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Hadn't IV'd Heroin since 1986. What was I thinking!

F

ferrita

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2009
Messages
94
Yeah I kicked a really bad Heroin Habit in 1986.....That is not a typo. Im older then blazes. lol. So a friend comes over and I was in massive pain and could hardly walk. Waiting to get into the Pain Doc. And I was looking at this gorgeous g of smack and my jaws were watering. And I was thinking maybe it would put me out of pain. excuses excuses.....................

So I says, Hey you got any rigs? YEP. Well hand me one............and just like I had never forgotten how to do it, it was a done deal...........and man oh man did it feel good.............I mean good...................amazing all these years later and and its just as easy and it feels just as good.

What a fucking dumbass I am. I will never do it again. All those years thrown down the tubes. And he left me the G. I could throw it away, but I am not gonna. I am gonna keep it. WHen I Quit a 5 year habit before. I kept a few gs to teach myself to say no. To resist. This time won't be nearlhy so hard, but damn I want to kick my ass. Almost 50 years old and still havent learned my lessons. What a hell of a lesson to learn.
 
Hey man, while it does kinda suck that you gave in, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. I can understand that you feel bad about what you did, but it doesn't mean that all your hard work has gone down the drain!

Now, if you continue using from here, then that will be really bad....
But there is absolutely no reason why you need to use again. With 24 years of being clean, you know you can continue to resist the temptation.

Do you honestly think you can hold on to what your friend left you without using it?? Because if you have even the slightest feeling that it's going to be too hard to resist it when it's right there in your house, you should get rid of it now.

Did you end up going to the pain doc for your usual meds?
 
You always need to be on your guard against relapse from heroin, no matter how many years have passed. So you've had another good close look at the tiger, no harm done, whether you grab his tail or not again is up to you. Remember his teeth...?
 
relapsing is part of the recovery process. to go 24 years without stumbling is a pretty enormous effort in my books....and something to be very proud of.
 
yea 24 years clean and i lapse is totally fine you got no reason to feel bad about shit unless u start doing it again. EIther way quit while your ahead cuz you obviously know the deal and how slippery the slope is and the road probably doesnt sound to good.
get some mild pain meds if thats an issue and u feel comfortable with that.
 
That's heroin/morphine/dilaudid for you. I haven't used in years, but when a family member was hospitalized this year, I happened to be in the room when the nurse came to give her morphine. I had to leave the room, the craving that it triggered was scary.
 
Oh I had to use it all...........it took a few days and I swear it took hours to post the original post inbetween the nod............Damn but I love that nod.......but. I am not doing anymore. Had my little binge............it was amazing......could be too too too easy to slip back into. At least I recognized it. I am a bit hard on myself because I have beat so many addictions. and this one was the longest.......second longest was cocaine in the 80s right after the heroin; 8th a day and sometimes more.............then came the booze..... quart of jose quervo a day. I'dn wake up and swig it out of the bottle...........did that for years. Bartended for years and got sick of drunks. Lived with one...........it blew. I quit. and the only habit I have not is cigarettes.

I do go to pain management. I went, I got my meds. I did the right thing, but man I was pain free on that H.........first time in years. thats okay, I would rather have some pain that to go through ct h wds again. it was brutal. thanks for the replies. I told my friend not to ever bring that shit over again......... lol ever and sorry bout the double post earlier. I didnt even realize this post made it in here. I was high as fuck..........sorry bought that
 
Man I miss those days of schwin sting rays, wheel 0's silly putty playing jacks shooting marbles............and then came drugs.........I miss those days too. but at lesat i have a good pm doc. no more h for me it felt toooo damn good
 
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