Right and so if you have this thread does that mean you wanna know more as to how this process may play on your mental health? Or what exactly?
I appreciate this question as it helps to give me focus...for many reasons I am feeling overwhelmed with rage, which at first glance is not very promising for my mental health. but its better than feeling thwarted love for my extremely violent ex, which has been a problem too. at least my anger suggests that my self-preservation instinct hasn't atrophied entirely.
And thanks to good advice from your self and others, I'm trying to run this anger, rather than letting it run me, which always ends badly. I've started counselling with a local women's health service: they specialise in DV survivors so they believe me, they're not easily shocked, and they don't try to talk me out of feeling angry or pathologise me. My counsellor isn't interested in my BPD or mood disorder - she believes that my relationship was poisoned by him, not me, and that his violence reflects his total lack of respect for women, not just me in particular. This is not usually what people say about DV these days...the standard view is that women "enable" abuse, and in particular that women who "hit him back" are also abusers, and that abusive men and women seek each other out because of mutual addiction to rage and melodrama.
It was SO empowering for me to hear my counsellor dismiss this model out of hand!
I may have mental health issues but I loathed being bullied and bashed. We didn't have "fights": a fight implies an exchange between two people. What I experienced was degradation, manipulation, and physical torture, which I couldnt oppose because I was half his size.
Well, as you can see, I am indeed angry! But at least I am sober! Sorry for rambling ...I meant to explain "Cluster B Clusterfuck"!
Never mind ...I'll put it in the blog forum - it's a more appropriate spot for it🖋