hemorrhoids + back door entry = no go

[Gnedelka]

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now. She's of a very wealthy and conservative background. I'm the third person she's slept with, and I'm the first to bring her to climax. Needless to say, I've had to come up with some interesting ways to accomplish that e.g wax, handcuffs, blindfolds, biting, scratching, etc. That effort, of course, is equally reciprocated. We're in our college years, 19 + 20 (365 days apart actually), and I've had the pleasure of introducing her to psychedelics and adderall. She's becoming more and more willing to experiment and have fun. YOLO. So, there are two things I've been thinking about: going in the back door, and having a threesome. It's not that I don't love how she feels, but its just something I've never done. That's always been my mentality with drugs at least, is that I trust myself enough to have limits, and therefore if I know my head is on straight I might as well try everything once. I've never been addicted to anything either, so that's nice. I digress. She has anal hemorrhoids, and jealousy issues / strong insecurities. Are these two things going to prevent me from doing either activity? BLAH.... .... . . . I'll just get a fleshlight, or two, if necessary.

 

[i against i]

seems like the threesome is definately a bad idea, don't know about the other.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/hemorrhoids-and-anal-sex-okay

and fleshlight ftw, but don't get the sex in a can, i did cuz it was much cheaper, but too small and i'm only average.

 

[addictivepersona]

She has anal hemorrhoids, and jealousy issues / strong insecurities. Are these two things going to prevent me from doing either activity?

I would not want even a finger up my rear if I had hemorrhoids. Wait until they are healed before starting play back there.

As far as the jealousy/insecurity issues, that is something you and your girlfriend will have to discuss prior to doing a threesome. I don't feel any strangers on the Internet can really say for sure one way or the other.

 

[Lysis]

Three things men always ask:

1. Can we video tape it?
2. Anal?
3. Threesome?

lol I swear it's like clockwork.

But, she doesn't sound like a candidate. It can go either way with the threesome: she gives in because of her insecurities and resents you for it or she emphatically says "No" and lets it go or gets pissed that you suggested it.

Really, you know her the best, so you should know what her answer will be anyway. Whatever your gut feeling on it, I bet that is your answer.

 

[ugly]

Just my opinion... does not mean anything ok? This is just what I think, based only on my own experiences.

Three ways are bad for people in love. If you have a bodybuddy situation, friend with benefits type thing, three ways can be fun. But love is a powerful emotion that brings out insecurities and jealousies during and after a 3 way that will very likely make you regret your decision. You might not like seeing her get sexed up by a third. OH you were planning on having two girls, then? She won't like seeing you have sex with a third. You are both young, and you have a lot of time to get your threesome. You are thinking sex for sex sake, but your girlfriend is probably more emotional and can't separate sex from love. You're risking breaking her heart. Think about it.

Hemorrhoids will prohibit anal sex. In case you haven't had them, they are uncomfortable in a million ways. She may have to have surgery to have them removed. You will not be having anal sex in the foreseeable future because she has the hemorrhoids or because she has the surgery.

Have you had any kind of anal play with your own back door? I recommend experimenting with your own butt, seeing how you like the feeling, and try to put yourself in her place. If you find it uncomfortable putting anything into your own back door, imagine your girlfriend's feelings about it.

You say that she is becoming more willing to experiment. Experiment at her speed. What would she like to do sexually? What can you do to keep her willing to follow you and trust you? Are you aware that if she should become offended at any of your suggestions, you may find yourself alone.

If and when you find yourself alone, you can find someone with the same interests. Eventually you will have anal sex. It's in your future though, not your present. You'll be able to have a threesome eventually also, but it doesn't seem like this is the right time for you. I am assuming you are thinking about having two females to yourself. Those two females will have to agree to be with each other, and with you. You might have to look for a long time for those ladies.

Be mindful of your woman, if you plan on staying with her.

 

[ugly]

Three things men always ask:

1. Can we video tape it?
2. Anal?
3. Threesome?

lol I swear it's like clockwork.

Now that you put it that way, I see the pattern too! Lysis, you totally boiled that down to it's essence in a brilliant way that for some reason makes me laugh in total recognition of three bullet items I had not seen together before.
The video tape thing is total suicide. I cannot honestly imagine anyone not being able to see that he or she has given the person with the video dangerous power that can still be dangerous years later. I can understand a man wanting nude pics or video of his girlfriend and I don't think that is too unreasonable but taping sex with two or more people puts that tape into the universe as a free floating agent for pain and sorrow and regret. We have learned from other people's mistakes that a fun fling on film can turn into an absolute nightmare a decade later.

Anal sex apparently feels better because poopshoots are tighter than vajays. Do back door dudes just not care that poop might be in there? Almost no guy wants to have sex if the vajay is bloody. It seems like plenty of guys are willing to risk going in the back even though they might get greeted at the entrance by shit waiting to get out. I don't understand how men think about these kinds of things.

Threesomes are always a huge deal too, you nailed it, Lysis. That is certainly a heavy decision that I do not believe young adults are prepared to live with. I think almost everyone that's ever been sexual has wondered about having a threesome.
If the truth could be known, a majority larger than anyone suspects has probably been in a threesome.

IF the truth could be known, the majority of threesomes are not the earth shattering experiences everyone expected.

But just like you say, Lysis, those are three issues that never shut up.

 

[Lysis]

ugly, I don't understand why someone would put so much trust in someone else to video tape it either. It's all trust, love and we're the bad guys for suggesting otherwise until the relationship breaks up and the video winds up online. Of course you should trust your partner, but there is also a level of respect that you should expect from your partner as well as a level of self-preservation that you should gauge for yourself. If you would not like that tape online, then you should not allow someone to tape you.

I've been asked several times to tape it, and every time the answer is no. Where am I with these guys now? Broken up, of course, so if I had said yes, my body and respect would be left to some guy who isn't attached to me at all and has no commitment to me whatsoever. What stops him from posting it online for whatever the reason might be?

A lot of the younger ideals are sweet, but they are just idealistic and at the end of the day, you have to stick with the path that you think is right for you. If you don't care if the tape shows up online or if you have sex in a threesome, then by all means, do it. However, if it is not something you feel comfortable with, no amount of "you're just insecure" comments should make you waver on your decision or your own respect.

I notice it's really popular to throw out "insecure" for people who don't feel comfortable with certain acts. It's used as a form of peer pressure, and it's a shame. I find people who think of themselves as open-minded sexually are the most close-minded when it comes to respecting other people's sexual boundaries.

 

[muvolution]

Last time I had a threesome I got bored and went and sat on the front porch to smoke joints. They are rarely great, and range from awkward to awesome, but they are never better than sex with a committed and loving partner.

Also, I would say anal sex loses at least 50% of its appeal after the first time. Its all about the mystery. What does it really feel like? What is in there?
The answer, I hate to tell you, is mostly poop.

 

[ugly]

Well, Lysis, I had not noticed it before, but I see what you are getting at while calling the term "insecure" into question. I looked it up on Dictionary and on Thesaurus.

In the most basic way, the opposite of "insecure" is "ok",
so if I refer to you as "insecure"
.....I infer that I am "ok".

The accusation is so subtle it disappears without having been spotted. It is such a common, prevalent thing to hear, "She's insecure about her [fill in the blank]." The person making the statement is never a trained therapist though, trying to help. It's always a frustrated friend, trying to persuade.

Unless I am a trained professional helping a client with issues of insecurity, I should not mouth off about insecurity. The next time I find myself saying or thinking that someone is insecure, I'm going to see if the real problem is me and my frustration because I can't get the person to think like I do.

 

[Lysis]

Well, Lysis, I had not noticed it before, but I see what you are getting at while calling the term "insecure" into question. I looked it up on Dictionary and on Thesaurus.

In the most basic way, the opposite of "insecure" is "ok",
so if I refer to you as "insecure"
.....I infer that I am "ok".

The accusation is so subtle it disappears without having been spotted. It is such a common, prevalent thing to hear, "She's insecure about her [fill in the blank]." The person making the statement is never a trained therapist though, trying to help. It's always a frustrated friend, trying to persuade.

Unless I am a trained professional helping a client with issues of insecurity, I should not mouth off about insecurity. The next time I find myself saying or thinking that someone is insecure, I'm going to see if the real problem is me and my frustration because I can't get the person to think like I do.

Oh, I certainly hope I wasn't coming off as targeting my comment at you. I was speaking in general. I just see it thrown around, and sometimes the person might be insecure, but other times, I just think it's used as peer pressure.

Like you said, they are young, and perhaps she is insecure in her sexual prowess from being so young and inexperienced, but that doesn't mean she should be pressured into doing something she is not comfortable with.

Just my gut and feeling on this issue from being there at one time and having men who persuaded me to do things, I have a feeling she is trying things because of this guy and not because she wants to. I wouldn't take it to a level of "she's doing it so she doesn't lose him," but she's just doing it because she's young and feeling pressured. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but we girls who grew up in a fairly conservative environment can get persuaded into things just because we've never seen or done it. We put our trust in that guy, and looking back, I did some totally stupid things at the persuasion of a guy I should never have trusted. But, I was young, and it's just part of growing I suppose.

To me, it sounds like the OP is persuading her to do things for his own reasons and not to "help" her in any way. I think high school peer pressure is over-dramatized, but at the same time, I have noticed that drug users get frustrated with an SO who just isn't that into drugs and throw labels at them. I have tried drugs and admit to liking some of them, but I don't see the allure of being an addict or doing them chronically. I'm thankful I got to try them, but just not into that state of mind. I'm the perfect weekend user, because I just don't find them enjoyable all the time. But when I was a teenager, I had men (boys) pressure me into doing them all the time. Hell, I've had men pressure me into being chronic even now. lol Only now, I am not so easily persuaded and have actually got into arguments about just not wanting to be a chronic user. However, I don't bitch at someone for doing what they want to do, so I expect the same respect.

Anyway, I think this girl is being pressured and following suit due to her just being vulnerable. I think she will be thankful for the experiences when she is older, but the threesome and the pressure to do something she isn't comfortable with her body is taking it a little too far IMO. She can try drugs and be perfectly comfortable, but threesomes are at a little different level of pressure that is invasive. Trying drugs isn't invasive.

 

[ugly]

No, Lysis, I didn't think you were directing it at me whatsoever. I originally wrote my response in second person but then I really hate it when people do that so I changed it all to first person.

I felt the same way about the OP's discussion of the girlfriend. He seems a bit heavy handed and also a bit rushed.

It doesn't all have to happen today, or this year, or with this girl.

Gnedelka if you push for something you really want, you might just get it. Your girlfriend could conceivably agree to anything you ask her for and all your wishes might come true.

Let us know if you pull this off just like you want it, will you?

The way you write leaves me with the feeling that your girlfriend may do things to please you. If she does do things to please you, then good for you, lucky guy.

When are you going to do things for her? Do you know what excites her sexually? How familiar are you with all of her body and how much affection and appreciation do you show her?

My perspective on the male gender is different than it was when I was young. I guess there isn't anything I can say because your years are going to explain your life to you, one day at a time.

Just consider this... generally speaking... a woman appreciates a man who willingly pleases her. A woman appreciates a back rub with no sex attached. She likes it if you look over her body and smile and compliment her.

While you are waiting on your third party to show up or the hemorrhoids to clear up, spend the time finding out exactly how she likes to be touched. Take the time to learn everything about her "tender parts" and make sure she is getting deep satisfaction... are you sure it takes scratching and handcuffs? It is really awesome that you were able to bring her to climax and you seem to be fairly proud of it. How many ways can you make her cum? How many times? Can you hold her right below a climax long enough to make her beg you to let her cum?

How well do you perform oral on her? No amount of handcuffs in the world can do for me what a tongue can do for me, if the person working his tongue knows the difference between a clitoral climax and a vaginal climax and can give me both. Have you been working on the back door with your tongue?
If you don't like the idea of that, you should know that for many people, anal climaxes are possible with the proper stimulation. Not penetration, stimulation.

You are progressing through the stages of sex, from the gentle early lovemaking to the more mature stages of sex for the sake of the orgasm. Older people can get very bored with sex after the millionth time and THOSE are generally the people who head for the S&M toys because it restores the interest and the passion that fades with time. You are burning through the whole sexual catalog of possibilities during a time when you should still be flush with the sex itself, with her nude body itself. You have had to work extra hard for this relationship. Why are you doing this?

Your girlfriend seems open to your suggestions, which is nice, but what does she suggest? Slow down. Take time. Don't just talk to her, ask her to talk to you, and listen carefully to what she says. You made her cum for the first time, so be the one who not only makes her cum, but loves it when she does and encourages her to keep cumming until she is spent.

Satisfy your girlfriend as much as possible as often as possible in every way possible for as long as possible. She may ask YOU about having anal if you are such a good lover that she trusts you to make her feel amazing.

 

[Lysis]

That's a really awesome post, ugly.

 

[rangrz]

Three things men always ask:

1. Can we video tape it?
2. Anal?
3. Threesome?

lol I swear it's like clockwork.

But, she doesn't sound like a candidate. It can go either way with the threesome: she gives in because of her insecurities and resents you for it or she emphatically says "No" and lets it go or gets pissed that you suggested it.

Really, you know her the best, so you should know what her answer will be anyway. Whatever your gut feeling on it, I bet that is your answer.

And when I post [Blacks|Jews|Women|Japs|] always {HERPDERP} I get it baleeted or baleeted and an infraction!

You are sterotyping a minority (48% of the population is still a minority)

 

[ugly]

That's a really awesome post, ugly.

Thank you. I hope at least one guy on here takes an interest in his woman's capacity for joyous sex.

 

[shahab6]

Anal sex is already painful without hemorrhoid, Im guessing it would be 10 times with hemorrhoids. So that of the question. 3 some, she will be jealous and it can ruin your relationswith her.

 

[augustaB]

Young and hemorrhoids already hunh?
Anal dilation used to be one of the main treatments for hemorrhoids.
Personally I really enjoy receiving anal sex but hemorrhoids can make it painful, it depends a lot on exactly where they are located.
I think you should wait until the hemorrhoids have got better until you even mention this desire to her.

 

[uTranceMe]

No, Lysis, I didn't think you were directing it at me whatsoever. I originally wrote my response in second person but then I really hate it when people do that so I changed it all to first person.

I felt the same way about the OP's discussion of the girlfriend. He seems a bit heavy handed and also a bit rushed.

It doesn't all have to happen today, or this year, or with this girl.

Gnedelka if you push for something you really want, you might just get it. Your girlfriend could conceivably agree to anything you ask her for and all your wishes might come true.

Let us know if you pull this off just like you want it, will you?

The way you write leaves me with the feeling that your girlfriend may do things to please you. If she does do things to please you, then good for you, lucky guy.

When are you going to do things for her? Do you know what excites her sexually? How familiar are you with all of her body and how much affection and appreciation do you show her?

My perspective on the male gender is different than it was when I was young. I guess there isn't anything I can say because your years are going to explain your life to you, one day at a time.

Just consider this... generally speaking... a woman appreciates a man who willingly pleases her. A woman appreciates a back rub with no sex attached. She likes it if you look over her body and smile and compliment her.

While you are waiting on your third party to show up or the hemorrhoids to clear up, spend the time finding out exactly how she likes to be touched. Take the time to learn everything about her "tender parts" and make sure she is getting deep satisfaction... are you sure it takes scratching and handcuffs? It is really awesome that you were able to bring her to climax and you seem to be fairly proud of it. How many ways can you make her cum? How many times? Can you hold her right below a climax long enough to make her beg you to let her cum?

How well do you perform oral on her? No amount of handcuffs in the world can do for me what a tongue can do for me, if the person working his tongue knows the difference between a clitoral climax and a vaginal climax and can give me both. Have you been working on the back door with your tongue?
If you don't like the idea of that, you should know that for many people, anal climaxes are possible with the proper stimulation. Not penetration, stimulation.

You are progressing through the stages of sex, from the gentle early lovemaking to the more mature stages of sex for the sake of the orgasm. Older people can get very bored with sex after the millionth time and THOSE are generally the people who head for the S&M toys because it restores the interest and the passion that fades with time. You are burning through the whole sexual catalog of possibilities during a time when you should still be flush with the sex itself, with her nude body itself. You have had to work extra hard for this relationship. Why are you doing this?

Your girlfriend seems open to your suggestions, which is nice, but what does she suggest? Slow down. Take time. Don't just talk to her, ask her to talk to you, and listen carefully to what she says. You made her cum for the first time, so be the one who not only makes her cum, but loves it when she does and encourages her to keep cumming until she is spent.

Satisfy your girlfriend as much as possible as often as possible in every way possible for as long as possible. She may ask YOU about having anal if you are such a good lover that she trusts you to make her feel amazing.

Great post. Really made me think about a few things.

I really think some of the porn that is out on the internet now has a lot to do with the shaping of some peoples sexual desires. There is some seriously wack shit out there. This morning I was fapping to a porn and near the end the girl is giving this dude a blow job to finish off and they both seem to be enjoying it and then when the dudes about to cum he says "Ïm gonna blow IN your eye" and proceeds to hold her eye open and then... I turned it off. Its not something I wanna see and I dint really understand why people wanna do shit like that. Anyway bit off topic, sorry.

 

[muvolution]

I could write a dissertation on how extreme porn is ruining the world, but I won't. It is a bad situation, though.

 

[rangrz]

3 some, she will be jealous and it can ruin your relationswith her.

That is a sweeping statement to make, esp given the decided lack of any major details about this person. You can say its a possible outcome, you may be able to give a probability to some finite precision, but to claim it as a certainty really exceeds what one can properly conclude from the information presented. Sloppy logic is sloppy.

 

[QuasiModo]

Three ways are bad for people in love.

QFT!! One of my very best friends had a threeway with his girlfriend of 2 years and another good friend of his. He says he regrets it more than anything else he's ever done. She watched her sucking his friends dick while banging her.. Said it was scarring, emotionally. They broke up shortly after, and the other friend regrets it as well because they don't really talk anymore. Mostly because they live far apart now but he said it was just the most awkward thing ever. I'd never want to do anything like that ever with a girl I loved..