HELP! hypochondriac self medicating but fears prescription medicines.

[bnc84]

Ok so im a 33 year single mother of one, I am obese, smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, live a somewhat sedentary lifestyle, work full time behind a desk, have lost 3 very significant people in my life between 2012-2015, and have been suffering from health anxiety a good 3 years now, ranging from general worry daily to full blown, i'm going to die panic attacks. I have been to many doctors, tried many different things, have been reassured by doctors that i am healthy, and yet the symptoms (90% physical) still pile on, and change, and make me worry.

Here is what i have going in my system on a daily basis, and what i am prescribed to add in. Am i a worrying for nothing? I really don't want the "you need to quit this or that answers", as i am genuinely concerned wether these will cause interactions while i am trying to quit self medicating, but not all the way there yet. My psychiatrist is aware of all of my using, but my research indicates several interactions could occur with many of these medications. So here is the typical daily schedule:

Recreational Drugs:
1.small doses of marijuana almost daily, sometimes every other day, only in the evenings when ready for bed
2.shamefully, but working on, about a qtr gram of meth spread through out three smoking sessions daily
3.a good dose (1-4 mgs taken at separate intervals) of benzos if i am able to find them now, as i was cut off in July after 2.5 years of everyday use.

On weekends add in a good night of binge drinking between a pint and or fifth of whiskey or vodka i don't know if it would really be considered a binge, because it usually last from 6-12 hours, and i don't black out, or puke, just get a good buzz on.

Daily Supplements:
1. Vit B Complex
2. Omega 3
3. Magnesium
4. Vit B-12 as methylcobalamin= as of 2 weeks ago my level was in low 700 range, in August it was 203 (holistic doctor mentioned this test as a lot of my physical symptoms can be caused by nueropathy from vit B12 deficiency, and in all 3 years family doctor never tested this)

Anyway as doctors do, they have tried to advise me to quit self medicating with all of the above, and i do go weeks without any at all, but on a normal week, whats listed is in my body.

(Doctors Plan= Quit all of the above, start all of the below. The grey area is the transition, can they be added together, or do all above need out before below can be put in)

Psychiatrist suggested medicines; these were prescribed 3 weeks ago, have not taken one pill. (I know I should listen to the doctor, I am aware my choices are not great and can induce and further my anxiety)

Prescriptions:
1. Prozac, 20mg, 1 time a day
2. Propranolol 20 mg, 2 times a day or as needed
3. Vistaril, 25mg 2 times a day
4. Gabapentin, 300 mg, 3 times a day
5. Zantac, 330mg, 2 times a day

This might sound like i am taking it lightly, but after 3 years of fighting, and explaining, it just gets tiring. I did the prescriptions for 2 years, until taking antidepressants, made me depressed (yeah depressing huh) and i lost my job, became addicted to drugs, and signed myself into a mental facility. I came out and went off all meds cold turkey, except the benzos, and when my doc heard that, they went to. So now here i am with, I am starting to have panic more often, about to lose my job again, and i genuinely just want to be the best mother i can be, and for this mental illness to quit stealing my life, my joy, and everything about me that i was once proud of.

Thanks in advance for any helpful info and/or suggestions.

 

[Hodor]

Taking enough vitamins/omega-3's/other supplements can prevent you from developing certain deficiencies (especially if you are genetically predisposed to them, or have a *very* unbalanced diet), but they can't totally nullify the consequences of drug use/a generally unhealthy lifestyle.

Basically, obesity + meth use = blood pressure shooting through the roof, so it is understandable that your doc would want to get you on propanolol (which blocks adrenaline to combat high blood pressure, but will also work against anxiety, particularly the physical symptoms)
Vistaril is an antihistamine. It will likewise decrease anxiety and help you sleep, but unlike benzos it is non-recreational. Note that the sedating effects of antihistamines are often disproportionately strong in the first days after starting them. Also blocks serotonin 5HT2A receptors to some extent for an addictional anti-anxiety effect.
Prozac is, as you're probably aware, an SSRI-type antidepressant. SSRI's are generally very safe (unless you happen to be bipolar), and while there can be some mood blunting, being somewhat happy on an SSRI is generally infinitely preferrable to the persistent sadness of depression. Note that the antidepressant effect of an SSRI will typically take 2 weeks to fully manifest.
Gabapentin works well against anxiety and psychosomatic pain, and can help you taper from benzodiazepines. Pregabalin ("Lyrica") is probably better, although possibly too expensive since it may not have gone generic in the US yet.
Zantac decreases the production of stomach acid. Probably a good choice if you're suffering from obesity/acid reflux.

So all in all, your doc has scripted you safe, proven and cost-effective meds. I very much suggest that you take them, and to keep in mind that it can be normal to feel excessively tired during the first few days of starting vistaril, and that it takes ~2 weeks for the Prozac to fully kick in.

 

[Vastness]

You're not worrying for nothing, no. You said you don't want any "you need to quit this or that" answers so I won't give you any, but yes, you have cause to be worried if you choose not to follow your doctor's advice.

I would in general urge you not to throw the baby out with the bathwater here, just because you had a bad experience with prescribed antidepressants previously doesn't mean that you will have the same experience with a completely different prescription. It's probably worth considering also that whatever issues lead to you being prescribed antidepressants in the first place were the primary cause of your worsening depression, and that the antidepressants were just not effective in that case, rather than actually destructive to your wellbeing.

In general I have nothing against people "self-medicating" and I believe it can be done effectively. Depending on how many medications you are actually prescribed (in your case, quite a few) you have to be a lot more careful, however. It's also unfortunate that (with the exception of marijuana) you've chosen substances with a high potential for harm... there are substances out there that you can use every day with minimal negatives, but neither methamphetamine nor any benzodiazepines are included in that list.