HELLO! Okay who was it?!?!?

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Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
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85,003
Hello people. Yes, it is me. Smells like a fart here... I think i saw a glimpse of a ghost passing by also...

ABOUT ME

40 years old. Male. Finland. I like kids and i like animals and i generally get along with them a lot better than with adults. Including myself, i am a very problematic dude. Not even a real man. Just heard that one, still recovering after many days have passed by. Not joking this time. You don't want to hear shit like that from a woman, trust me on this one... So everyone, if you reply to my posts or otherwise interact with me, keep in mind that i am a problematic loser and not a real man. Okay? Cool.

I strongly promote women's rights and equality. And the rights of however the letters go, is it LBTQ? That community anyway, the sexual orientation minorities. Their rights and respecting them is a matter of honor and heart to me. If the sex is legal, like both (or all) participants are of legal age and they want to do it, please, go ahead, it is a beautiful thing. Gender does not matter. "Strange" fetishes do not matter. Love, and making love, that matters a lot. Yeah and the race thing, i could write a sentence or two about that also. Look, there are absolutely wonderful people and complete idiots in all races. In other words, i don't give a fuck about skin color. It simply does not matter. The human being matters. Judging people is for God to do, and quite frankly, i am not God. Only a believer human. I kinda suck in this "being human" thing also and really i don't have much clue about how to do that shit, even as i have practiced for 40 years without any kind of pause.

I am a total music freak. Listening to it right now, and listening to it basically always. I never watch TV, unless there is a major international ice hockey tournament going on. Fingers crossed that they will play... In few weeks... In Beijing, China... Not gonna believe that they will play before i see the fucking games, while i am a beer drinking and weed smoking couch potato. I really enjoy high quality dark roasted coffee also. With UTZ certificates, so that the farmer(s) will get some money also, and that the planet does not take too much damage due to my selfish hedonism. Drinking coffee here right now. In a hangover. Fuck.

DRUG BACKGROUND

I got drunk for the first time at age 15. Summer cottage. Dark rum and coca cola. I started mixing them and drinking them. After a while, i was like "Oh Holy God damn BANG! This is the way i wanna feel always. ALWAYS!" Which means i instantly became an alcoholic when i drank it for the first time. 40 years old now, an alcoholic, and still wanting to always feel like i felt that night 25 years ago. Drunk. It just happens to be impossible to be always in a pleasant and numb drunk-mode. I sail between the ports of pain and numbness. I aim to be at the numbness port but end up in the pain port too often. I was maybe 17 or 18 when i smoked cannabis for the first time. That was kinda nice, but not absolutely mad love at first sight (experience) like it was with me and alcohol. Then i did some other shit, like not drug kinda shit but life kinda shit. Graduated from some schools and did my military service duty. In the university of applied sciences (Social studies) i realized that oh no... What a pile of books... Which do not spark any kind of interest in me at all. Crap. I tried anyway. Compensated the pressure with all kinds of drugs. Dropped out from the university after 6 months or so and the drug use got completely fucking out of hand... Psychotic breakdown 2005. Involuntarily hospitalized for 3 months. Psychotic breakdown 2009. Involuntarily hospitalized for 3 months, stayed voluntarily for 6 months after that. Kicked out all substances from my life, except coffee, tobacco, alcohol, cannabis and benzodiazepines. Some harm reduction now: Do NOT combine alcohol and benzodiazepines. Crazy shit is gonna happen then, basically all by itself, on some kind of autopilot mode and you remember NOTHING afterwards. Therefore, it is not worth it. Drink if you want. Pop a benzo if you want. Just don't combine them. Yeah. I know. Don't fucking combine them, ever!

WHY AM I HERE? WHO FARTED?

So i am a greenlighter here now. I want to participate especially in the dark side sub forum. I am suicidal again. It comes and goes. I know how i will maybe do it.. If i do it. It will be a combination of 3 different substances in massive doses. But i refuse to name the substances, in order to avoid anyone of you getting any stupid ideas there. The PLANdemic has fucked me up totally. I don't recognize this world anymore. Fuck the new normal yo! And i am not even blaming anyone of you for farting. I already know who farted. The list is long. The ruling elite... Mainstream media... Big pharma companies... WHO... CDC... Creepy-Joe... Anthony fucking Fauci. A bunch of God damn criminals against humanity. But it is interesting to learn stuff about myself from the media and other people. Seems like i am a conspiracy theorist, anti-scientific, anti-vaxxer (which i am not, i have taken plenty of vaccines like polio and some shit. But there is no vaccine for the corona virus, it simply does not exist, so how the fuck am i the anti-vaxxer here now?) I am dangerous, and i have the lust for murder because i want grandma to die. The hated one. The reject. The second (or maybe third) class citizen. Constantly ridiculed. Constantly fucking frowned upon by the media-controlled mindless masses who point their fingers at me because media told them to do so, and politicians told the media to do so. Fucking fuck yo. It is hard. I was insane to begin with, then the PLANdemic and the new normal came, and the whole God damn humankind went insane, so where am i supposed to lean on, when i am shaking? About to fall? I know where. Bluelight.org. Much love and peace and that kinda stuff to EVERYONE, from here. Fin fucking land.

Thank you for letting me share.

ps. I apologize for all the profanity there. It is just a thing i do.



"No one sings like you anymore..."
 
Lol, I wasn't sure about him at first, but he has put out a bunch of hilarious videos since I first found his account.

Welcome to Bluelight by the way.
Thank you for welcoming me, that was a very nice and kind gesture :)

And yeah, gotta love JP! Good comedian! I don't get amused easily. He makes it happen.
 
I think you'll fit in here quite well. ;)
Yeah... I am gonna try to behave well. Really.

But if i am being a dickhead, which can happen at some point, then just do your mod thing and silence this little keyboard warrior right here. Me. It is gonna be fine.
 
Kinda pleased that i have not been hospitalized after 2009. My "quality" of life sucks big time. But i learned there, psychiatric wards, that when freedom is taken away.... Then... NOTHING remains!

 
thanks for joining. it's one of the nicest places left anymore. well, more like the only place.😁😁😁😁👟👹
👍🏽
Thank you for thanking me :)

There is no way in fucking hell that i could fit in anywhere except right here. Bluelight. I have tried. Been seeking. Hunting high and low. It is this place, or no place at all.

 
vZ5FHjo.jpg
 
Can i do it? I suppose i could... But i could not function at all, and i would be ultra pissed off and get banned from here during those 2 days.

Oh i have a bunch of diagnosis too (Gotta catch 'em all...) But i don't let them define me. First and foremost i am a human being, and so are you.

-Undefined psychotic disorder
-Depression
-Anxiety
-Insomnia
-Dissociation
-Substance abuse

And i used to think that drugs are cool as fuck, when i was a kid. Well, i guess drugs can be that, and more... But i was stupid and irresponsible. Now i pay. The price. For profound stupidity.
 
Fuck. I need beer.

Hangover is gone, guilt and shame and regret stepping into the game.
The game some force forces me to play, no need for fame.
I am an alcoholic, and that fucking shit is lame.
Let that one drink, who is the one to blame.

7:16 AM. Waiting for 9 AM so the beer selling is allowed in grocery stores. Fuck my life!

 
Alright, Fine people. Time to drink the absolute lowest quality, most disgusting and outright awful beer that this dimension of reality has to offer. But also the cheapest. That counts. The most. In the game for the effects, not in the game for the flavor. Poverty. My secret to uhh... not eternal life (fortunately!), but to somewhat be alive. Poverty. Without that shit, i would have drank myself to the fucking grave 2 decades ago. So, time to drink... And become the Wonderman. It is just an illusion. Me being a Wonderman. Or even a real man... But i like that illusion and uhh... "Use your illusion", right?

 
Would be cool if hangover would come first. Then being drunk. Just see how far... you can push it... Drink and drink and drink and feel more shitty all the time. How far into the hangover realm you can dive into... Then when it becomes absolutely unbearable, then stop drinking, and start getting drunk. Then being drunk ends at some point, without any hangover whatsoever. Everything in this world comes with a price tag. The worst price tags are the price tags you can't deal with money. Sometimes it is called love. Or caring. Or understanding. But it is just a motherfucking price tag in a disguise.

"Bring me down
Crush me under your heel
Bring me down
Break every bone in me
Bring me down
Tear off my self esteem
Bring me down
Bring me all the way down, down, down..."

J...

 
I've known this guy forever! Brilliant!
Yeah! I am not even a comedy kinda dude. But there is some good shit out there. This JP we are talking about now. Brilliant, you described it perfectly. Bill Hicks. Also brilliant. And of course OF FUCKING COURSE George Carlin! BRILLIANT! <3
 
Beer starting to work a little bit here. Make no mistake, it is not about partying. It was ALL about partying... in the last millennium. Then the fucking millennium changed, and i forgot how to party... Forgot how to smile... Sails are set towards the port of numbness again. Fuck pain.



"The road to the grave is straight as an arrow
I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby
The road to the grave is straight as an arrow
I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby"
 
Not a real man? Not a real man huh? Well, fuck. That absolutely devastated me and i am quite confident that this will be the end of me. I have taken multiple BIG overdoses on purpose. Got hit by a bus because i did not care, actually wanted to just see if it brakes or not. Broken hip... Broken arm. Took almost a year to physically recover from that shit. Words... Mightier than a motherfucking sword. Not a real man? That was like a fatality move from Mortal kombat video games. FINISH HIM! And boom, snap, click-clack motherfucking back for a while, but only for a while, no smile, haters, because:

 
Welcome back man. Glad to see you back on here.
Not a real man? Not a real man huh? Well, fuck. That absolutely devastated me and i am quite confident that this will be the end of me. I have taken multiple BIG overdoses on purpose. Got hit by a bus because i did not care, actually wanted to just see if it brakes or not. Broken hip... Broken arm. Took almost a year to physically recover from that shit. Words... Mightier than a motherfucking sword. Not a real man? That was like a fatality move from Mortal kombat video games. FINISH HIM! And boom, snap, click-clack motherfucking back for a while, but only for a while, no smile, haters, because:


To put it a bit bluntly - You're a good dude and you just gotta try not to take the negative things other people say about you to heart. I know the situation you are referring to, and it was a stupid argument where you both were angry that you gotta try your best to not overthink. Try to work on loving yourself more and building up your self esteem so that you don't get so affected by stupid shit other people say. You're a good dude, you're certainly a real man, and I don't like seeing you feel down like this about yourself.
 
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