Just recently I have gotten out of the "rut" that has been plaguing me for the last six months. I become absolutely obsessed with MDMA and the club scene. I basically stopped going to class, slept all day, and stopped talking to a lot of close friends. People say that ecstasy isn't physically addicting but I think it's mentally addicting. All I cared about was when was friday gonna get here, how much was I gonna pay for a hundred beans this weekend and what DJ's are spinning. Also I started dealing. It's not something I'm proud off but it was supporting my lifestlye. My parents got real suspicious and my (real, not my club friends) became distusted with me. I never tried drugs until 6 months ago and now i'm dealing anything I can get my hands on. I wish I could go back to being that innocent, nieve boy I was but that can't mentally happen. I just want to know if anyone else has gotten caught up in the drugs and clubs and made them a lifestyle.......
Has anyone hit the wall?
- Thread starter OZ
- Start date
Well im in a similar position, but not dealing. I have quit school, and all i want to do i got clubbin, raves, parties and dance. Its not wrong though. I believe that i quit school for other reasons ill leave unknown, but if Ecstasy has done anything for me it has opened me up to see the world from a different perspective. I understand feelings, i care more about people, and most of all i have quit judging people before i know them. That stuff may not mean shit in the real world, but you will get further knowing that and realizing what kind of person you have become.
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"Create Your Own Ecstasy"
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"Create Your Own Ecstasy"
Everyone is different, and everyone leads a different lifestyle, but seriously, how do you guys who do nothing but do drugs and go clubbing expect to live your lives? Don't get me wrong, I love clubbing and E too, but you need to draw the line. So you don't go to class...what kind of job do you think you're going to get? Or are you going to make ends meet dealing? It's hard enough for college grads to get jobs, those without have a considerably harder time. I'm not saying that everyone needs to go to college. I don't believe that. But, if you don't finish school, and you aren't a successful performer or have a trade, what else is there job wise? Oz and XMonsooNX, do you guys live at home or on your own? The reason I'm asking is b/c fear is a powerful motivator. When you're afraid of where you're getting money for the rent, you begin to think a little harder about making responsible choices. Well, I did anyway.
The club scene can be addicting at first b/c you are having fun, meeting new people, doing drugs like a rock star, etc. After a while, when you grow out of "the scene", you realize what an empty existence it really is. I'm trying to preach moderation peeps. Go to clubs, enjoy E, but also set some goals, learn something in school, make decisions about your future.
I realize that hindsight is always clearer, but I've been where you are. Please, finish school, get everything you can out of it, build a great career, and then you won't need to worry about how you're paying for your beans come Friday!
The club scene can be addicting at first b/c you are having fun, meeting new people, doing drugs like a rock star, etc. After a while, when you grow out of "the scene", you realize what an empty existence it really is. I'm trying to preach moderation peeps. Go to clubs, enjoy E, but also set some goals, learn something in school, make decisions about your future.
I realize that hindsight is always clearer, but I've been where you are. Please, finish school, get everything you can out of it, build a great career, and then you won't need to worry about how you're paying for your beans come Friday!
Oz, if you truly are getting out of the "rut" congratulations. It's a good move. Everyone is different, and everyone leads a different lifestyle, but seriously, how do you guys who do nothing but do drugs and go clubbing expect to live your lives? Don't get me wrong, I love clubbing and E too, but you need to draw the line. So you don't go to class...what kind of job do you think you're going to get? Or are you going to make ends meet dealing? It's hard enough for college grads to get jobs, those without have a considerably harder time. I'm not saying that everyone needs to go to college. I don't believe that. But, if you don't finish school, and you aren't a successful performer or have a trade, what else is there job wise? Oz and XMonsooNX, do you guys live at home or on your own? The reason I'm asking is b/c fear is a powerful motivator. When you're afraid of where you're getting money for the rent, you begin to think a little harder about making responsible choices. Well, I did anyway.
The club scene can be addicting at first b/c you are having fun, meeting new people, doing drugs like a rock star, etc. After a while, when you grow out of "the scene", you realize what an empty existence it really is. I'm trying to preach moderation peeps. Go to clubs, enjoy E, but also set some goals, learn something in school, make decisions about your future.
I realize that hindsight is always clearer, but I've been where you are. Please, finish school, get everything you can out of it, build a great career, and then you won't need to worry about how you're paying for your beans come Friday!
The club scene can be addicting at first b/c you are having fun, meeting new people, doing drugs like a rock star, etc. After a while, when you grow out of "the scene", you realize what an empty existence it really is. I'm trying to preach moderation peeps. Go to clubs, enjoy E, but also set some goals, learn something in school, make decisions about your future.
I realize that hindsight is always clearer, but I've been where you are. Please, finish school, get everything you can out of it, build a great career, and then you won't need to worry about how you're paying for your beans come Friday!
denverroller
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 8, 1999
- Messages
- 44
Tricky - AMEN! You said it way better than I could. My boyfriend is having addiction problems - every weekend, sleeping all the time, depressed, etc. I am sticking by him because he recognizes the problem and wants out sooo bad. He graduates from college in a week and a half and will be out of the scene. I personally only do e once every couple of months or so. NO WAY could I do it every weekend and survive in grad school. Plus, and this is just MY OPINION, I think that when you begin to abuse e you lose the real perspective and joy that you can get from it. E made me realize that I can have that kind of perception and love without the drug. I believe people who become addicted forget how to deal with their feelings in real life. When you are that immersed in it you usually have so-called "friends" who are just as immersed, so you begin to think it is normal. Your true friends will be the ones to urge you to practice moderation and seek life outside of e. If you resist them too long, you may lose them. Again, this is all just from opinion and personal experience.
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"It is never too late to give up our prejudices"
Henry David Thoreau
Walden, 1854
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"It is never too late to give up our prejudices"
Henry David Thoreau
Walden, 1854
I haven't hit the wall, but I'm running at it full steam. The last three months have been a non-stop party for me. I was living with my parents, paying minimal board, with a full-time job, and going to uni. I managed to scrape through the session doing fuck all work, but still with respectable marks thanks to benevolent group members. My work performance has gone right up shit creek - I'm bored with just about everything work has to offer me and spend a lot of time just bludging. I used to be heavily into surfing & riding my mountain bike, but I don't do those much anymore either.
Thankfully, I moved out of home & am now paying rent, have bills etc. The bottomless money pit I thought I had is looking pretty empty, so I'm getting the alarm bells ringing pretty loudly. I've learnt moderation, so that's a start. I don't know whether or not I'll get myself out of this hole just yet, because my usual approach to things is that _nothing_ is a big deal, and I can handle anything that comes my way. It's good in that I can handle a lot of things I otherwise may not, but when you're not stressed anymore, you fail to do things you should do. I'm also somebody who will just let things go "to see what happens" - all part of the adventure.
The drugs are fun, the music is fun, the people are fun. Work isn't fun, exercise is too much effort, I can do without saving for my upcoming car rego payment because it always somehow works itself out...
You know, as a result of all this partying I've become a much more confident person, I'm not as shy as I used to be, I've made new friends for the first time in a couple of years, my attitude towards a lot of things (especially other people) have improved. I've also managed to fuck my life right up. It is a shambles, and I don't like myself much (other than the above improvements) anymore. I'm lazy, selfish, unfit, unmotivated, messy, and my eating habits are terrible, but I love my friends & that's the important thing, right? I sit here & think about it all, and I'm not saddened by that fact. Disappointed in myself, yeah, but I feel that when I do actually care enough to pull myself out of this rut then it'll be no trouble. One of the reasons for this is I'm still having a fucking great time, "fucking my life up". I guess when I really start recognising it as that, then I'll be motivated enough to change it.
Ben.
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"Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route"
Thankfully, I moved out of home & am now paying rent, have bills etc. The bottomless money pit I thought I had is looking pretty empty, so I'm getting the alarm bells ringing pretty loudly. I've learnt moderation, so that's a start. I don't know whether or not I'll get myself out of this hole just yet, because my usual approach to things is that _nothing_ is a big deal, and I can handle anything that comes my way. It's good in that I can handle a lot of things I otherwise may not, but when you're not stressed anymore, you fail to do things you should do. I'm also somebody who will just let things go "to see what happens" - all part of the adventure.
The drugs are fun, the music is fun, the people are fun. Work isn't fun, exercise is too much effort, I can do without saving for my upcoming car rego payment because it always somehow works itself out...
You know, as a result of all this partying I've become a much more confident person, I'm not as shy as I used to be, I've made new friends for the first time in a couple of years, my attitude towards a lot of things (especially other people) have improved. I've also managed to fuck my life right up. It is a shambles, and I don't like myself much (other than the above improvements) anymore. I'm lazy, selfish, unfit, unmotivated, messy, and my eating habits are terrible, but I love my friends & that's the important thing, right? I sit here & think about it all, and I'm not saddened by that fact. Disappointed in myself, yeah, but I feel that when I do actually care enough to pull myself out of this rut then it'll be no trouble. One of the reasons for this is I'm still having a fucking great time, "fucking my life up". I guess when I really start recognising it as that, then I'll be motivated enough to change it.
Ben.
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"Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route"
Well i live at home, but have a 300$ a month car payment and 200 a month insurance payment. I work part time for 5 hrs a day, but have serious personal problems that have no relation to drugs or clubs. I mean i just quit college like a month ago. Already been thru one full year, but i donno. When my personal problems are solved i think i will try to go back, but from statistics once you quit you wont go back. I just gotta try to be the few that quit and actually go back. ATLEAST i realize what i need to do.
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"Create Your Own Ecstasy"
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"Create Your Own Ecstasy"
I think all you guys need a
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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"if man is ever to solve that problem of politics in practice he will have to approach it through the problem of the aesthetic, because it is only through beauty that man makes his way to freedom."
~Schiller
[This message has been edited by rollwitit (edited 09 December 1999).]
[This message has been edited by rollwitit (edited 09 December 1999).]
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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"if man is ever to solve that problem of politics in practice he will have to approach it through the problem of the aesthetic, because it is only through beauty that man makes his way to freedom."
~Schiller
[This message has been edited by rollwitit (edited 09 December 1999).]
[This message has been edited by rollwitit (edited 09 December 1999).]
Jollyrancher
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 28, 1999
- Messages
- 73
I have been rolling about 3-4 times a month for about 2 years now ( sometimes 2-3 times a week.) I never started dealing (afraid of prison) The biggest problem is that the negative side of me gets burried and when a bad situation arises the negative emotions that are pent up sort of blurt themselfs out all at once. But I do, and have for many years held down two jobs without too much trouble. I've been around a long long while and this is the best way of life I've ever known or imagined. I use e, k , weed & halucinigens. No coke or opiates which steal your soul. I enjoy my double life...most people I know don't have a clue about what e is all about and I feel sad that they will never know. Consider yourself blessed to have even been on the scene at all...But once a line is crossed it is crossed.... People get addicted to many things....it's our nature....It's only our relationship with the Great Spirit that will keep us from addiction and ruin. Find others who have quit, they are the only ones who can realy show you the way out...
Peace
Peace
awwww, thanks rollwitit. You get a *hug* for being such a nice person
I'm not whinging though - I'm actually to the point where I'm now serious about, and am, getting off my butt & changing what I need to change, so I'm quite happy. But that's still pretty much my situation at the moment.
I don't really intend to cut back on the going out, more just take responsibility in the other side of my life.
Cheers,
Ben.
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"Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route"
I don't really intend to cut back on the going out, more just take responsibility in the other side of my life.
Cheers,
Ben.
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"Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route"
Mr. Sticky
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 24, 1999
- Messages
- 10,033
I've never HIT the wall, but a certainly writhe up against it from time to time.
liquidocean
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 8, 1999
- Messages
- 7,865
Cool thread. Living at the edge is hard, and people definitely have fallen off into the abyss.
Drugs: i do a wide variety of substances, but only enough to loosen the matrix of existence so i can jump through the portal using my own freed consciousness, i.e. as mood enhancers, not mood creators. No crystal, no speed, no bingeing, little alcohol, and only proper mixing of drugs. Won't do drugs without something to do. Rarely do drugs alone, or at home. Take a methodical approach to dosing. Appropriate substances and appropriate amounts for appropriate situations. Excess and gluttony really are sins, and they feel nasty. Also, month-long hiatuses help out. Plus i use homeopathic remedies and exercise a lot.
Music: only the good shit. I've been around enough to know what music and scenes i like, and i don't bother to waste my time on those i don't, it's precious.
Relationships: couldn't be better. Great new people. A lot of old friends aren't around anymore, but that's more of a matter of distance than attitude. Friends are balanced. Most are in good shape, some i kinda worry about, some i could see loosening up.
Career: still stuck in 3rd gear. Not too much motivation, but the bills are paid. But i'm still young, but this can definitely use a kickstart. Have a bunch of friends with lucrative jobs that manage party time and work time real well. Many good examples to follow.
Am i tired? Yes, the SF scene can make you feel alone and left behind sometimes, but is usually filled with such warmth and good, honest, open souls. But living here is intense, and the party scene does not slow down. And Burningman doesn't help out either. But it all comes down to moderation, and i've seen my involvement in the scene with a year or so of foresight, and have kept everything on cruise control, content not to go overboard, and it has treated me quite well.
Patience, moderation, simplicity, contentness, reflection, appreciation, love, peace, respect, compassion. All these apply to ourselves as well. If you love yourself like a child and treat yourself well, good things happen. Sorry to talk so much about myself, but this topic hit a chord for me and i'm always down to share my view of responsible usage.
[This message has been edited by liquidocean (edited 09 December 1999).]
Drugs: i do a wide variety of substances, but only enough to loosen the matrix of existence so i can jump through the portal using my own freed consciousness, i.e. as mood enhancers, not mood creators. No crystal, no speed, no bingeing, little alcohol, and only proper mixing of drugs. Won't do drugs without something to do. Rarely do drugs alone, or at home. Take a methodical approach to dosing. Appropriate substances and appropriate amounts for appropriate situations. Excess and gluttony really are sins, and they feel nasty. Also, month-long hiatuses help out. Plus i use homeopathic remedies and exercise a lot.
Music: only the good shit. I've been around enough to know what music and scenes i like, and i don't bother to waste my time on those i don't, it's precious.
Relationships: couldn't be better. Great new people. A lot of old friends aren't around anymore, but that's more of a matter of distance than attitude. Friends are balanced. Most are in good shape, some i kinda worry about, some i could see loosening up.
Career: still stuck in 3rd gear. Not too much motivation, but the bills are paid. But i'm still young, but this can definitely use a kickstart. Have a bunch of friends with lucrative jobs that manage party time and work time real well. Many good examples to follow.
Am i tired? Yes, the SF scene can make you feel alone and left behind sometimes, but is usually filled with such warmth and good, honest, open souls. But living here is intense, and the party scene does not slow down. And Burningman doesn't help out either. But it all comes down to moderation, and i've seen my involvement in the scene with a year or so of foresight, and have kept everything on cruise control, content not to go overboard, and it has treated me quite well.
Patience, moderation, simplicity, contentness, reflection, appreciation, love, peace, respect, compassion. All these apply to ourselves as well. If you love yourself like a child and treat yourself well, good things happen. Sorry to talk so much about myself, but this topic hit a chord for me and i'm always down to share my view of responsible usage.
[This message has been edited by liquidocean (edited 09 December 1999).]
I've been rolling for about 4 months now and found that moderation is definitely the key. I don't do it more often than twice enough for mainly physical reasons. That has helped me to treasure each roll more, and not allow it to control my life. I'm still in school, doing decently at it, too. Yeah I miss some classes, but no more than when I wasn't rolling. I've actually found that I care about myself and others more as well.
Basically, E opens up a whole new side of a person, you just gotta steer it in the right way.
As far as the club scene goes, yeah it's pretty superficial, but I go with some people I've come to know and love really well, and it cancels out that effect. Just do some pre-planning and you can overcome the emptiness
.
Hope everyone is having a good holiday season
pod
Basically, E opens up a whole new side of a person, you just gotta steer it in the right way.
As far as the club scene goes, yeah it's pretty superficial, but I go with some people I've come to know and love really well, and it cancels out that effect. Just do some pre-planning and you can overcome the emptiness
Hope everyone is having a good holiday season
pod
I'm trying to think of the kindest way to say this, and I think this is it:
Beans are not your life. You need to have a real life first, and then add beans to it at appropriate places. The same way one "earns" desert after eating a healthy meal.
Sorry if this sounds square, but that's how I've always looked at it.
Beans are not your life. You need to have a real life first, and then add beans to it at appropriate places. The same way one "earns" desert after eating a healthy meal.
Sorry if this sounds square, but that's how I've always looked at it.