Hi, Lost. I'm sorry to hear how isolated you're feeling. But I'm so glad you posted!
Without knowing your full medical situation it's not possible to say for sure, but based on what you've described it sounds like you'd be a great candidate for suboxone. Have you looked into the availability of doctors/programs in your area who can prescribe it?
Your story is eerily similar to my own. I also started using when I was working as a teacher and taking care of my very ill mother. My mom also died recently (in January). It's a terrible set of circumstances.
In terms of tips, I'd advise you to think of your recovery very broadly. That is, quitting the pills is a big part of the process. But (as you noted), long-term opioid addiction is a deep problem that affects (and the stems from) many aspects of our lives. Moving on usually requires some pretty fundamental changes in how we think about and handle adversity in our lives and how we value and treat ourselves. For this reason, I encourage you to consider supplementing suboxone (if you go that route) with additional support. I was helped greatly by going into an intensive outpatient addiction recovery program offered by a local hospital. It wasn't the greatest program in the world, but it did help me to get a sense of what directions I needed to go in.
I also understand your hesitation about having addiction added to your medical record. There are a couple relevant points on this subject. (I'm assuming you live in the US...let me know if not)
First, if you were to get a suboxone prescription, that information is protected under HIPAA. Unless you get your subs from a doctor in the same clinic that you use for other medical issues, the fact that you're on subs won't be generally visible to your doctors.
But there is anexception to this which I didn't know about initially. Most US states maintain pharmacy record databases. This means that in theory, a doctor would be able to see that you had filled suboxone prescriptions. However, the doctors would have to look specifically for that.
When I found out about my state's pharmacy database I was really pissed at my suboxone provider because he had told me that the information was secret. Honestly, though, in the end I decided it wasn't a big deal for me...I've never had any doctor bring up my suboxone prescriptions.
These are just preliminary responses... I hope you'll use this forum to write more about how you're feeling, what you're struggling with, etc.