Mental Health help opiod struggle

[marypoppyns]

I want to quit so bad, I don't want to be trapped in this dark world of isolation.
Someone offered me a percocet, so I looked it up and did a lot of research
and decided that it would be something I would be willing to try.
This was December , 2011. I used to do oxys and percs only.
I was not too hooked just having fun. I could go with or with out but this September 2012
I tried Dilaudid... It feels so good and strong I've progressed further and further into my addiction
I've even been so desperate I've contemplated trying heroin but I have come to the conclusion
if I try heroin, I will be forever giving my beauty, youth and life away I really can't do that.
I want to get clean and be the best I can be.
I usually only end up clean for 4 days off dilaudid most of my dope sickness is gone by then
but I'm emotionally crazy and I can't stop crying or being a needy pyscho.
When does this go away? I'm going to go through with quitting this time because
Tuesday night I kept stopping breATHING and stayed up all night just praying I wouldn't die
and would never touch Dilaudid again

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

Hi mary,

Welcome to Bluelight.

Unfortunately when coming off any drug the only thing you can do is wait it out. Benzos might be useful if you can use them as directed. The more time you give it the better things will be.

There are many people here who have been where you are right now and can give you better insight into it than I.

I wish you luck in the future

 

[blueheaven]

There's a March "getting/staying clean/recovery" thread that some of us are posting on. It isn't a panacea -- no one thing is by itself -- but if you're anything like many of us, it helps to have somebody to "talk to" and bounce things off of, somebody that knows what you're talking about and going through.

One thing I'd like to say is that the post-acute-withdrawal syndrome -- the blahs, anxiety, depression, emotional rollercoaster, numbness, however it manifests for you -- won't take forever to recover from. It takes time to get settled into non-opiated life, but it doesn't take forever. I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through - I'm just saying it because post-acute-withdrawal can truly suck and can be what drives people back to using after they've been clean for a while, that inability to regulate emotions, feeling like you're going crazy etc. So be patient w/ yourself, is part of my point. What you're going through is part of recovery.

It's also not impossible that opiate use covers up or masks other problems - I'm not diagnosing you, but it's not uncommon, just something to keep in mind. I know for me, non-opiated, I still have a lifelong struggle with depression to deal with, and I made it worse by artificially altering my brain chemistry for so long. Now I face the challenge of finding other ways to deal with all that stuff, and that won't happen overnight. But either way, you are taking the right steps to get healthier and get your life back. It will take a while but things will gradually get a little better and a little better, bit by bit. Be patient with yourself and hang in there.

 

[Sepher]

Hey Marypoppyns, welcome to Bluelight.

The emotional turbulence you've experienced to now can take a little while to settle. Your brain chemistry is still completely out of whack even though the physical withdrawal symptoms have mostly passed away, and you've got used to medicating your emotions away, they flatline to a large extent when you're using. It's no surprise really that as they kick back in when you quit they will feel unusually intense and be difficult to deal with, you've been unused to emotions at that sort of intensity for a good while typically. And let's face it, withdrawal sucks, no two ways about it. Low mood coming out of that is to be expected.

Good news is the turbulence does tend to settle down as your brain adjusts and you move into recovery mode, and you will get more used to the intensity of them, and better at dealing with them as time goes on. I don't like suggesting medication if it can be avoided but you may need some help for a little while to get through the first couple of weeks. Don't self-medicate though, this is how you got here in the first place. See your doc, see what they suggest. Otherwise just try and ride it out. Things can, and often do improve real, real fast if you can just hold on a little while. A lot of people find decent diet, exercise, meditation / mindfulness exercises a big help here.

Lots of us here have been exactly where you are right now, myself included, and have come out the other side. It's doable, this passes, and we will offer as much support here as we can for as long as you need it. Good luck.

 

[marypoppyns]

Thanks everyone
I'm going cold turkey, physical withdraws are nothing to me
I went through them last week so they are pretty much just restless legs, cold sweats and stomach distress
nothing major. it's the mental ones.
I'm here home alone for the next 2 days, I keep bursting into tears and feeling so helpless
I don't want to take anything I guess just let my brain heal it's so hard though.
I'm doing the right thing I think.
Anyone have any idea when this will subside

 

[OpiDoll]

Hi! well i can tell you with honesty that it takes a very long time to get your brain and emotions in check. IME i always tried to keep busy..but sometimes the cravings were sooooo strong. It takes time. and the first thing you need to work on is not beating urself up. It takes a strong person to go thru opiate withdrawal. they are HELL. but if you really want to stay clean i have a feeling you can. surround urself with positive people and keep in mind u didnt become an addict overnight and u wont feel 100% overnight... good luck and stay strong.. it should ease up if u can keep busy. but an exact time frame is very dependent on support and all kinds of things..

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey marry.. your doing great.. real struggle isnt to get clean but stay that way.. gets better everyday and it gets real good quick.. came off a ridiculously long and hard habit in august.. no shit i feel better today and yesterday and i bet tomorrow.. than i have ever.. was tuff at first.. strong people have posted before me.. I and all of them will help you out with advice and support.. with out knowing the extent of time of use ect.. but it seems to me that your doing the initial kick pretty good.. IMO you will be doing pretty good in weeks and completely good to go in a mater of a month or two.. took about 4.5 months for me to get 1000% better but it only took 3 weeks to get 500% better.. hope this goes as fast as possible for you stay strong.. you are amazing no matter what the addiction starts whispering in your mind.