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Heroin: From the beautiful times to the Hellish

C

castoutbySociety

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 27, 2010
Messages
65
Location
Central Coast, So-CAL
Hello all. I am in my mid 20s and have experimented, used drugs since the age of 12...beginning like most with marijuana and alcohol and working up to adderall and vicodin to LSD and mushrooms....and finally to my ultimate downfall...vicodin percocet oxycontin and opiates in general. For 3 years before/in early college I struggled to maintain composure with the balancing act some of us know as being a "functional addict" I would go out with friends, my family, go to parties act like a normal person while concealing from everyone that I had either shot up heroin or was on 160 - 260 mgs of oxycontin (oral)....I took 23 Norco in under 16 hours once....which contain 325 mgs of acetaminophen (tylenol) a piece so 325 x 23...which is about 7500 mgs of tylenol....HORRIBLE for the liver...causes sorosis similar to chronic alcoholics experience.
After moving to the West Coast from a midwestern city...I unfortunately was turned onto black tar heroin....which has effectively ruined my life for 2 years.. 2 of the major criteria for chronic substance addiction are 1) continued use despite negative consequences...(yep I know you feel me on that one guys) and 2) large amounts of time/energy devoted to obtaining/securing/thinking about the substance...and damn me if those dont describe my life perfectly.. Do yourself a favor everyone...DONT get started down the slippery slope of narcotics and specifically painkillers and opiates in general. Everytime I see a new post or new thread titled "new IV user" or "want to shoot up...help" or "should i try heroin?" it tears me up inside....bad.
For all those using and feel that they are stuck with no chance of effectively KICKING or going through withdrawel because like me going without for 6 - 12 hours ALONE can be absolute torture and agony. I have used on a DAILY basis...multiple injections....pur day for around 2 years...and I have just effectively kicked and detoxified my body by going on a regimented oxycodone taper down form of kicking....and it FUCKING WORKED....(golf clap)....so If you feel your life is going out of control as I did....try it out.....3 weeks ago before I sucessfully kicked I read numerous posts and threads about "if your veins are really that bad etc etc you need to just QUIT" and i said What do these guys know? Its NOT THAT easy...and dont mistake and think i am SAYING IT IS...it is the HARDEST thing i have ever gone through in my life and I wrote this in order to hopefully save someone from going off the deep end like me...because believe me it takes a while to swim back to the surface guys.

Be safe. Don't share. B positive.
 
Though I have no clue what the point of this thread is, as there really isn't any questions or discussion triggers, I will add my 10 cents worth.

I have struggled for 7 fucking years with narcotics. Im not biased, I hate to love them all. Most of my problems though have stemmed from i.v Dilaudid use. It has costed me a fortune as well. I have had three trips for 90 days to very expensive rehabs that cost me a years salary easily, I have been to detox 17 times, and have easily spent 3-4 months hospitalised in total.

I was clean for two years. I started back up by being Rx'd tylenol 4. I do have significant injuries that call for narcotics since nothing else works, but I think very few people who arn't dieing need 96mgs of hydromorphone prescribed per day. I dont want to tell my doctor. I have hid this relapse from my family, and only my cousin and girlfriend know.

I just bought 100 Dihydrocodeine tablets off the internet, they are the ones they use in the UK for maintainance.(DHC Continus). I ran out of my prescribed dilaudid and hydromorph contins, but I have many connects from other patients I have met, and do have some money, so I can afford just a taper. I can't go on using healthwise, relationship wise, and financially.

I inject. So I dont quite know how Im going to do it.
 
Suboxone can help! beleive me i was an oxycotin user, 240mg 4 oc 80's in 1 day. I have been on subs and have taperd down from 24mg's to 16m's and now to 8mg's. It helps with cravings and it is much , much more inexpensive as a bad pill habit. oh... and you CAN inject Suboxone so ther is no excuse. I wish you well.....
 
have you ever gave any thought to getting on some type of maintenance program? I used to be on suboxone which worked decently before it became too expensive, and before I couldn't afford it anymore my dumbass doctor took me off 8MG a day without weaning me off. So I relapsed hard hard on black tar heroin, and then on 1/27/10 I got on methadone maintenance. I was pretty bad around that time man, my first couple posts on this message board was me asking for help and support because I had gotten kicked out of my dads house because I stole and pawned everything in the house, and I was very addicted to black tar heroin and was withdrawling and having to sleep in my car in a walmart parking lot during the ice storm here in OKC, when it was like 15 degrees outside.... It wasn't fun.... But I got on methadone, and my dad went with me and we got everything out of pawn, and now its april and im living at my dads and everything is going GREAT. I don't think about opiates anymore, and just recently I bought an xbox 360 with all the goodies to go with it..... got an LCD HD TV in my room to go with the new xbox 360, which feels amazing to have something this nice for the first time in the last 6 years..... Before I would have just pawned it within a day!!!! maintenance saved and CHANGED my life!!!!!
 
As to I dont need any questions answered about my drug use or about heroin/drugs in general....it was simply an advice thread that I wrote late this morning....I was seeing all kinds of posts all over and in Other Drugs specifically with people wanting info about starting heroin use and how to do so and etc etc....and I was hoping to save a few the trouble of going through what we have gone through Deluded....I wouldn't really consider codiene tablets a horrible relapse from being an IV hm or whatever user....just don't let it get to that point where its on the slippery side of things again. Thanks for responding guys and putting in your 2 cents. Up with hope...down with dope...unless you got some for ME.

K

By the way I mentioned in my thread that I am prescribed OC and have been on a regimented maintainance program with them for around a month now and it has worked great to help me overcome the heroin addiction.
 
I FEEL YOU on that blackvinegar lol....before I quit using/back when my connections were less established I had my flatscreen TV...my iPOD touch....my digital Nikon camera.....and my fucking LAPTOP macbook pro (worst mistake ever)..and they work on a 3 month basis....you have to renew or pay back the loan by then but you dont realize in the beginning its at a fucking 36+ APR (annual percentage rate) which is RIDICULOUS. Luckily now...I have gotten EVERYTHING back from the pawnshop and hope to never do business with THOSE bastards again.
 
i was going to close this given that it struck me as a blog initially but with second thoughts it would be of vantage to move over to TDS for ya where you'll get more responses than in OD.

good luck
 
Nice story, I have seen too many fucked up lives from H. You quit early, Good Job!!

The man I use to get my smack from is named Daryll.
Now Daryll is 56 years old and is homeless. He knows everyone in town and everyone knows him. He shoots up at least 4 bags a day. I ask him, "how do you get all that money" he told me he panhandles and gets 70-100$ everyday.

He lives behind some dumpsters behind an apartment complex. He shares needles with his other homeless friends also. No children. No family anymore.
He started shooting heroin when he was in his 20's. Right after he left the Army. over 30 years of IV heroin abuse.
I watch him shoot in the veins in his neck and his feet.

This guy has the nerve to tell me he is going to rehab about 100 miles away, but yet I can find him on the street the next week.
Weird thing is before he has his "bag" he is so so calm. But right after that needle is pulled out he turns into the biggest dick in the world. ISNT THAT OPPOSITE OF WHAT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.
He lectures me for at least an hour on life choices and God?? like I care.

This forum sounds like what he tells me. And I have never IV H, but shit no thanks anyways.
Is that normal for a H addict????
Why hasn't he died yet????

Again, its amazing you got out of that deep Heroin Hole. Good Job.
Its a DEVIL.
 
I would say that is a normal STREET heroin addict...but I doubt some kid shooting dope in the suburbs who comes down to the ghetto to cop his dope would share a needle with him like his "homeless bros" do.

My point is, you can become an addict no matter what walk of life you come from...there is no "normal" dope addict criteria.
 
damn man...aint that some shit...ive been duin all sorts of (ANY) opiates for years n years now...but i remember a year ago i posted the classic "TO IV OR NOT TO IV?!?" question...at that point i said no...but one day i ran into someone with an 80 and a clean rig...biggest mistake of my life....slowly opiates tore my life down...ive been goin back n forth to get clean and suboxone has helped a lot through all this bullshit....but i had a REALLY bad benge last weekend...and shot almost 30 fuckin bags (good scramble too) from Friday night to sunday mornin...it was absolute torture waiting to get sick to take my first sub....but here i am...another relapse this past weekend...but im back on subs...and this weekend i had a life changing event (which i wont go into now its in another post) and i realized that this is my LAST CHANCE....and im quitting...for good...forever....100% done...caput...fanito....so good luck to everyone else in the same struggle as me....i know its hell and theres only one REAL way to beat it....and thats to never touch the shit again...get on a maintenance program...and re-build ur life....OH AND BTW....black vinigar....as soon as i got "clean clean" the first time i got a nice TV and a nice xbox 360 too...if u ever wunna get down on some "call of duty" i'll whoop ur ass HAHAHA jk jk but goodluck to everyone i love yall and i love this fuckin community...PEACE
~MDZ
 
Yo im on day 3 on subs after a year of sub/dope back and forth . im hurting................i plan on weaning off the subs asap............anyway what really stopped me this time is losing my job (not gonna start stealing for dope again ) and ending up in an accident nodding at the wheel.............now im worried as hell that its gonna catch up to me , (hasnt yet but who knows whats gonna happen ) The guilt of hurting my family (they dont know but probably suspect) is killing me with fear of truoble catching up to me .......Im still in school so im not gonna go away to rehab to kick , but this depression is eating me up ........hoping day 3 is worst of it .
 
i feel you here..... i had a similar progression, starting with pot and 2c-i at age 12, up through all the regulars and some rare ones, had a preference for psychedelics & stimulants, and in fact a deference towards opiates (didn't like oxy or vicodin really, opium was just "okay").... that is, until i tried heroin

it was a long, slow, sly progression into full-blown addiction..... by the time i started getting a little sick, and fixing it instead of waiting it out, i knew i was getting addicted... but it was too late to care

heroin is such a trap. my experience with it is that it makes you feel great at first, but then makes everything in your life and in your mind just so goddam BAD that all you want is dope, only dope can fix it..... it gives you the problem and the solution, all in one shot....

in fact, that philosophical wholeness, that self-contained duality, was a big reason i kept doing it.... it fit so nicely with all the conclusions i'd reached about existence in general, i felt as if it was meant for me...... listening to songs by heroin addicts (elliot smith or lou reed, for example) shows me that other people seem to think that too.

it makes you special, and alone, and perfect and non-existent. it's a weird trip.

i spent two years shooting dope--dropped out of school (my DREAM school mind you! i was so happy when i got accepted), got kicked out/ran away from home, lived in new jersey with my girlfriend for awhile, then took up all the money i had, bought a lot of dope and weed and two amtrak tickets to california..... my girl and i moved there, hated the black tar shit! got tangled up in methamphetamine and moved back home, tails between our legs

continued doing dope back home, in connecticut, scoring awesome grades in college but to this day i don't remember my teachers' faces, or their names, or even what classes i was taking. i would leave each class either by being nudged on the shoulder to wake up, or getting a phone call that i would jump up and answer in the hallway, unexcused...

....essentially, i spent two years in a blurry chaos, complete with robberies, violence involving wine bottles and frying pans, spiteful self-destruction, and total depression. eventually, the dope was making me depressed, the total opposite of high.

i've been off it for months now, with the help of inpatient rehab, outpatient rehab, i could say NA but those meetings don't really help me, some amount of willpower helps, and also suboxone. suboxone helps immensely.

let me reiterate: suboxone helps IMMENSELY.

it takes away all the horrible physical pains that make me think of doing dope, which would occur for months after i initially quit.... i was clean for like four months, then got on it again.... then gave it up again, and i've been clean since december 09.

and here i am, seriously tempted to get high on dope again. i have so many problems that will only be made worse if i get high, but i want to all the same. it's truly insidious. i always thought dope addicts were exaggerating the drama of it for attention and recognition, but no, it really is a wild mess.

i, too, wince when i see someone get curious about trying heroin...... i feel seriously guilty for turning on some of my friends, cus when i was using it i thought it was great, and "not so bad as they say." one of my best friends is still shooting a bundle or two a day, and my best friend in the whole world, a dear friend i loved like a brother, is now dead from an overdose.

he's not the only one.... just the one i was closest with.

heroin undid a lot of things for me. just as the subjective experience of the drug is one of apathetic self-abnegation, so is its outward effect on your world.... it undoes your accomplishments, dissolves the trust and connection with your friends.... kinda fries your brain, too. took me a few months off it before i was back at my regular reading speed.

it's fucked.... all this horrible stuff because of it, and still i want to do it. still i miss the feeling.

ugh.

i doubt what i've written is helpful or insightful at all, but i'll put it up there in case someone can relate, but they're only halfway through the progression, and maybe they'll be inspired to stop.

oh, i forgot, i caught some bad legal trouble too. my life is tightly monitored and restricted. i'm trying to learn to be a normal person now. and it's fucking HARD.

namaste
 
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thanks man. yeah ive been thru all the legal crap , jail and all , and i am in school and have things back but still went back to dope..............on day 3 today with no dope and still kinda sick with the subs even .............im scared to death now of legal trouble catching up to me from my last run
 
I really appreciate your post polio vaccine and some of the shit you say is like a portal into my life dude and it doesnt look good....jumping up outta class to answer that phone call... and i also got in an accident while nodding out at the wheel recently jake99 so i feel you there. Thanks for all the insight guys.
 
Nodded out... drifted into the middle lane from the fast lane on cal 101 north and clipped a bumper at 70.... almost put my baby (my car not an actual baby) into the wall at 60 or so...ended up in a full spin horizontel to traffic which if anyone has seen worlds wildest police videos people that do that get NAILED by drivers not paying attention....i was worried. Yourself?
 
hahha mdeezie1287 thats pretty funny, I don't think you would be able to whop my ass at some call of duty. At least if its world at war, I haven't played MW2 yet.... Yeah it feels pretty awesome having it, I hate pawn shops man.... Today on the way to my methadone clinic, I caught myself on the drive thinking about shooting up heroin and how it felt cooking it up in the spoon right before shooting up, how I would be in withdrawal, sweating all over myself ready to shoot the shit in my veins, then that feeling as it would wash over me and I would feel completely normal and high again.... im on 100MG, but its like its not helping my cravings anymore! they call it "stabilizing" I call it tolerance! I need an increase, but to go up once you hit 100 here in oklahoma city you have to pay $70 bucks and get a peak and trough test done which is blood work to see what your methadone levels are. I don't have that money right now so it sucks,...... I miss getting high the methadone doesn't do shit to me anymore, I litterally can't even tell I take an opiate everyday anymore
 
Thats what sucks about methadone, IMO. Its like you are just drinking a shot glass of water and if you dont drink that water you get sick and if you do drink it you feel normal. I suppose all opiate maintenance meds are that way but methadone has some serious ass-kicking power behind it. It was sooo fucking hard for me to get off methadone. It sucked I gave up and went back to shooting dope so I could get into a rehab as many dont like to take methadone patients because of the nasty w/d's. Now bupe is out there so if I was on methadone that aspect would make me feel comforted.

good luck blackvinegar

peace,
seedless
 
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