Help me stop a friend killiing himself with Drugs

[captaincaveman]

My sparse threads aren't usually as dramatic as this but I've got no where else to turn. A good friend of mine who is a quite a bit older and led a naughty life has recently begun to unravel badly. He's used smack for years but now his habit is becoming (to me) unbelieveable. He typically picks up 14 ten bags for the day on top of his meth and also oramorph he acquired. He's going through some nasty shit, his baby is seriously ill in hospital and his partner recently died of cancer. Despite being a great dad he might have to go through social services to get his son and if they find out about his habit there's no way he'll get custody. I've told him to get to rehab asap but he's at the hospital everyday morning until night so he can't do that.
Any suggestions? This guy is one tough bastard but seems to listen to me but I don't know what else to tell him. There's no way he can sustain this habit (he has recently started buying eighths and doing one a day on top of the other shit). Any pointers would be appreciated

 

[herbavore]

It's hard to watch someone destroy themselves but that sounds like what your friend is doing. It sounds like you have done everything you can do. You have continued to be his friend and you have talked to him frankly about what he is doing. Now it is time for you to get some support. Your friend will not stop doing what he is doing because you finally "get through" to him. He not only knows what he is doing, he knows what is at stake. The hospital staff are caring for a very sick baby that has just lost his mother. They are going to do whatever they can to ensure the baby goes home to the best care possible. Right now that is not with his father. Are there other relatives involved?

I know how painful this must be for you to watch. You obviously care about your friend and his little son very much. The best thing that you can do is to continue to encourage your friend to get help.

 

[maxalfie]

What a sad tale.I guess your friend is self medicating himself against the pain he must be feeling.
14 bags a day is a lot to be taking and if he is committing crime to pay for it then he obviously runs the risk of going to jail.
He must be made to realise that it's up to him to clean up and fight for the baby but it certainly won't be easy as his feelings will be so blunted by the drugs.
He is so lucky to have a friend like you looking out for his welfare.
It would be a crying shame to see another baby having to be cared for by Social Services but while yr friend is in his current state then he certainly can't look after a baby.
I will pray for your friend and the baby.

 

[carr90]

As others have said he will have to make the decision to get clean on his own. You won't be able to make that decision for him and frankly you shouldn't try too. If you are a true friend you will stand by this person no matter what. Encouragement to get clean is fine, But you must understand trying to make decisions for this person will only lead too pain.

 

[Missykins]

As others have said he will have to make the decision to get clean on his own. You won't be able to make that decision for him and frankly you shouldn't try too. If you are a true friend you will stand by this person no matter what. Encouragement to get clean is fine, But you must understand trying to make decisions for this person will only lead too pain.

I do and I don't agree with this. I agree that most people have to be internally motivated to get clean. I do not agree that you are not a "true friend"
if you do not stand by an addicted individual "no matter what," ESPECIALLY (emphasis mine) when children are involved. Some people need
consequences in order to quit, such as losing their children to Social Services and so forth in order to reorganize their priorities.

What sort of frank conversation have you had with him?

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

That is a full on habit, you have to find a way of getting him to go to NA, it's saving me.

I suddenly feel a lot better about my habit. If you are that concerned give me your number and we'll talk. I have a bag full of NA literature sitting right next to me. I'm also in London.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

You are also free to give him my number, if you want it PM me. I will accompany him to a meeting if he wants, I pretty much sat and cried through my first one. You're probably going to have to get tough with him.

 

[captaincaveman]

This guy and NA

Thanks for the reply folks and I agree that NA would be at least a good first step. I can't imagine him doing it as he would view it as a 'weakness' (and using that much smack isn't!). Just to update, he popped over my house the over day (I live near the hospital and had his kid with him). He told the child to talk to his uncle while he did his 'medicine'. This was horrifying, the kid is down syndome with severe breathing difficulties (him doind drugs not the kids health problems!). All I could think to do was to mention to the doctors at the hospital that it wasn't a good idea that he goes out with the kid as its too upsetting bringing him back. A bit of a cop-out but its all I could think what to do at the time. In terms of conversations, I've told him that there's no way in hell a court will give him custody if they get a whiff of drugs. He's sure he's the slyest man alive (he keeps his meth and oramorph at the hospital! and will never get caught.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Suggest NA please! Explain to him that admitting weakness is the first step on the road to recovery. Give me your address, I wil send you some pamphlets to give to him.

It is saving my life one day at a time. He is in a far worse place than me, but then there are people who were people in a far worse place than him and are now clean and moving on. Ask him what's the worst that could happen, all that he has to do is come to a meeting and sit there. I will accompany him. Tell him if he comes with me I will speak openly about something that is difficult for me and show weakness so he can see how people respond. All he has to do is sit there.

Only today I was speaking to a young girl around my age (24) who was on 150mg methadone a day (A MASSIVE AMOUNT) as well as the equivalent of 250mg diazepam and is now clean and healthy. Explain to him that if the worst comes to the worst and the social do get a whiff of his usage, being able to say he is attending NA might save him from not seeing his kids for a long time.