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Have you ever introduced someone to hard drugs?

Pickledlemons

Pickledlemons

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Messages
2,053
Sorry if this is in the wrong section.. I wasn't sure where to post this.

I recently had an experience that has been really hard for me process.

Some quick context, I met a cute girl in my first year of high school that I became friends with. Skip ahead about 3 years and I was a recreational meth user. I knew this girl did coke so for her birthday I gave her a small amount of speed. I said something like " it feels like coke but lasts longer" and she put it straight up her nose. Sometime around this time period I also introduced her to GHB. That was about 10/11 years ago. I stopped using speed and ghb shortly after this, and havent seen her since.

These days I am stable on suboxone but I do have an occasional slip (Idk 2-4 times a year maybe). Anyway a couple months ago I was visiting a friend out of town. At one point I found myself sauntering through a rougher part of town and find this same girl living in a tent. She is missing almost all of her teeth (she maybe had 15-20% remaining) and looked pretty malnourished. I stopped to talk to her for a while. I kind of assumed she had moved onto opioids like me and most of the people I know who did stimulants in their teens. I find out that she had never even tried an opioid, she has been smoking meth and doing GHB ever since I knew her a decade earlier. That was really hard for me to hear. I can't help but feel like I ruined this girls life.

I try to tell myself that she had a tough upbringing and would have turned to these drugs anyway ( she was a ward of the state and an alcoholic when we met)... but then I remember that she had never even tried anything harder... just the drugs that I introduced to her all these years ago. Maybe if I had never given her those drugs she wouldn't be living on the street now. Its like she trusted me because I was a friend... and I fucked her over. I've had other friends who have had a tough go with drugs.. they all seem to pull themselves out of it, that or die. But I've never felt so personally responsible. I've been thinking about it a lot and I cant stop the tears from welling in my eyes. I know I'm the bad guy here but I never really thought any further than " I had a positive experience with this substance and I want to share that with people close to me." I was only 17.

Anyway sorry for ranting. I tried to keep it as brief as possible. Has anyone else had a similar experience? do you feel guilty because of it? what are some of your coping mechanisms? Thank you.
 
You always have a choice, I think you should look at it from this point of view and don't charge yourself with unhealthy energy.
 
I introduced a boyfriend to heroin when I was a teeneger. When we split he blamed me totally for his addiction. Fast forward 3 decades, he is still a junkie but so am I. I just clean up from time to time and he doesn't. I still feel bad about what I did. Maybe he would have gone that route anyway. I'll never know. I don't see him. I've heard about him through friends.
In the end, we all make our own choices. That said, I'll never forgive myself for introducing him to something so fucking addictive.
 
Shady's Fox said:
You always have a choice, I think you should look at it from this point of view and don't charge yourself with unhealthy energy.
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I agree. If addiction was there it was always there and always gonna be there, it's not as if you pressured her into anything and she got hooked. This shit can happen to anyone like we all well know, good childhood, bad childhood. Parents, no parents. Most of us are given free will and have the ability to understand cause and effect based on our actions, and as kids we naturally make a dodgey desicions but WE still made them. There is no way that this is how you would have seen shit going when u were 17, not even thinkin with the right head at that age
 
I myself more then a decade ago gave one of my friends some pethidine that i was prescribed at the time and he got hooked right there. Back then you could still get high schedule meds under the counter at certain pharmacies and with that he got hooked and carried on doing pethidine till he couldn't afford it anymore and moved over to H. Today his a hobo living on the street and doing who knows what to get a fix. And that i still blame myself for till this day.
 
Yes, I gave a friend his first needle with dilaudid, and smoked meth with him the first time.. but he has not become an addict thank god. Never used a needle again and only used meth a few times after.. Not something I would repeat ever again. This was about 9 years ago and I still think about it sometimes and feel like a total asshole.
 
I turned a girlfriend onto the speed needle when we were about 19 or 20. My parents then paid for her rehab a few years later because "my fault". Now. she makes about $500k a year as a company director but doesn't talk to me. I should have done rehab with her at the time.
 
I had a Russian buddy of mine, a few years older than me that I introduced to Heroin. We'd already done speed, coke etc together. One day I was at this lounge bar on a night out with a different friend group and he was coked up and I was on heroin. I traded him half a gram of heroin for a half gram of coke. He ended up fine, but I was shocked when he told me a few months later that it was the first time he'd ever done H. I felt really bad about how it could have gone and I wouldn't want to have given my worst enemy that monkey on their back, let alone a decent friend. Anyhow, I'm clean off the H for about 8 years now and he thankfully never got hooked. I'm so thankful he didn't, I would have felt really guilty. With that said, I echo other people's sentiment in that people have a choice.
 
My husband feels a lot of guilt for introducing me to those first perc 5’s, we called “happy pills” ... We both ended up on pills for years , luckily it never went further than oxy40’s but we def wasted a lot of money on pills. No one else ever knew about our problem and it was nice to be able to vent go thru it all with someone who understood . He is off all opiate pills now and only does adderall occasionally and I’m also off pills but hooked on Kratom . We both used the Kratom to get off pills once we were finally done . ( Thanks bluelight and everyone here for the Kratom advice , our withdraw was pretty painless ) .

But I can only blame myself for getting addicted and I hold no ill will towards him about it, I was an adult who knew the risks .
 
I introduced far more people to cocaine than I even want to think about. I'm glad those days are long behind me, but I still feel guilt to th his day. I wonder how many lives I ruined...
 
In my early 20's i had a house party and people were there that i didn't really know.
I was on pcp and coke and a guy asked to try one saying he never even smoked weed.
I was messed up and gave him pcp
Found out a few days later he left in his car and flew off the freeway killing himself.
It was a drug party, no booze and drug dealers so he would have gotten something from someone anyway but maybe they would have given him a line of coke where he was naive to drugs.
20 years later i still think of his family and still have tremendous guilt. He would have had a family by now but i thought he would handle pcp
 
dalpat077 said:
Did she ever make restitution to your parents for the cost of her rehab. if I may be so bold as to ask?

Listen (to all on this thread). There's a lot of self loathing and pity going on here. I'm telling you all it's for naught and you're not to blame (for the second time).

Put this another way: I've interacted and worked with people OTHER than those that I mentioned in my post above and I assure you that nobody is to blame for other people's mistakes or choices. Fact: over the years I've been to dinner parties or held barbecues at my home being the only one using at the table or on the occasion and nobody jumped in on the action (and in some cases probably thought I was an arsehole at the time) (and probably still do think the same as I've not seen them for decades in some cases). As another example: I couldn't get my current girlfriend to snort a line or hit a crack pipe even if she was pissed out of her mind and I was holding a shotgun to her head. And this applies to probably 98% of the people I've met in my life (and that's quite a few over the years I assure you).

A further pertinent illustration: things could have gone either way for Ms. $500K per year company director after rehab. I'm assuming she made a choice and stuck with it. Some people though are just not that lucky or that strong. But that's on them. Not you. And by the way: at $500K per annum (assuming USD) maybe it's worth giving her a call or two now and then and making friends again (well: depending on how well she's aged of course)! Lol!

Oh and to add to the above: she obviously was fortunate enough, for whatever reasons, the HAVE been ABLE to make her choices. Some don't have that luxury and fall through the cracks and nobody gives a fuck about them. But unless you were responsible for them and their less than stellar life conditions BEFORE they started using, and you may just have been the introduction and nothing more, well then you're not to blame and trust me it would have happened anyway. Just a question of being in the wrong place at the wrong time in those instances.

Anyways.

I'm not saying to not have compassion and be caring because I most certainly do care and that seems to apply to everyone that's posted here. Just don't be too hard on yourselves is all I'm saying (just trying to "balance the scales" here I guess).
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No she never made restitution to my parents. Actually I've never thought about that. However, about 20 years later I bumped into her again and (long story short) convinved her to leave her husband, take her kids, and move in with me with a view to becoming some kindof business power couple. However, she must really have triggerred the Fuck out of me somehow because within about 3 months I was back on IV coke and she left me. She did take me on a nice holiday to New Zealand and Japan though. Turns out she was always possesed of an indestructible inner fortitude that I don't have. Probably what attracted me to her in the first place. Shame of it was she was hands down the best lover I've ever had and worth any other three taken all at the same time with a bagful of crystal and a viagra. That's why I'll always have to answer the sex versus drugs question with drugs I guess.
 
Yeah, back in 2006 I introduced my best friend at the time to dilaudid. Shot him up for the first time, and shortly after I was forced to go into a drug treatment program. About 3 months or so later my mother had told me that my friend had committed suicide.
It was fucked up, and I had a hard time of letting it go.
There has been other times where I would offer women lines of heroin, and knowing that they have never done it before. Haven't heard from them since.
 
I introduced my best friend to heroin. Ive thought about it from time to time. He was using oills so I can’t take full responsibility for it.

I think about all the times I tried hard drugs for the first time. Should I hold those people responsible? No of course not. They were only doing what people who do drugs around other people do. They offer to share. (In a lot of instances.)
 
My dad introduced me to pot, hash and shrooms. Many of my boyfriends smoked lots of weed, and with them, I indulged. My first husband drank a ton and I occasionally joined him. My second husband was a coke fiend and my romance with coke was over almost as quickly as we were.
But I am an opiaphile and no one, other than my doctors, introduced me to those.
Whether or not someone chooses to become an addict has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their own preference and chemistry.
I’m sorry you saw your friend from high school so many years later hooked on the very substances you introduced her to. But I’ve no doubt she would have found her way there anyway, like all of us here have.
 
I introduced a girlfriend to heroin when we were like 17, eventually we moved on to shooting and I ended up always being the one to shoot her up. I got clean this year in june but she is still using, I actually just talked to her for the first time in years last night and am hoping to become friends, I would feel so much better about myself if I could help her out, but I dont know. It makes me pretty sad even without holding myself responsible, were both 22 now and yea, its hard
 
Branggen said:
I would feel so much better about myself if I could help her out
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You know as well as I do that we are all on this fucked up journey alone.
In my scenario, my friend went through many attempts to get clean. I havent. I felt the worst about all of it when he would call me to update his progress, and all I could hear is the hurt.

We haven’t spoken in a little over a year. Last time I talked he told me he got married and offered me some couch space when I was cruising through town last summer. he’d just have to okay it with his wife. He told me his wife knew all “about me”. He also said we’d be friends forever no matter what. Somewhere in a five hour time period- he went silent and I never heard from him again. I’m more sad about that, than anything. Wifey must have shot down ANY chance of us seeing each other. I can understand that. I would never want to jeopardize his sobriety. BUT I also hate when people who don’t know the situation come in and dictate or pass judgement when they have no ground to. He and I had many times during our friendship where he wasn’t using and we could still catch up.
 
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