Well I have to go to work in about a half an hour...
I am trying to do me, but sometimes it is hard. It's hard enough when I am trying to take customer's drink orders and all their drunk asses can do is talk about what they think my pussy tastes like. And a lot of the employees are the same way too. I almost want to quit my job because of it. They think it's okay to slap my ass and ask me to get a motel with them after work all the time. And now my manager is in on it too... the other day some of the cooks were screaming how they want to go in the back room and fuck, and then my manager came in and said, "Shut the fuck up, I told you guys to leave her alone, she's mine! You can have any other one but her, Brittany's mine!" and he said it in front of everyone too, so now all the other girls that work there are acting funny toward me because they think that my manager and I have something going on! It's so embarrassing! And it's not like I can be like, "he's the one coming on to me, I don't want anything to do with him!" because what if it gets back to him.....
so I'm nervous about going into work today. I'm sick of this shit! It is really starting to make me hate men!!
And I have a lot of anxiety... I've noticed this since I've kicked dope. My face will turn beat red all the time over nothing. The smallest things will make me embarrassed. Well it doesn't help that all the guys at work treat me like I'm a fucking object. I can't wait until I meet a good guy around here...
When I got home last night my Uncle was drunk across the street so I talked to him. Well, he made me cry. He kept talking about how my Father has done all the things he's done for me because he wanted me to have a better life than they had. Yes, I do feel bad. When my Mother was removed from the house a while ago, there was a lot of things my Dad should have done and could have done. This is something that has bothered me for a while. But now I realize that it is not all about me. I put myself in my Father's shoes and I realize that he was in a relationship, he was hoping for her to get better. I understand this now...
In the past, if you didn't do heroin then I didn't want anything to do with you. I really need to try to get rid of that mindset. At work I was talking with this girl, and she was telling me how she doesn't do drugs. So I was thinking, "Well she doesn't do drugs so I'm not hanging out with her then." But then I had to really sit back and think... I mean yeah, it would be great if I could meet a connection... but would it really? I don't want to disappoint my Father anymore and hurt him... but I feel awkward around all the "goody goody" girls. I really need to change something here...
Our Father, which art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done,
in earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
[For thine is the kingdom,
the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
I am trying to do me, but sometimes it is hard. It's hard enough when I am trying to take customer's drink orders and all their drunk asses can do is talk about what they think my pussy tastes like. And a lot of the employees are the same way too. I almost want to quit my job because of it. They think it's okay to slap my ass and ask me to get a motel with them after work all the time. And now my manager is in on it too... the other day some of the cooks were screaming how they want to go in the back room and fuck, and then my manager came in and said, "Shut the fuck up, I told you guys to leave her alone, she's mine! You can have any other one but her, Brittany's mine!" and he said it in front of everyone too, so now all the other girls that work there are acting funny toward me because they think that my manager and I have something going on! It's so embarrassing! And it's not like I can be like, "he's the one coming on to me, I don't want anything to do with him!" because what if it gets back to him.....
so I'm nervous about going into work today. I'm sick of this shit! It is really starting to make me hate men!!
And I have a lot of anxiety... I've noticed this since I've kicked dope. My face will turn beat red all the time over nothing. The smallest things will make me embarrassed. Well it doesn't help that all the guys at work treat me like I'm a fucking object. I can't wait until I meet a good guy around here...
When I got home last night my Uncle was drunk across the street so I talked to him. Well, he made me cry. He kept talking about how my Father has done all the things he's done for me because he wanted me to have a better life than they had. Yes, I do feel bad. When my Mother was removed from the house a while ago, there was a lot of things my Dad should have done and could have done. This is something that has bothered me for a while. But now I realize that it is not all about me. I put myself in my Father's shoes and I realize that he was in a relationship, he was hoping for her to get better. I understand this now...
In the past, if you didn't do heroin then I didn't want anything to do with you. I really need to try to get rid of that mindset. At work I was talking with this girl, and she was telling me how she doesn't do drugs. So I was thinking, "Well she doesn't do drugs so I'm not hanging out with her then." But then I had to really sit back and think... I mean yeah, it would be great if I could meet a connection... but would it really? I don't want to disappoint my Father anymore and hurt him... but I feel awkward around all the "goody goody" girls. I really need to change something here...
Our Father, which art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done,
in earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
[For thine is the kingdom,
the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
