Has anyone ever felt like this?

[DTC]

I'm hoping if I share my problems someone might be able to at least offer some words that might make abit of sense...

I had a pritty adverage life with relationships but none of them serious. but when I was 19 I met a girl on a train... the best 2 years of my life followed, it was a long distance relationship and I'ed drive 230 mile to see her every weekend and loved every second of it, she ment EVERYTHING to me, my world revolved around her and nothing else, I was so happy with her and knew I would never find anyone like her again. she was 21 at the time, and exstally what I'ed allways wanted, mature, senseable, stunning and caring and I felt like the luckyest guy on earth with an older girlfriend who I felt so cared for with, who I could look upto in away as well. Every single time she had time off uni she would come down south to mine, and over the summmer breaks she lived with me.

then she finished with me... pritty much instantly everything went and she went off around the world, and (I found out this weekend) shes engaged to some surfer dude in Austrillia...

I'm 23 now nearly 24, and have been struggeling for the last 4 years and have turned in to a totally different person, I can't deal with any problems or tasks I have on, I've been on two different types of anti depressants, I went threw the first 2 n half years of it smoking cannabis 4-5 joints daily and taking other drugs, somehow I dont know... I managed to give them up for 7 munths when it got to a point of such desperation, and until now hadnt smoked cannabis until this weekend. I've gone from smoking 10 fags a day (when I was 19) to 30+ and its going up. I have a porn addiction and my self asteam you've prolly guessed it, is no where now.

I spent the first 2 years of all this single and It killed me to the bone I felt so lonely and the thing I wanted more than anything was someone... I at last met someone and we started going out, and for the first 1-2 munths it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my chest and I felt me again and so happy it lasted for 7 munths and I called it off, I was finding her to hard to be with. The feelings then returned of feeling orful and alone and longing for someone, I desided after afew munths to give it another try... and I'm still with her... just.

Now I find myself in this place where Im desperatly trying to stay in a relationship with this girl holding on to it knowing if im not with her, I will feel so lonely again, but at the same time shes driving me mad.

I find myself now in a place of feeling orful, so low... I find pritty girls so intimidating its untrue, but it is so fustraighting to the point where it makes me angry and I cant talk to a girl. After being faced with the problem on a rare night out (when my friend manages to perswade me to go out) I find myself getting angry almost hating myself and girls im attracted to

I'm in a hole holding on to a relationship just so I dont feel alone, hating girls I find attractive and just no light left in me...

I try to come up with different ways to look at it... to stay with this girl to make her happy like I used to be, and do it for her.

If this relationship ends witch its going to I'm going to go back to the drugs again... I know I will, as something to fill all the time I spend feeling low.

I've given up my job because of all of it, and now spend all day in bed, the only time I leave the house is to pick up my g/f from work

Recently within the last few munths I have attended counseling sessions, I've stopped contact now as it was impossible and made me feel worse due to the fact my counselor was ridiculously attractive and it made me feel worse having to sit there and look at her.

This whole thing has turned me in to an obsessed pile of S**t and its not who I am.

It feels like I'm over her, but shes left me feeling like this for what will be the rest of my life.

Just the thought of trying to find someone else who Ied be happy with fills me with an over whelming feeling of hatred and crap, but the thought of being alone is even worse...

 

[Joeof1]

Sounds to me like you need to learn to move on and accept that she's living her own life.


Honestly, you need to quit living for another person. You can not be happy in life until you learn to live for yourself and by yourself. Learn to do things to make yourself content. Drugs and anti-depressants are not the answer. This is the biggest part of becoming an adult, which is learning how to actually live your own life and keep your sanity. From what you described you are having atatchment issues and haven't matured enough yet to learn how to let go. My advice would be for you to take a trip somewhere by yourself. I don't mean just a trip to a friend or relatives house. I mean to another state or country alone. Get out and see the world some. Do that and you will look back and laugh at the first post.

Getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing new things tends to help mature you mentally and emotionally, which is what you need.

 

[shahab6]

it seems like the breakup Put you in bad depression. you need to keep yourself busy. It seems like you have too much time on your hands. And you feel lonely..
I can kind of relate, I have lots of free time in my hand, and sometimes When I'm not doing anything . I feel very lonely, and I talk to people I shouldn't.

you feel like this out of boredom.

 

[mr.buffnstuff]

Just what I was going to say, take ever social opportunity that arises. Perception is projection - i.e if you are out and dragging your heels looking down other girls will see that and stay away, if your out having a laugh and. Joke and smiling girls will naturally be more drawn to you. Wen iv come out of a reltionship I dont try to find another girl or anything, I just get on with my life. I came out of an 8 month relationship from hell! The girl was a nutter! I chose her over all my mates wen they said 'just look at her mate, your better than that' I chose her. Now thankgod shes gone. My social life is back AND out the blue almost met the most amazing woman you could ever imagine! We just met out the blue and botg fell head over heels for each other.
Being with her showed me what I thought was love must of been lust! What im saying is no matter how you fewl avout her, your still young and youll fins someone in the future, im a firm believer that love works in mysterious ways!

 

[andyclark1225]

I believe there are very few people out there that have their personalities changed by someone. Like yourself, I'm in the same boat as you. I started doing all kinds of drugs, smoking 10+ cigarettes a day. I was clever at school and I tried not to let it affect my grades but they still went down, in fact I never got to study medicine but luckily I managed to fight through it and I',m studying something just as good now. My life now has changed so much, not only was there a significant amount of drug abuse, drug dealing etc I got into some serious crime. I earned a lot of money at quite a young age, this gave everyone a bad image of me and still to this day. But if all this hadn't happened, I wouldn't have met someone else. I am a lot older now, I feel a lot more mature, I'm not with this other person but I feel I couldn't live without her. She is amazing and has such a huge influence on me and has made me a better person.

So as the saying goes "Every cloud has a silver lining"

I wish you all the best.