RaZkaL86
Bluelighter
Hi everybody, my name's David and i live in Massachusetts, 43y.o. and my DOC is heroin. I've been addicted for 24 years with numerous detoxes and rehabs in my lifetime. Still using on a daily basis, even though I really can't afford it.(the only way it's possible is that I live with my older brother who's also an addict and has a steady job plus he gets credit all the time) I really don't like to have to depend on others to use but ATM I have no job and it's hard to try to get a job when you're strung out.
I also live with my 83y.o. Mom and she's got issues of her own with depression and she can't sleep so she depends on sleeping pills and the medicine she's taking for her depression (Mirtazapine) makes her very angry all the time so of course I am the one she takes it out on. This whole house is full of misery, depression and anger and I have a choice of staying here or putting myself out on the streets...helluva choice to make8( Sooooo, I'm kinda stuck and I hate it so much but the only thing I can do is go to detox and hopefully get into a long-term residential treatment center, but I was told it could be a long time before I can get in cause there's an approx. 6 month wait for a bed....this really brings me down...
I started one day back in 1987 with a friend of mine offering me some heroin to try. I was at first like no way I'm not gonna stick a needle in my arm!!! But he told me I could snort it, and there I went thinking it was gonna be someting I could try and if I didn't like it I wouldn't mees with it again...Boy was I wrong!!! I luved it from the start and the next day I was buying it for myself. It went from a two or three times a week thing to daily use and I was still working and maintaining my life as a worker during the day and I was a DJ at night throwing parties all the time and making mixtapes for my friends.
Then on a sunny cold Christmas Eve I was at home had just gotten home from a hard week and had gotten paid(we each got our paycheck plus a six-pack of Bud to go home with. I was with my best friend(the one who got me started) in my room, had copped a few bags and some weed and was commencing to get skyhigh when my sister and her boyfriend knocked on my door to tell me my father had passed away that morning(he had beel ill and was in the hospital for a while) but i never knew the extent of his illness; probably was told at one time but back then at eighteen years old I wasn't too concerned about it. My Pop was a strong guy, he'll get better... didn't know that cancer had started in his bones and spread to his pancreas and other organs. By the time they found it it was too advanced. He died at around 10am that morning. It hit me like a cannonball to the gut and I was miserable for weeks and the only thing that would make me feel better was the heroin; think it numbed me to the point of not feeling anything for a long time.....
Fastforward to 1996---- I had moved into a basement room( where my dealer lived on the second floor)8(and was working full-time on the night shift and most of my friends were addicts who used to go to the second floor to cop and come down to my place to get high. One day I was sitting there sick asa dog when my friend came by to score and I asked him to help me out. He thought about it and told me he would but because he only had a little i would have to shoot it. By then I had been using for around 9 or 10 years but only snorted it so I was really reluctant to shoot it(I had swore I would NEVER USE A NEEDLE!!!!!!) But I was in a hard spot so I agreed to do it "just this once"... (to be continued...)
I also live with my 83y.o. Mom and she's got issues of her own with depression and she can't sleep so she depends on sleeping pills and the medicine she's taking for her depression (Mirtazapine) makes her very angry all the time so of course I am the one she takes it out on. This whole house is full of misery, depression and anger and I have a choice of staying here or putting myself out on the streets...helluva choice to make8( Sooooo, I'm kinda stuck and I hate it so much but the only thing I can do is go to detox and hopefully get into a long-term residential treatment center, but I was told it could be a long time before I can get in cause there's an approx. 6 month wait for a bed....this really brings me down...
I started one day back in 1987 with a friend of mine offering me some heroin to try. I was at first like no way I'm not gonna stick a needle in my arm!!! But he told me I could snort it, and there I went thinking it was gonna be someting I could try and if I didn't like it I wouldn't mees with it again...Boy was I wrong!!! I luved it from the start and the next day I was buying it for myself. It went from a two or three times a week thing to daily use and I was still working and maintaining my life as a worker during the day and I was a DJ at night throwing parties all the time and making mixtapes for my friends.
Then on a sunny cold Christmas Eve I was at home had just gotten home from a hard week and had gotten paid(we each got our paycheck plus a six-pack of Bud to go home with. I was with my best friend(the one who got me started) in my room, had copped a few bags and some weed and was commencing to get skyhigh when my sister and her boyfriend knocked on my door to tell me my father had passed away that morning(he had beel ill and was in the hospital for a while) but i never knew the extent of his illness; probably was told at one time but back then at eighteen years old I wasn't too concerned about it. My Pop was a strong guy, he'll get better... didn't know that cancer had started in his bones and spread to his pancreas and other organs. By the time they found it it was too advanced. He died at around 10am that morning. It hit me like a cannonball to the gut and I was miserable for weeks and the only thing that would make me feel better was the heroin; think it numbed me to the point of not feeling anything for a long time.....
Fastforward to 1996---- I had moved into a basement room( where my dealer lived on the second floor)8(and was working full-time on the night shift and most of my friends were addicts who used to go to the second floor to cop and come down to my place to get high. One day I was sitting there sick asa dog when my friend came by to score and I asked him to help me out. He thought about it and told me he would but because he only had a little i would have to shoot it. By then I had been using for around 9 or 10 years but only snorted it so I was really reluctant to shoot it(I had swore I would NEVER USE A NEEDLE!!!!!!) But I was in a hard spot so I agreed to do it "just this once"... (to be continued...)
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
