TDS Help/advice getting off amphetamines

[gearfiend]

So ive been on adderall for about a year and a half now. I have pretty bad ADHD, and I have a prescription and all. The only trouble is that having ADHD means I am VERY susceptible to m a day on average, sometimes more. I go until I run out, then go through withdrawals, then the next script is there and it starts all over again. I absolutely love the energy and focus and mild euphoria, and even after withdrawals I think about them all the time and always crave them. Everything is a trigger for me. If I have them I can't stay away from them. I got used to not having the ADHD symptoms, and when they come back it reminds me every few minutes why I love adderall so much. I dont know what to do. When I'm on them I hate myself for it and feel weak for using them/relying on them and I want to quit. Then when I'm off them all the negative thoughts return (this is normal, I am extremely pessimistic without adderall, I always have been) and I just want to feel in control and not constantly overwhelmed and unmotivated and depressed (not just the withdrawal symptoms, it's like that for me normally). Also, when I'm not on them I crave stimulation (not anything specific, just a general need for more dopamine. This can cause me to do stupid things for thrills etc, which I wouldn't do without the adderall). It's just that I'm really starting to encounter problems with VERY high tolerance (eg taking 80-100mg in a standard dose for mostly just therapeutic effects) and I'm worried about my health. Being on fairly high doses of amphetamines on a regular basis for 1.5 years CANT be good.

So that's most of the story I can think of right now. If you need any clarification let me know...

I really want to try and quit these things for good or at least largely cut down on my use/dose sizes but I know my head will turn against me and it will fight tooth and nail to start up again.

Ultimately I need support in this endeavor, tips for dealing w/ cravings/withdrawals/ADHD symptoms, and advice for helping my body repair the damage caused by all these amphetamines in the past 1.5 years.

I really appreciate anything you can offer even just a few words of encouragement thanks guys

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Give your pills to a family member and have them give it to you only as needed or as prescribed.

 

[tocooperate]

I was on the stuff for about two years, the end of which consisted of week long binges blowing through my script in two weeks. this meant facing work for over a week every month in withdrawal. the first time i quit i had severe depression which caused me to miss work for almost 3 weeks. i ended up relapsing and losing that job but the point of my post is actually that finding this new job I'm at and having job satisfaction & real responsibility was the key to actually quitting for good.

IMO you NEED to have an external force occupying your time / energy in order to simply ignore the depressive period of staying sober. Unfortunately not everyone has the luxury of a good job after bottoming out - go volunteer or temp work, ANYTHING that will "kill the time"