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Benzos Help! Ridiculously high Xanax tolerance (30mg-40mg)

M

mankind

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 20, 2013
Messages
147
I just took 30 2mg bars an hour ago. I know some of you may be thinking this may be due to some online pharmacy and weak potency but I physically drive the person to get their script filled and buy them from her. If that is against the rules please edit that part out and my apology.

I am still on probation at work for nodding out at my desk (when I still got something out of xanax). MY family is very supicious of my behavior but I say it is from coming down off of suboxone (former heroin addict). I didn't even think of it but I will be with drawing from two drugs at the same time. What a nightmare.

I haven't been at my company long enough to ask for 30 days off for a detox, and if I told my managers I would surely lose my job. This is Wall St. and none of this is tolerated even though it's technically illegal for them to fire me over this. I currently have 100 1mg pills and my plan is to keep 10 on me at all times and if I start feeling that really dizzy, hot/cold, disorientated feeling, I will take those. I guess I will take those and reduce it week by week.

I have an appointment with my suboxone Dr. at the end of August who once wrote me a klonopin script for 5 1mg tabs when I first got into this mess back in Jan-Feb. I doubt he would even believe the amounts I am taking and would just think I am fishing for a high dose script of some klonopin or valium. I've been through hellish opiate withdrawals where I literally had a loaded 9mm to my head but just couldn't bring myself to do it.

If it was for the F'in xanax my life would literally be so ideal and beyond my wildest expectations. the past 8 months on this poison has destroyed me. I was a competitive body builder, now a fat mess, a super hard worker, now on probation. It would be a disaster to be fired because my father is a very prominent figure in the industry I work for. Before I started this poison (without giving out too much info), withing a 3 month period, I passed a test where the fail rate is over 80%, stayed in incredible shape body wise, and was over all happy. Now my whole fuckin' (sorry I am just so worked up right now), revolves around these pills. Oh yeah, and did I mention my gambling benders while stoned on xanax? I blew through 100k easily. Now all my money goes to these god damn pills.

Sorry for venting but I don't know what to do. I suppose I will jut stick to my plan of only taking them when needed. There's been a ton of good advice already in this thread but to be honest my number one priority right now is my job. This poison has killed all my dreams for now and money wise luckily I have invested in the market and precious metals. Luckily it hasn't come to the point of pawning my gold and silver because if it does there's still a loaded chamber in that 9.

Sorry to be so dramatic but after beating 10 year heroin addiction I just didn't take this serious and it snuck up on me and has handcuffed to this poison.

As a side note, I smoke electronic cigarettes all day long. I read that there is an interaction between benzos and cigarettes, but I think that has to do with actual cigarettes. I thought maybe that's why my tolerance is so sky high, but then again, there must be countless benzo users who smoke.

I don't see much good going to a hospital would do. Wouldn't they just give you more benzos and send you on your way? Then there's the whole seizure thing which I am very afraid of but I think 10mg would be enough to counteract that. The trouble stats when I start getting down to 10 and less. Then I am afraid.

I just feel so lost right now because my tolerance is absurd. I read about people having a hard time coming off .25 xanax! I mean wow! What have a done! :o >:(

Can anyone tell me when the acute stages of xanax withdrawal will be over? I was doing xanax and klonopin and stopped at around 8mg and that lasted 2 weeks before I couldn't take it any more and started up again. This is going to be much, much, worse.

So there it is. An hour ago I take 60mg of xanax and am still able to write a coherent message :'(


Any other input is appreciated. Thank you and thank you for having this lovely community
 
Wow man. I thought my 10mg a day was bad. You're in pretty deep. My number one thought was "dear god, don't cold turkey" -- but it seems like you know you'd be better off without this giant mutated monkey on your back. Maybe find a taper plan to stick to like glue, and try your hardest to remember your life goals.
 
If you can get by on 10mg without the effects being too bad why do you not reduce your dose to 10mg immediately? Maybe I misunderstood that part.

Also, and this is not meant to sound judgemental or xcondescending by any means, but if everything in life was so good why in the world did you end up taking so much xanax? I mean were you taking it for recreational purposes or was there some other reason?
 
Christ, man. It's time to bite the bullet and go to rehab. Even at my worst with benzos, the craziest I ever got was 8-10mgs a day, and that was bad enough. 60mgs is insane. At this point, you're only going through the motions with them and that is an impossible habit to keep up with, unless you are absolutely rolling in money.

"What have I done?", you've asked? You've done the right thing and admitted you have a serious problem and you've joined a site with good, caring people who want to see this through with you. But you need to seek out assistance via a rehab program. Call one up and check yourself in, asap. Keep us posted, regardless.
 
Yea... I hate to be this guy, but 60mg a day xanax habit is as serious as it gets and is def worth a trip to rehab. I say this because to get that far up there in dose you need to have a seriously addictive personality or major self-control problems. Not only are you addicted to xanax and opiates, but you are addicted to gambling.. I think you need to get some real help. If not rehab - because you made it abundantly clear that you can't leave work for 30 days - you gotta see a doctor and taper down under medical supervision (although a doc would be pretty reckless if he didn't make you go to rehab for a problem like that). I know where you're at with the whole job thing, and I get you don't want to anyone to know, but if you try and taper yourself from a habit like that it's going to be ugly one way or another. The problem with tapering yourself is that your addiction is at such a high level that any false move, any tapering mess up, and you might really hurt yourself.

I mean, if you gotta do what you gotta do, and you're dead set on withdrawing yourself I'd suggest you start buying valium instead and start tapering very slowly asap. Don't take the valium as needed, take a steady dose all day, every day. Take just enough to prevent withdrawals and steadily lower the dose once a week or so. You gotta be pretty gentle with the taper too. If you got the right dose, tapering benzos very slowly is usually not that bad. Going from 60 to 10 that quickly is probably not gonna feel very good. So if you do end up doing the as needed taper, you are probably going to do something stupid and get caught.
 
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so you are also taking suboxone?? if so what is the dose on that? try your best to tackle one of these awful things at a time

all i can really say is basically what the others have said. you really oughtta consider going to an in-patient rehab. this is your life you have in your hands here with this. it sounds to me like things could really turn around for you and get a LOT better if you do this right. thats why i suggest rehab. i bet your family would agree too if they were educated on the whole issue at hand. i thought my family would have me thrown in prison before they would ever help me. it turned out to be the right thing to do admitting my situation tho, and getting professional help for my addiction.

as for doing a taper on your own... you are gonna need to find some valium or even klonopin. from what i understand k-pin is more of an anti-convulsant and may possibly prevent seizure better. im not 100% on that but just throwing it out there. i have to say id be worried about you if you choose to only do this on your own.

i hope to see you post again, as we all have the best in mind for you!
 
Damn dude I was a former heroin addict and now am on gabapenten sp?, I`ve heard it helps with the benzo withdrawals and its non-narcotic, although it is a bit habit forming not matter what they tell you. It might help a little? But the main thing is go to rehab or get a controlled taper it sucks you take so much because if it was lower you could have someone else dispense them to you but they`d need to be around you 24/7 with that kind of tolerance I`d think. Best of luck to you.
 
I've taken 20 bars only to get pissed off at the lack of desired effect before so I know it can happen. I have to second what everyone else has said; get to an ER. You're never going to be able to taper that safely on your own.
 
Hey

Yeah sorry bro but i think a detox under controlled supervision is you're only hope. I came off 2mg Xanax and even that sucked pretty bad. If you lose your job then that will be shit but its your health - NOTHING should come before your health, including your job. Get yourself into a clinic that does Benzo withdrawal. In Australia there are quite a few and if you have health insurance there is little if any cost. They will probably transfer you onto the corrosponding dose of valium (which is easier to kick due to its long half life, its far more gentle than xanax) and then they will taper you off. I really think if you are on that much xanax you risk seizures and general unpleasantness if you try and go it alone. Good luck man! Fucken benzos.
 
I think it's great you wanna stop, but in all honesty, I don't think you or anyone else can taper off that high a dosage without medical supervision. I tapered off benzos 2 months ago (took em for about 4 years; average probably like ~60 mg of valium, or like maybe 4-5 mg of xanax) and honestly feel so so much better now. I've gained 20 pounds, feel better, etc. I feel it can only go up from here for you. good luck
 
*Year Later Update*

I decided I should update this post. Reading my original post scares the shit out of me how close to death I truly was...

So a few days after I made this original post, I decided I was going to (quite foolishly) do an extremely rapid taper. I was doing roughly 60mg at a time, and usually up to 100mg a day. I sincerely wish I was bullshitting but I'm not. I had 100 1mg footballs to taper with. I started with 20mg the first day. I felt like garbage, but I am use to severe opiate withdrawal, so I tried to push through as best I could. It was bad, but wasn't too bad. The second day I took 10mg and felt worse than the prior day. Third day the same dose and syptoms. The fourth day is when the fun began. I took 10mg in the morning and went to work. I remember having the most disjointed thoughts to where it was impossible to perform at work. The best way I can describe it is if someone poured alkaseltzer all over my brain. It felt like my head was permanantly tuned into the "white noise/fuzzz" TV channel. I left work at around 12:00PM and had to take about an hour and a half of public transportation home. I was visably sweating through my shirt and to say I was uncomfortable would be the understatement of the year. I got home and just layed in bed. My anxiety was pulsing through my body to the point I felt I could charge my kitchen appliances if I was to touch them. I took 10mg more and it ever so slightly abated the symptoms. I was trying my best to relax and not freak out. I watched some TV and used the internet. At around midnight, Saving Private Ryan was on HBO. I watched the Normandy invasion scene and here is when the real psychological effects started taking over. I remember feeling as if I was right along with the soldiers on the beach, feeling such intense fear. It felt entirely real to me. If I remember correctly, I was out of my bed, pantomiming the motions of the soldiers. At this point I blackout.

The next thing I remember is waking up in an ambulance, having the EMT explain to me that I had a grand mal seizure. In addition to a huge cut I got on my head from when I fell, I also completely destroyed my tongue. When you have a seizure, you start biting your tongue aggressively as a defense mechanism so you don't swallow it. When I say "I bit my tongue," I mean I literally chewed my tongue as if it were a piece of steak I was eating. It was one of the most painful things I remember, because your tongue is obviously constantly rubbing up against your mouth and teeth. It took weeks to heal.

At the hospital, they ran all types of tests, EEGs, EKGs, CAT scans (Dog scans....Sopranos reference haha). During this time I was withdrawing from Suboxone as well. Being too scared (and stupid) to admit what it was from, the Dr.s attributed it to dehydration and lack of sleep from the suboxone withdrawal. I don't think I need to point out the obvious that I felt like absolute SHIT while in the hospital. I left after about 12 hours of being there. The following day while at home, I had another grand mal seizure. I then went on Kepra, which apparantly stopped the seizures.

There is TONS more to this story but unfortunately I have to run now. I wanted to post about some of the most vivid and realistic hallucinations I suffered for DAYS afterwards, along with the other horrible symptoms of withdrawing from both of these substances.

I will update either later tonight or tomorrow.

Wishing you all a good day.
 
I'm glad to see you are still with us........it could have ended bad. As for your experience with having a benzo addiction like none I have seen, I believe after some people read it, it will keep them from even thinking about messing around recreationally.

Looking forward to your follow up & good luck with life going forward.
 
TheLostBoys said:
As for your experience with having a benzo addiction like none I have seen, I believe after some people read it, it will keep them from even thinking about messing around recreationally.

Looking forward to your follow up & good luck with life going forward.
Click to expand...

Herein lies the beauty of Bluelight... I'm sorry you had to go through two terrible, life threatening seizures while withdrawing from benzos, but you have potentially saved thousands of readers from getting mixed up in the horrors of benzo addiction following misuse or recreational use.

Thanks for sharing your story, op, and please keep us updated. Best wishes :)
 
... I'm sorry, but this is hard to believe. Your claiming to have taken the equivelant of of over a gram of diazepam a day. And "usually" you took 100mg of Xanax? That's 2 grams of Valium. I don't even know where you would get so many Xanax from!

Oh wait, you must have got them from Wall Street... Well I will say you we're certainly high when you made the original post.
 
Lorne, I'm pretty sure he was saying he WORKS on Wall St. and has enough disposable income to order ludicrous amounts illegally through online pharmacies.

I've always thought that it's those with very high incomes that fall so hard with drug addiction, especially those with very high incomes AND subsequently high rates of disposable income...

Again, OP, we wish you the best of luck in tackling this nasty beast… Please keep us updated! :)
 
I got that, although it slipped my mind he could be using online pharmacies. If it is true, that's insane. It's not like an opioid where you could ever get to needing such an absurd amount.
 
60mg of xanax an hour ago? And you are typing this up? Bullshit! You better go to the hospital if you are being serious
 
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