Bomb319
Bluelighter
On day 2-3 of Dilly/heroin withdrawal - right at the point where severe, late w/d symptoms such as severe psychological shit like derealization, anxiety and immense depression as well as horrible physical ones like very bad RLS, soaking the bed with sweat, a complete and total inability to control my body temp or tolerate heat, goosebumps all over, diarrhea and puking etc. (I took up to 40 pills 8mg daily, or a gram of H) I happened to find a WHOLE FUCKING UNOPENED FLAP OF HEROIN that somehow got under my couch without my noticing which is very, very rare since I of course meticulously keep track of what I have so I can use every last molecule if possible. This flap contained about a quarter of the really good shit (0.25 GRAMS) - right at the absolute worst of w/d while puking, poor and unable to get anything more. I had been previously scouring the carpet for flying chunks - and often found enough to at least alleviate withdrawal for awhile, or even get a good buzz once or twice. However finding that flap was something else entirely, and out of this world amazing. I will NEVER as long as I live, forget the feeling of finding that. It beats almost anything else in the world, including doing the heroin itself.
The sheer bliss resulting from having a completely unexpected, significant amount directly into my bloodstream (thank the lord I didn't miss as I so often did), during the throes of terrible w/d was absolute heaven of course, but even better was the feeling I had right when I found it, realized what it was, crossed my fingers in prayer, finally opened it up and finding what was a treasure beyond the likes of any other to me at the time. Just like that, my misery stopped dead in it's tracks, I got a rush to end all rushes because it was finally a significant amount and not just crumbs but particularly along with the sheer unexpectedness and profound relief of it all, and was finally able to do stuff again, since during dilly or H withdrawal I always confine myself to bed without eating.
On the flip side though of course, from then on I would always search everywhere like a fiend whenever the cycle repeated itself which is constantly did, of course. I spent soooo much time going through bags of thrown out old papers, under furniture, etc. - basically any way to get high or at least alleviate withdrawal without having to leave my apartment. I STILL have dreams about that find to this day, and had not ever found anything comparable since (although I've successfully transferred to methadone for the past 15 months or so). It was such an amazing feeling that I tried to trick myself into doing it again by "planting" some pills or flaps in various spots whenever I was able to pick up enough to do that. Of course that never worked even once, because I would always remember where I put them and raid them as soon as I ran out, no matter how much I told myself to wait until I was very sick when they would be the most needed. Opiate addiction is incredibly scary in that it completely controls your mind and body. Have you guys had any similar experiences with luckily finding drugs with or without being sick, and know the feeling of it being worth way more than gold to you?
The sheer bliss resulting from having a completely unexpected, significant amount directly into my bloodstream (thank the lord I didn't miss as I so often did), during the throes of terrible w/d was absolute heaven of course, but even better was the feeling I had right when I found it, realized what it was, crossed my fingers in prayer, finally opened it up and finding what was a treasure beyond the likes of any other to me at the time. Just like that, my misery stopped dead in it's tracks, I got a rush to end all rushes because it was finally a significant amount and not just crumbs but particularly along with the sheer unexpectedness and profound relief of it all, and was finally able to do stuff again, since during dilly or H withdrawal I always confine myself to bed without eating.
On the flip side though of course, from then on I would always search everywhere like a fiend whenever the cycle repeated itself which is constantly did, of course. I spent soooo much time going through bags of thrown out old papers, under furniture, etc. - basically any way to get high or at least alleviate withdrawal without having to leave my apartment. I STILL have dreams about that find to this day, and had not ever found anything comparable since (although I've successfully transferred to methadone for the past 15 months or so). It was such an amazing feeling that I tried to trick myself into doing it again by "planting" some pills or flaps in various spots whenever I was able to pick up enough to do that. Of course that never worked even once, because I would always remember where I put them and raid them as soon as I ran out, no matter how much I told myself to wait until I was very sick when they would be the most needed. Opiate addiction is incredibly scary in that it completely controls your mind and body. Have you guys had any similar experiences with luckily finding drugs with or without being sick, and know the feeling of it being worth way more than gold to you?
