CalmG
Bluelighter
Hello!
Until recently I never really thought much about whether or not I've had psychotic episodes before, and then recently I made a new friend who in a few ways is similar to me and he was telling me about how once he thought he was Jesus and had to spend a month or so in a mental hospital and it made me wonder if things I've experienced have been psychotic episodes too!
Ok so twice I have 'gone abit mental'.
Aged 14-16 I was very popular in school, described as a 'legend' for alot.
I discovered I was gay at the age of 17 and was smoking ALOT of weed at the time. It was so bad I couldn't walk in a straight line comfortably incase I was 'walking in a gay way' and people 'would find out' haha. I literally couldn't think of anything apart from pondering if I am gay or not for 8 months so become a really nasty person (verbally aggresive to people). Also had a minor drinking problem they put me into councelling for. It got so bad that at one point i'm sitting on a gravestone in the local cemetry and all I can think is ''I'm crazy i'm crazy i'm crazy'' over and over again.
Eventualyl after 5 years of social anxiety I overcome all my deamons and am the fabulous gay man I always should have been, described as a 'legend' once again and am basically a nice person.
Then I have an abusive relationship long story short - I call him intense he replies ''lots of people have said that to me about you'' i say ''i think that i'm crazy you shouldnt say that to me' next day he says ''its just your enthusiasm its something you need to be aware of''
Once again I spend 7 months obsessing over whether I am crazy or not, start falling out of friends because can't interact with them. I feel like everything I say is really really weird. Leave job eventually. Can't stop self-obsessing it isn't a choice. Thinking ''Am I a creep? weirdo? psycho? crazy'? over and over when actually i'm just really bubbly and nice.
So twice now in my life I have been socially capable, confident, wide circles of friends, then twice I have had periods where I obsessivly think that I'm nuts and can't think of anything else. Before either of these 'episodes' happen I am not self-obsessed at all and am a very affectionate person and nice company.
Do these count as psychotic episodes then?
I feel like I'm just about recovering from the 2nd one now but I had LOADS of friends before it happened and was out partying every night, now not going out at all, feel like I've got to start my life from scratch again...
I was actually suicidal but can see light at end of tunnel now
Until recently I never really thought much about whether or not I've had psychotic episodes before, and then recently I made a new friend who in a few ways is similar to me and he was telling me about how once he thought he was Jesus and had to spend a month or so in a mental hospital and it made me wonder if things I've experienced have been psychotic episodes too!
Ok so twice I have 'gone abit mental'.
Aged 14-16 I was very popular in school, described as a 'legend' for alot.
I discovered I was gay at the age of 17 and was smoking ALOT of weed at the time. It was so bad I couldn't walk in a straight line comfortably incase I was 'walking in a gay way' and people 'would find out' haha. I literally couldn't think of anything apart from pondering if I am gay or not for 8 months so become a really nasty person (verbally aggresive to people). Also had a minor drinking problem they put me into councelling for. It got so bad that at one point i'm sitting on a gravestone in the local cemetry and all I can think is ''I'm crazy i'm crazy i'm crazy'' over and over again.
Eventualyl after 5 years of social anxiety I overcome all my deamons and am the fabulous gay man I always should have been, described as a 'legend' once again and am basically a nice person.
Then I have an abusive relationship long story short - I call him intense he replies ''lots of people have said that to me about you'' i say ''i think that i'm crazy you shouldnt say that to me' next day he says ''its just your enthusiasm its something you need to be aware of''
Once again I spend 7 months obsessing over whether I am crazy or not, start falling out of friends because can't interact with them. I feel like everything I say is really really weird. Leave job eventually. Can't stop self-obsessing it isn't a choice. Thinking ''Am I a creep? weirdo? psycho? crazy'? over and over when actually i'm just really bubbly and nice.
So twice now in my life I have been socially capable, confident, wide circles of friends, then twice I have had periods where I obsessivly think that I'm nuts and can't think of anything else. Before either of these 'episodes' happen I am not self-obsessed at all and am a very affectionate person and nice company.
Do these count as psychotic episodes then?
I feel like I'm just about recovering from the 2nd one now but I had LOADS of friends before it happened and was out partying every night, now not going out at all, feel like I've got to start my life from scratch again...
I was actually suicidal but can see light at end of tunnel now
