TDS Heroin addiction has kicked my ass.. On subs..

[Ian937]

Hey there, Im 23 and have dealt with opiate/h addiction for 7-8 yrs.. Currently on subs with 2 days clean (rly 5 bc the .2 i used thursday wasblocked by sub) anyways... I just feel so low,so alone..
I work hard everyday and live a pretty isolated life, i walk to work..saving up for car, have been going back and forth from clean to using by the week for the last year..and man its taken its toll
I have some deep underlying issues w addiction i think need adressed bc everytime the fucking pink cloud evaporates Im back on the needle, living in the ghetto blocks from the bakery and bedbugs have currently resided in my room.. Thanks neighbors .i need the fuck out, i need some kimd of relief. I went on crack binge/coke a few nights back i think that is adding to this low feeling, wow. I used to have a beautiful gf who loved me a promising athletic career and opiates robbed me of that and more , nowadays im cool w close family but fuck they dont exactly think highly of me. Stuck in the hood without a car and fulltime job for last 16 mths. Ni was homeless when i got this job, ha, if i had stayed off drugs i would have alot.. Ugh this is bad. End of rant for now, any feedback greatly appreciated,, Im definitley on thr dark side..

 

[Youshady2]

All good man you sound like your from jersey, been through all that.. I've lost a lot to bad habits I'm only a couple years older then you, sold a car I've been building since 06, told my self I'd use the money to make more money ended up broke couch surfing and growing pot to survive, just save your money man , get a nice stick shift car, get a roommate if you can so your never alone I found being alone with to much time to dwell is what kills me.

 

[ad lib]

Hey there, Im 23 and have dealt with opiate/h addiction for 7-8 yrs.. Currently on subs with 2 days clean (rly 5 bc the .2 i used thursday wasblocked by sub) anyways... I just feel so low,so alone..
I work hard everyday and live a pretty isolated life, i walk to work..saving up for car, have been going back and forth from clean to using by the week for the last year..and man its taken its toll
I have some deep underlying issues w addiction i think need adressed bc everytime the fucking pink cloud evaporates Im back on the needle, living in the ghetto blocks from the bakery and bedbugs have currently resided in my room.. Thanks neighbors .i need the fuck out, i need some kimd of relief. I went on crack binge/coke a few nights back i think that is adding to this low feeling, wow. I used to have a beautiful gf who loved me a promising athletic career and opiates robbed me of that and more , nowadays im cool w close family but fuck they dont exactly think highly of me. Stuck in the hood without a car and fulltime job for last 16 mths. Ni was homeless when i got this job, ha, if i had stayed off drugs i would have alot.. Ugh this is bad. End of rant for now, any feedback greatly appreciated,, Im definitley on thr dark side..

Good on you for starting the long road of recovery.

The low and alone feeling that you are having is very normal after stopping opiates. Why do we start taking opiates? To fill a void, to make us feel good, to make us feel normal. Then, all of a sudden, when that drug is gone we feel low and alone because our crutch is not there anymore. Do you know what triggered you to start using? I can pinpoint the start of my usage simply to depression and loneliness. I started using due to my depression and loneliness. When I discovered the good feelings I was in love.

The issue with that is that as soon as you stop using, the core reason that we started using is still there -- and there may even be MORE problems that resulted from using. But you are doing the right thing by starting suboxone so you can stop using. You want to get your life back on track and you want to make positive changes for yourself. So you WILL. I know you will. What I suggest doing is talking to someone about why you started using in the first place- I think you would benefit greatly from therapy. You'll be able to sort out your feelings- why you started using, why you wanted to quit using, the feelings you are having as a result of this, etc etc. You're stronger than your addiction, Ian. I didn't think that I was, but I proved myself wrong. You can do the same!

 

[Slum Survivor]

your not the only one on the dark side today. im sitting here starting a painful W/D process. guilt is killing me... i feel so bad about abusing the help that my family and g/f have tried to give me.

on another note i bet you WILL start to feel much better in about a week. im sure that coke u say u did made it worse psycologically. once u get over that hump i bet things will lighten up a bit. i once stopped C/T from a heavy morphine IV addiction for about a month. if i was able to do that, i really believe almost anyone can do it.

either way, try not to feel alone. lots of people DO understand, and your in the right place to find those people.

are you still working? its hard to keep a job sometimes while straightening up. but its not impossible, i worked in horrible fast food while going thru a c/t quit. very hard, but i was glad i kept my job.

best of luck all around tho!

 

[Ian937]

Thanks you guys seriously...you all have valuable insight.. I started using also because of depression.. Funny cuz now its worst than ever. The few friends i do have they respect me because ive kept this job while quitting dope so many times and i do serious physical labor..that right there has been a huge motivation because that was awful. When you just wana lay in bed, but i had to go in for 8-12 hrs. Terrible. I hope i can ride this pink cloud out ...
I wish you the best guys and gluck slum survivor. If your plannimg on quitting im positive its worth it

 

[Ian937]

I have been taking like 4 mg sub sl a day, though i am running very low so i just IV'd 1mg .. I feel pretty good actually, i think its getting better. This forum is extremely valuable to me, the replies helped ALOT!
Also youshady2 i have family in jersey but im in ohio.. Its funny you say that thoughbc my cousin shes like 30 she has told me i should come out and possibly move in w her...im like wow a fresh start!!! Its intriguing and once i get a car and some $$ it may be a possibility

 

[ad lib]

^ A fresh start may do wonders for you. I had to move out of my house and in with another family member just to get away from my old life and issues. Now I think I'm ready to to back but it was great to get away and clear my mind to get clean.

 

[Ozekat]

I'm also debating (well, rather in the midst of an imminent dilemma) on where to move to get away from my enabling father. Its so hard. I'm scared of what will happen, but I know this will clear up and in the end I will be so much better off going ahead and facing this shit now. I'm glad I've decided to stop using now instead of putting it off and off and off.....I want to cut this shit out NOW!

I just worry about trading addictions, because I always see myself doing that a few days off opiates. God, they are hard to kick I hate them. Fucking evil drugs, man.

 

[taco bell]

I have been taking like 4 mg sub sl a day, though i am running very low so i just IV'd 1mg .. I feel pretty good actually, i think its getting better. This forum is extremely valuable to me, the replies helped ALOT!
Also youshady2 i have family in jersey but im in ohio.. Its funny you say that thoughbc my cousin shes like 30 she has told me i should come out and possibly move in w her...im like wow a fresh start!!! Its intriguing and once i get a car and some $$ it may be a possibility

jersey is one of the last places you'll want to go if you're trying to get away from dope

 

[HEI1234]

Oh my god, bro, your story......
Now I know why you said you know how I felt in my thread

You actually work with wd symptom? Dude you are a tough guy,
I can't give you any advise because I am as confuse as you are, maybe more..
Let's hope one day, we can both free from opiates