desert_devil
Greenlighter
Hi All.
Here I am on the verge of trying - once again - to kick my various habits. This time it has to be for real. I'll give a brief summary of my abuse. I'm not sure what i'm looking for here. I guess you could say that if even only one person read this and compared/related their story I would be happy. It's kind of long. Thanks in advance if you stuck with it.
I started doing oxycodone in 2003. I started, like many of you, on a very low dose and had no trouble going days without my next dose. I think throughout that year I peaked at about 100mg a week - big deal.
In 2004-2005 I had two major kidney stones that both required surgery. As a result my light oxy use was increased legally to about 40mg a day ... still a dose I thought would be manageable
From 2005-2007 my use varied, but was constant. I have never (to this day) used needles - that's not for me. I also never tried smoking...it either either in the nose or not at all. I felt the drugs helped me through college and I even manged to get good grades.
From the end of 2007 to the end of 2008 my use skyrocketed. Prices seemed to be going down, and it was very easy to use 100mg-200mg a day without spending too much money. I had some bad breakups in those years, and felt that without the drug my motivation to do anything was sorely lacking (as, again, everyone has experienced).
2009 was a dark year for me. I was doing it everywhere. At home, at work, at my girlfriend's house (hidden, of course). It was really starting to take control of my life. The funny thing is...although you feel like you're being more productive and your relationships are flourishing the reality is quiet the opposite. That year I quit twice, both times successfully. The first time I spent about two weeks clean after going through what I would consider the worst WD i've faced yet. Missed a week of work on the couch, being dopesick. My roommate tried to kick it at the same time with me - which in hindsight is a bad idea. After two weeks we quickly rewarded ourselves by scoring more 80s and getting right back into it. If it had not been for a job opportunity 3,000 miles away from my current location (a wilderness guide - lots of hiking) I probably would have been in way over my head. Working and living in the woods helped me tremendously. I'm not even sure if I felt any PAWS at all after the initial "emptying" (the term I like to use for the literal symptoms of WD).
Sadly, I tore my ACL/MCL after three months of sobriety (I wasn't even drinking!) Needless to say my fears of getting hooked again were pushed away by the immense pain I was experiencing. I was back up to at least 80mg a day (a bad day).
Here we are a year later. I began my taper a little over two weeks ago. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your point of view) the switch to the new OP formula has pushed prices for 30mg codones and the few remaining OCs to crazy levels. This pushed me to do it - there's no shame in saying that.
12 days ago I, on the suggestion of a friend, got on Kratom extract and have mercifully retired my nose. At my dose of kratom I felt NO WITHDRAWAL at all. I was actually feeling pretty good. But kratom is a mu receptor agonist as well, so there's no hiding from the fact that I'll feel this too.
Today I'm done with it all. It's been 12 hours since my last, very small kratom dose. I'm starting to feel the monster....here we go again.
To quote one of my favorite lines from Trainspotting ...
"I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way. "
Here I am on the verge of trying - once again - to kick my various habits. This time it has to be for real. I'll give a brief summary of my abuse. I'm not sure what i'm looking for here. I guess you could say that if even only one person read this and compared/related their story I would be happy. It's kind of long. Thanks in advance if you stuck with it.
I started doing oxycodone in 2003. I started, like many of you, on a very low dose and had no trouble going days without my next dose. I think throughout that year I peaked at about 100mg a week - big deal.
In 2004-2005 I had two major kidney stones that both required surgery. As a result my light oxy use was increased legally to about 40mg a day ... still a dose I thought would be manageable
From 2005-2007 my use varied, but was constant. I have never (to this day) used needles - that's not for me. I also never tried smoking...it either either in the nose or not at all. I felt the drugs helped me through college and I even manged to get good grades.
From the end of 2007 to the end of 2008 my use skyrocketed. Prices seemed to be going down, and it was very easy to use 100mg-200mg a day without spending too much money. I had some bad breakups in those years, and felt that without the drug my motivation to do anything was sorely lacking (as, again, everyone has experienced).
2009 was a dark year for me. I was doing it everywhere. At home, at work, at my girlfriend's house (hidden, of course). It was really starting to take control of my life. The funny thing is...although you feel like you're being more productive and your relationships are flourishing the reality is quiet the opposite. That year I quit twice, both times successfully. The first time I spent about two weeks clean after going through what I would consider the worst WD i've faced yet. Missed a week of work on the couch, being dopesick. My roommate tried to kick it at the same time with me - which in hindsight is a bad idea. After two weeks we quickly rewarded ourselves by scoring more 80s and getting right back into it. If it had not been for a job opportunity 3,000 miles away from my current location (a wilderness guide - lots of hiking) I probably would have been in way over my head. Working and living in the woods helped me tremendously. I'm not even sure if I felt any PAWS at all after the initial "emptying" (the term I like to use for the literal symptoms of WD).
Sadly, I tore my ACL/MCL after three months of sobriety (I wasn't even drinking!) Needless to say my fears of getting hooked again were pushed away by the immense pain I was experiencing. I was back up to at least 80mg a day (a bad day).
Here we are a year later. I began my taper a little over two weeks ago. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your point of view) the switch to the new OP formula has pushed prices for 30mg codones and the few remaining OCs to crazy levels. This pushed me to do it - there's no shame in saying that.
12 days ago I, on the suggestion of a friend, got on Kratom extract and have mercifully retired my nose. At my dose of kratom I felt NO WITHDRAWAL at all. I was actually feeling pretty good. But kratom is a mu receptor agonist as well, so there's no hiding from the fact that I'll feel this too.
Today I'm done with it all. It's been 12 hours since my last, very small kratom dose. I'm starting to feel the monster....here we go again.
To quote one of my favorite lines from Trainspotting ...
"I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way. "
