Mik-E_SmileZ
Bluelighter
i am going to warn you, this is just a bit of general rambling about things. you can take it for whatever you want. it is not thought out it is just stream of consciouness of things i wanted to say ATM. you can reply if you like, but i am not saying you should or need to. That being said....
It is my birthday right now, yet i am alone. i am by myself and bored beyond compare. i know i am a good person, yet it seems most relationships don't last. perhaps it is me. of course i am supposed to believe it is their loss and all, but damn! how is the majority wrong? i love to give to others, yet i get taken advantage of. i am happiest when giving, but that does not mean i do not enjoy when someone reciprocates. why do so few reciprocate without prompting? i live in a house with a large number of my friends, but out of that only one or two really knows me. sometimes i wonder who i am really. maybe others see who i am more than even i see myself. i look at the stranger in the mirror and wonder what i see. It is impossible to comprehend what others see, so why bother with it? Would life be easier if one lived alone? Where would the new experiences come from and with whom would you share it? i feel so old sometimes, i know i am not really in the comparison to everything. It is just when i am bored and alone, that i feel these demons creeping in on me. i am not sure how to vanquish them. Perhaps everyone has them. Of course we are not supposed to talk about them.
SECURITY is what is needed from without and within. they say you cannot love someone if you can't love yourself. i still never agreed with that. i feel if you love someone then you put them above yourself. you love them more than you love yourself. But why would one be upset for being alone if one didn't really love (in some small way) about one's self. another year has passed and i look back seeing how i have grown. i have made some new friends and lost some old ones. i have discovered a new side to myself, and lost touch with others. i can think back one year today to my birthday then and think of the wonderful girl i was with. how she held me at night aqnd how we talked for hours. then i think how she became cold and quiet and disappeared from my life. At least i was happy on my birthday last year. maybe it is the video game's fault for making me think the longer you play the higher your score should be. my score is lower than it was a year ago? why am i losing? maybe you have to lose for a while to win? prabably the case too bad we can't see it for all that it is. i guess if we did life would be no fun. No excitement, but at least you wouldn't have those moments of wasted time. what do i want from life. Happiness of course. what is that? i think it is the sense of security and genral satisfaction and well being. right now what it means to me, is being held while falling asleep. Until i find my happiness, i will continue the quest. i leave you in peace my borthers and sisters
PLUR
It is my birthday right now, yet i am alone. i am by myself and bored beyond compare. i know i am a good person, yet it seems most relationships don't last. perhaps it is me. of course i am supposed to believe it is their loss and all, but damn! how is the majority wrong? i love to give to others, yet i get taken advantage of. i am happiest when giving, but that does not mean i do not enjoy when someone reciprocates. why do so few reciprocate without prompting? i live in a house with a large number of my friends, but out of that only one or two really knows me. sometimes i wonder who i am really. maybe others see who i am more than even i see myself. i look at the stranger in the mirror and wonder what i see. It is impossible to comprehend what others see, so why bother with it? Would life be easier if one lived alone? Where would the new experiences come from and with whom would you share it? i feel so old sometimes, i know i am not really in the comparison to everything. It is just when i am bored and alone, that i feel these demons creeping in on me. i am not sure how to vanquish them. Perhaps everyone has them. Of course we are not supposed to talk about them.
SECURITY is what is needed from without and within. they say you cannot love someone if you can't love yourself. i still never agreed with that. i feel if you love someone then you put them above yourself. you love them more than you love yourself. But why would one be upset for being alone if one didn't really love (in some small way) about one's self. another year has passed and i look back seeing how i have grown. i have made some new friends and lost some old ones. i have discovered a new side to myself, and lost touch with others. i can think back one year today to my birthday then and think of the wonderful girl i was with. how she held me at night aqnd how we talked for hours. then i think how she became cold and quiet and disappeared from my life. At least i was happy on my birthday last year. maybe it is the video game's fault for making me think the longer you play the higher your score should be. my score is lower than it was a year ago? why am i losing? maybe you have to lose for a while to win? prabably the case too bad we can't see it for all that it is. i guess if we did life would be no fun. No excitement, but at least you wouldn't have those moments of wasted time. what do i want from life. Happiness of course. what is that? i think it is the sense of security and genral satisfaction and well being. right now what it means to me, is being held while falling asleep. Until i find my happiness, i will continue the quest. i leave you in peace my borthers and sisters
PLUR
