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Has anyone here given up their DOC for the sake of their life partner and if so, was it worth it -?

TheUltimateFixx

TheUltimateFixx

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Joined
Jul 8, 2021
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.. Just what the title says. I have done MOSTLY but I still slip sometimes. On the whole I think the trade-off is 100% worth it but then there's other times when all I want is a shot and then I'm liable to switch perspective - only to invariably ending up feeling like utter shit.

Anyone else struggling with this and how do you handle it?
 
When I have ideations about full sobriety forever, the main drive is to impress someone who I love dearly. But I burnt my bridges with him due to drug use and some misbehaviour a couple years ago.

I still feel as determined as I possibly can. It’s tough. I don’t even have him as a partner, and the chances are slim I’ll ever be able to attract him as a partner again. It’s heart breaking as a cycle but I’ll always have hope.

Something about him tells me I can’t drop the gun on this one completely, ever, it’s worth being his friend at least.
 
Unless it's to prolong/enhance life, giving up because your partner wants you to, just sounds like them wanting to change you. Going into a relationship, to 'change somebody for the better' means (at least in my opinion) that the head over heels falling in love process wasn't there in the first place (I realise that I was out of order with my ex, as she worried about me having an accident, while on ketamine. Not that I would have totally given it up, but it would have had to be a compromise between her fears and my need for a drug that worked for severe phantom limb pain. With my wife, she knew as soon as we started seeing each other, but I did agree to her stipulation that I was lying down when I took it, to eliminate any potential for accidents).
 
That sounds unhealthy. I wouldn't want my partner to change me. There is a temptation to involve the SO in one's internal conflict which can lead to unrealistic expectations and counter-productive pressure. and i have succumbed to it but i try to be honest instead.

If the relationship is mature enough to ask for support, that's another matter - a more advanced and delicate process. Many people hope to achieve it but more commonly it becomes a pipe dream.

Acceptance is a prerequisite for healing and healing is the answer to addiction.
 
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fastandbulbous said:
Unless it's to prolong/enhance life, giving up because your partner wants you to, just sounds like them wanting to change you. Going into a relationship, to 'change somebody for the better' means (at least in my opinion) that the head over heels falling in love process wasn't there in the first place (I realise that I was out of order with my ex, as she worried about me having an accident, while on ketamine. Not that I would have totally given it up, but it would have had to be a compromise between her fears and my need for a drug that worked for severe phantom limb pain. With my wife, she knew as soon as we started seeing each other, but I did agree to her stipulation that I was lying down when I took it, to eliminate any potential for accidents).
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To clarify, it's less that he's 'trying to change me', it's that if he'd known I was a user from the get-go he wouldn't have entered a relationship with me in the first place. Drug use of anything other than weed was a deal-breaker for him, I knew that and still didn't fess up. In my defense I was head over heels with him, but the fact remains I essentially led him on under false pretenses and he rightfully felt betrayed.
 
Yeah, my ketamine (ab)use started after we had lived together for years. Totally my fault (she was ok about weed, stimulants & psychedelics), which I can't forgive myself for. Difficult to see through the haze (1st time I had total pain relief), at the time .
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
To clarify, it's less that he's 'trying to change me', it's that if he'd known I was a user from the get-go he wouldn't have entered a relationship with me in the first place. Drug use of anything other than weed was a deal-breaker for him, I knew that and still didn't fess up. In my defense I was head over heels with him, but the fact remains I essentially led him on under false pretenses and he rightfully felt betrayed.
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Nothing for it now but to come clean. And you have to decide which is more important to you, the relationship or the drugs. It appears that in this situation it’s either/or, you can only keep one. I guess it will depend on how much you value this relationship…
 
xtcgrrrl said:
Nothing for it now but to come clean. And you have to decide which is more important to you, the relationship or the drugs. It appears that in this situation it’s either/or, you can only keep one. I guess it will depend on how much you value this relationship…
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Oh I came clean quite awhile ago. He set me an ultimatum
 
Here, not exactly as the thread is meant I guess because I would have her 'allowance' to use my DOC (dissociatives, stimulants) at least once in a while as long as they wouldn't alter me to the worse but I moved to another country for her and while I checked legality (technically not even good old methoxetamine is banned here) realized too late that legal as in research chemicals doesn't implicate that they also let you import them. They open the packages and send them back, as somebody who never bought on street I'm essentially forced now to live abstinent. It sucks badly, not as bad as I'd thought firstly but it sucks and I keep thinking of my drugs. It's basically suppressing a part of who I am, and I agree that a partner shouldn't try to change yourself as well but here I ran out of options. Given upcoming legislative changes about RCs/legal drugs in many countries I've known this day would once come though. But it sucks deeply.
 
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Absolutely! Firstly for my wellbeing, secondly for the sake of our relationship and my relationship with my family which has improved significantly 🥰🥲
 
I'm pretty late to the party but - yes and yes. Cocaine laced with alcohol always lead me down the rabbit hole and I escalated with more and more stimulants, psychedelics and depressants. Anything besides cocaine doesn't interupts my life in that manner. But good blow opens up the room inside where all my demons reside... Never used H, meth and IV/IM /💉 route though and I hope I will never find out why IV H and coke turned many of my friends and acquaintances into corpses really fast. Speedballing to the graveyard was most popular game in town when I was a teenager (more than 20 years ago). But for me it worked well and was definitely worth it. 🙂
 
Yes. Kinda.

I believe love (or at least infatuation) is the strongest drug there is, you just have to find that right person. But when you do, that person that feels so natural and right to be around that you would do anything to never let it go.

While I couldn’t stop opiates completely I did pretty much drop a multi year IV heroin addiction overnight. Only relapse a few times after the fact, each one with more guilt than the last. Got onto a minimal dose of bupe just to try and feel normal.

Do I think people can completely change and go from hardened drug user to clean as a whistle? Probably not. It also takes understanding and forgiveness from your partner as you navigate this new terrain.

-GC
 
No...o haven't been quittt for sake of my parther.when was young and more into it,all my girlfriends never used&i didn't give him anything than weed.now like older&into prescribed meds ain' t got any negative relations with love ones or people in general...but it's addiction
 
paranoid android said:
i wish there was a dating site for drg users. i hate even talking to fucking karens who are all like omg you take drugs i cant be with you. Seriously fuck that shit why would i even wanna date anyone like that/
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Having been in a relationship with someone who didn’t understand drugs, and then with someone who did (but, like me, evolved out of the hardcore-drug-use phase,) I can definitely say that it’s far better to be with someone who understands where you’re at. The understanding and acceptance is the best!
 
I have two years clean from Methamphetamine, going on 3 years clean from opiate/opioids (I take suboxone daily though), and over 2 years sober from alcohol (not to mention benzos 2 years). I am not bragging. I am 28 and I have NO top teeth... and 9 bottom teeth that are in bad shape (don't know if I can save them). I also now have mild Asthma developed from smoking meth, weed, cigarettes, (not to mention aluminum, mercury, and inhalants). I go to a awesome outpatient service (ive been going for 3 years. I love this place, and my friends I have met there). I got sick and tired of withdrawals, of the inevitable cycle of addiction *score, search, obtain, waist 2-3 days, repeat (if the law enforcement doesn't intervene or a loved one) and that was my life. What i'm trying to say is that it is worth it regardless of a relationship with someone you love. you have to do it for yourself at some point, but for now using an external motivator cand help until you see the benefits of long-term sobriety. Seriously i am 28 (just last month), and have not one top tooth. Fuck it's not worth it. This shit will rob you of your life. I'm not preaching against using drugs. I'm preaching about living life to the fullest. I wish I had someone to get clean for.... It's hard to find a girlfriend when I have no fucking top teeth left... ya know? give it up before it fucks up your life, or worse takes it. Being in love is like a high of its own. Enjoy the feeling of connection and love and focus on that.
 
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