littlesmg88
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2016
- Messages
- 18
(EXTREMELY lengthy post with so much detail but PLEASE read!)
I've been on adderall for 13 years since I was diagnosed with ADD, depression and anxiety (I'm on meds for those as well).
My prescribed dose had at one point been as high as 30xr once daily followed by 15xr in the afternoon.
Over the years different doctors lowered my dose saying it was due to being on it for so long and needing to be on it probably for years to come. I first experienced with occasional binging, then after my highest dosing regimen was cut down and I found it didn't work as well and doctors refusing to make it any higher I just started dosing myself with what I found worked as far as mg per day. It's gotten out of hand. I am currently on 20xr once daily and 10ir in the afternoon. I run out in 2 weeks-go through horrible deprivation for a few days, then go back to being lazy until another 2 weeks is up and I get a new script.
I've realized my motive behind my multiple self-dosing. Before I was educated otherwise; I used to take an adderall everytime I felt like I needed a "kick" a "push" a "jumpstart" on moivation. (Motivation to accomplish anything from doing a load of laundry to cleaning the entire house etc). But I then learned motivation can't be cured by pills.
Why I dose so often: 20 adderall xr wears off in 4 hours. So I take 2 or 3 total a day to get things done.
I do not do it to "get high" however in the past it used to give me a euphoric feeling when first taken but I havn't had that feeling in over a year.
I have tried taking some days off but it seems to immediately start my "withdrawl" if I don't take it.
(My withdrawl which happens when I don't take adderall/when I run out is non-stop sleeping for 5 days due to extreme fatigue despite taking things such as amino acid supplements and vitamins)
In my opinion I have the least amount of self control of anyone. So I don't know what else to do.
But I'm tired of this habit and wish I could get it straightened out. And I would like to know again what it's like to only take my medication as prescribed.
My medication does help me when I take it properly. I do not wish to eliminate it from my life.
I know I cannot talk to a proffessional about this issue because I know they will no longer allow me to be prescribed this medication.
It's a vicious cycle that no matter how crappy I feel after taking my last pill, regretting taking so many, but when my script comes I don't care.
I have journaled my feelings especially the day I take the last adderall: telling myself how much I regret taking that extra pill so that maybe if I read it I would remember and avoid it but in the end once I get my next prescription I repeat the process all over.
I have made 10% progress so far. I use a daily pill organizer and ration out my pills as soon as I get them according to my schedule.
This month I am trying to take less during the week on the days that I work all day and allow myself more on the days I have off (so that I can get things done at home).
I don't know what else to do! PLEASE HELP ME! Thank you!
I've been on adderall for 13 years since I was diagnosed with ADD, depression and anxiety (I'm on meds for those as well).
My prescribed dose had at one point been as high as 30xr once daily followed by 15xr in the afternoon.
Over the years different doctors lowered my dose saying it was due to being on it for so long and needing to be on it probably for years to come. I first experienced with occasional binging, then after my highest dosing regimen was cut down and I found it didn't work as well and doctors refusing to make it any higher I just started dosing myself with what I found worked as far as mg per day. It's gotten out of hand. I am currently on 20xr once daily and 10ir in the afternoon. I run out in 2 weeks-go through horrible deprivation for a few days, then go back to being lazy until another 2 weeks is up and I get a new script.
I've realized my motive behind my multiple self-dosing. Before I was educated otherwise; I used to take an adderall everytime I felt like I needed a "kick" a "push" a "jumpstart" on moivation. (Motivation to accomplish anything from doing a load of laundry to cleaning the entire house etc). But I then learned motivation can't be cured by pills.
Why I dose so often: 20 adderall xr wears off in 4 hours. So I take 2 or 3 total a day to get things done.
I do not do it to "get high" however in the past it used to give me a euphoric feeling when first taken but I havn't had that feeling in over a year.
I have tried taking some days off but it seems to immediately start my "withdrawl" if I don't take it.
(My withdrawl which happens when I don't take adderall/when I run out is non-stop sleeping for 5 days due to extreme fatigue despite taking things such as amino acid supplements and vitamins)
In my opinion I have the least amount of self control of anyone. So I don't know what else to do.
But I'm tired of this habit and wish I could get it straightened out. And I would like to know again what it's like to only take my medication as prescribed.
My medication does help me when I take it properly. I do not wish to eliminate it from my life.
I know I cannot talk to a proffessional about this issue because I know they will no longer allow me to be prescribed this medication.
It's a vicious cycle that no matter how crappy I feel after taking my last pill, regretting taking so many, but when my script comes I don't care.
I have journaled my feelings especially the day I take the last adderall: telling myself how much I regret taking that extra pill so that maybe if I read it I would remember and avoid it but in the end once I get my next prescription I repeat the process all over.
I have made 10% progress so far. I use a daily pill organizer and ration out my pills as soon as I get them according to my schedule.
This month I am trying to take less during the week on the days that I work all day and allow myself more on the days I have off (so that I can get things done at home).
I don't know what else to do! PLEASE HELP ME! Thank you!