch of random user-buddies or my other friends. These people are like blood to me.

 

[effie]

WhiteLinesNCoffee:

Thank you for being brave enough to post that there! Have you had a look at the guilt thread we have here? Guilt is one of the most destrictive, useless emotions we have.. we have no way of going back in time and changing things, so there is nothing productive that can come of guilt, apart from it changing the way we act in the future..

The truth is, your friends are all individuals and it was their choice to try heroin. It sounds like they were all very willing - and if it hadn't have been you, it would likely have been someone else.. people make their own choices..

When you introduced them to it, you had no idea this would happen, did you? You would never intentionally do anything bad to your friends, your love for them shines through your post, and I am sure you would change things in a heartbeat if you could, so why beat yourself up over it? You didn't do anything malicious.. heroin had caught out so many people - you and your friends are not the first, and sadly you won't be the last, and it is absolutely not your fault..

The fact that you care about them so deeply is something to be very proud of

I understand how much you want to help your friends, and it is great if you are able to support them, but it is very difficult to do this if you need support yourself - are you using at the moment? Do you feel able to quit? It's really difficult when a whole group are using - of course you want to support and help each other, but sometimes you need some distance to get yourself clean..

Much

 

[S.M.F.G]

Can relate in the way that i have unintentionaly introduced folks to all sorts of substances many of whom have formed a habbit or had problems, It does bring a degree of guilt I have experienced this first hand also. BUT @ the end of the day an individual has the chioce to do or not to do, its all free will you cant be held responsible for others actions even if you did introduce said substance into the picture. I feel terrible @ times but try not beat myself up bout it anymore coz @ the end of the day each individual is responsible for thier own actions, Not you. All i can offer to you advice wise is to be there for ur friends, engage in HR and maybe help out those who want the help, there is a bunch of links on this site pertaining to op8 treatment and tapering services. Something is better than nothing would you agree?
well wishes 4 u and ur circle

 

[my innerself]

WhiteLinesNCoffee:

Thank you for being brave enough to post that there! Have you had a look at the guilt thread we have here? Guilt is one of the most destrictive, useless emotions we have.. we have no way of going back in time and changing things, so there is nothing productive that can come of guilt, apart from it changing the way we act in the future..

The truth is, your friends are all individuals and it was their choice to try heroin. It sounds like they were all very willing - and if it hadn't have been you, it would likely have been someone else.. people make their own choices..

When you introduced them to it, you had no idea this would happen, did you? You would never intentionally do anything bad to your friends, your love for them shines through your post, and I am sure you would change things in a heartbeat if you could, so why beat yourself up over it? You didn't do anything malicious.. heroin had caught out so many people - you and your friends are not the first, and sadly you won't be the last, and it is absolutely not your fault..

The fact that you care about them so deeply is something to be very proud of

I understand how much you want to help your friends, and it is great if you are able to support them, but it is very difficult to do this if you need support yourself - are you using at the moment? Do you feel able to quit? It's really difficult when a whole group are using - of course you want to support and help each other, but sometimes you need some distance to get yourself clean..

Much

You couldn't have said it any better effie.

Don't beat yourself up too much mate. You wouldn't feel such guilt if you didn't feel such love for your friends and that is a true credit to you. Maybe you should talk to your friends about how you feel. Ask them to try quitting and be there to help them. If they don't want to quit then it is their choice.

 

[herbavore]

Hey, I started the guilt thread! So, I'm going to advise you to do what I say, not what I do As Effie and all the others said, move forward, don't get stuck. Seriously, use your closeness with your friends to help them any way you can. Tell them how you feel if you haven't already. Offer your help and encourage them to support each other in getting help.

 

[freddy47]

What everyone else said is pretty much true man. Don't blame yourself for that doesn't help anybody your friends included. I'm a former heroin addict myself and I've introduced heroin to people as well and I feel terrible. But then I remember at some point a friend of mine introduced it to me as well. And do I blame that friend? No I don't. I only blame myself for letting myself get outta control. The introduction was only a catalyst to an underlying problem. It was me and me alone who developed the problem and let it take control.

In the end we can only hold ourselves accountable for the things we have done. You can say that "oh, well my friends would have never tried it if it wasn't for me". Well be that as it may. Did you force your friends to try it? No. Did you get them addicted? Obviously not. They chose to do it of their own free will.

So the best thing you can do to help them is talk to them and let them know you are concerned about where their addiction is going. And if they choose to continue using its their choice.

Best of luck to ya man.

 

[maxalfie]

I was introduced to heroin by a friend of mine years ago. I was more than willing to give it a try at the time and of course I loved it.
Now its over a decade later and my friend has been clean for 2 years while I still use on a regular basis.
Basically I just want to say that in no way do I blame my friend for giving me that first taste of heroin.
I chose at the time to take it, he didn't encourage or force it on me. It was also my decision to find myself a dealer and carry on using over all these years.
The same applies to you and your friends. They all made their own minds up to try it that first time and then to carry on using it. Its not as if you were holding a gun to their heads each time they scored and used.
Please don't let guilt torture you, the choices yr friends made were their own and not yours.

 

[WhiteLinesNcoffee]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am trying not to beat myself up it is just so hard because i see everyone stuck. I am just so worried that nothing is ever going to be the same. I see it eroding everyone's soul around me. My friends are acting different its all they do. I am not exception it is on my mind as well. The only difference is thank the fucking lord I can still catch myself rationalizing and make a change. It's when you truly believe that little voice whispering in your ear that it is ok to keep on going that one is truly fucked.

@effie oh I know i can quit. I actually just did w/d's over not that had any real ones cause I have never really had much of a habit. This summer was the first time i really fucked up but i quit then but, starting chipping. but it was one of the those things were i was slowly just going back so i just stopped. I dealt with the VERY mild w/d's. day 5 and fine. I am around it all the time but its not really an issue. I am not saying I am never going to do it again that is not the point for me. Opiates are the only drugs i truly enjoy. I just needed a break it's just to easy slip and fall when your juggling knives on the edge of a cliff ha.

 

[batmanplaybaseball]

One of my best friends introduced me to oxy, then heroin, three years ago. That started an addiction that would ruin almost everything in my life. I never blamed him and he is still one of my best friends. My ex-gf definitely blamed him though.

 

[drscience]

Guilt

I was the guy who brought heroin into our circle of friends...now my friends keep asking me to cop. I refuse and they get really pissed at me. Even caught my good friend snooping on my cell phone looking for my dealers number. (luckily I
had already deleted it).

God damn I'm short sighted sometimes.