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H Withdrawal Soon/Chronic Pain & Health Problems/We Can Do It!

Sockseye said:
ABW, I hear ya when you talk about that point in wd where, to me, it's also the make or break point. That is also the tough time for me as well. I just have no interest in anything and all my worries come back ten-fold. I'm already a wreck physically, and the mental suffering part becomes such a strain. I have decided to try to take my meds every other day. I'm hoping that will help keep my dose lower. Taking the large amount I have been doesn't help extra pain relief-wise, and just makes the wd that much worse when I do run out. And I always run out. One thing I've noticed is that when my dose is lower, everything seems so much more "alive" in the world. It's hard to explain, but colors are more vibrant and things are more interesting etc. I don't know. Maybe I'm just imagining things. I hope you guys are all hanging in there another day
Xoxo
Click to expand...
Omg YES, where you talk about lower dose and everything being so much more ALIVE. It's true. Isn't it strange, how, when on it, you don't FEEL like your mind is fuzzy or dulled, but once you come off or even substantially lower your dose, you see so clearly that yes, indeed, you have been living in a world of....like, soft-focus? Lol.

It's true.

How are you hanging in there with your every other day routine? That's tough. I know, I always think, if I could get down to where I take something on exceptionally bad or busy (=I will pay for it later because it's more than I can physically handle) days, and never take in a row enough that wd would creep in, that would be ideal.

I'm not sure if I'm capable. Not yet anyway. Maybe one day, far away from my final quit.

Because the longer I go, the easier it is to break that habitual aspect, where routine revolves around it.

How are you feeling today, hon? I hope you are well, in mind and body. Sending much love to you. Xoxoxoxo
 
Hey ABW, I'm hanging in there. It's my on day today and I actually feel worse than yesterday off day. So I took more which I seem to have less self control about when I've already had some. You know what I mean?
I've been taking lope on my off days to help me through wd symptoms and it really helps me. This rainy weather has my arthritis and back screaming at me, so that always pushes me to take more than originally planned. Oh well- life ya know. It's weird, I do not feel fuzzy at all, even when I take heroic amounts, I just feel right. Like I'm me, if that makes since. I just don't feel like myself when I'm not on opiates.
Kinda like what Shroomy has been saying. I really know what he means. I've been on opiates since my early 20's and that's where I was like- this is how I should feel! I've got a lot of pain issues but also ptsd and bipolar 2. It helps everything. When I was on h, that was when I felt like my most real self. It's hard to explain.
Physically it's been a drag, my ra is flared up, but my mood is good still. I've been trying to concentrate on my hobbies, and have some fun.
Much love to all you guys- I find strength through you all.
Xoxo
Socks
 
Hi ABW!
i wanted to check in on you... see how you're doing. I'm sorry but can u remind me- are you trying to quit H and opioids or are u trying to cut down your use to a more "normal" dose?
Whichever it is, I support you so much. It's so hard. Especially when chronic pain is a factor. Do any meds actually work for you? I find pain meds, although fun of course, only mask the pain or make it so I don't care. In some ways they don't really solve my issues... even though they do make the pain bearable, which is good.

But having chronic pain an no meds is very scary... it makes quitting ever so daunting.

You seem very nice, smart and really caring. I'm so happy you started this positive thread. ... So many are coming here for kind support and understanding. So thank you for opening this particular door for is like -minded and like-suffering people to come and chat.

Has anyone heard from Rachella? I Hope she's ok. Rachella, if you read this- we are all waiting for you so we can give you virtual hugs! We've all been through super hard stuff. You aren't alone. This board will give you a lot if support. So, if you're out there and readungbstuff here, we are here and welcome you back to join us so we can support you. :)

Im waiting for my script now. I'll have to give some back to my husband since he got his last week and i took 50 of them. My plan is - I'm gonna buy Kratom and use that some days as replacement for my Oxys. If I do that, I think I can make my pills last until a week before my husband fills (3weeks from now). If I can only have one week of withdrawal, I'll be thrilled.
so that's my plan! Wish me luck!!

i hope everyone else is doing ok and will check in. Happy Thurs- it's almost the weekend!!
(((Hugs))) to all!
sasha
 
Sasha, don't even read my response to the mothers day PM you sent me. Please, I read your other PM and couldn't respond because your message box is full. Just delete it and don't even read it. I hope you see this before you read that shit. I had a message explaining myself and then it wouldn't go through. I read the mother's day one first.
 
Hey everyone, you are all in my thoughts. Been a bit crazy here with my drunk, abusive husband.

....Just gonna use it as more fuel to make these very difficult changes. It might be difficult, but not as difficult as imagining spending the rest of my life with such a seriously worthless piece of shit. And man, am I one to try *so hard* NEVER to judge, or be cruel even when others kinda have it coming (I understand that people are not perfect, that they have pain, that this impacts them, so I tend to forgive, and if really unbearable, I just walk away. Because I'm married, my health isn't good, and his abuse just makes it worse, and I moved with him across the country away from any connections I have in the dumbest move I've ever made, it has been severely challenging to just walk away. I almost died working my last job because I got so sick), because I don't feel the need 99.9% of the time to do what karma already will take care of of necessary, and also I would rather do without the drama of it - walking away is the better choice in the vast majority of situations.

But, I will say without one doubt that he's one of the absolute biggest pieces of shit roaming the earth. He's a horrible human being, whom even optimistic and empathetic me cannot find anything remotely redeeming about. Not even once in a while. No; he's literally ALWAYS, ALWAYS just a complete piece of sub-human garbage, always creating more drama and bullshit, never taking responsibility for his actions, blaming any and every one and thing he can think to, even for being on the receiving end of drunken abuse that literally appears unprovoked, out of the blue.

No more "Mr Nice Guy" from me.

I finally have a real diagnosis, I finally have some valuable tools for managing my health, and though he will try to sabotage me every step of the way as always, I'm so ready to walk away from this repulsive little bitch. What a coward.

I will stop in as soon as I can and write something other than a disgusted steam of consciousness.

I soooo want to thank you guys for theiincredibly kind things you said about/to me; really, thank you. So much. I'm so touched :) And it couldn't have come at a better time either. This is going to be a long weekend with him.

But I got this.

I got this. And if I can do this, you guys can reach your goals, too. I promise. You are all so intelligent and strong.

Sending you so very much love, and wishes of strength, hope, joy, and peace.

Xoxoxoxo

And I've PMed Rachella a couple of times, now. No response. I sure hope she's ok....

Xo
 
How is everyone today? Hope you all got through the day ok.
It's definitely been a rocky one for me. Bad back problem on top of usual pain issues. Don't know if I should bother with seeking medical attention or just grit my teeth and hope for the best. I know what they would say: nothing we can do- not a good candidate for surgery- but you're already taking medication- etc etc. I'm so sick of it.
Oh well enough bitching.
Xo
 
I'm in withdrawal and my husband is pissed at me. Uh this sucks. I hope everyone is doing better than me. Much love to you. Xoxox
 
That's the worst feeling. Like time doesn't move and you feel horrible. Any chance you can get anything to make yourself more comfortable? I hate to hear you going thru this.
Have you tried loperamide? I'm taking more than the recommended dose, but not huge amounts and it is staving off most my wd symptoms. I highly recommend it if you are able to get some.
I hope this passes quickly and you start to feel better
Xoxo
 
I'm a chronic pain patient trying to taper down (for 7 years!) to my prescribed oxy dose. I'm a greenlighter but been a longtime reader of bluelight. Isn't everyone?! Is there an unspoken rule to ignore greenlighters. I've shared a lot (personal too) multiple times on a tapering thread & been ignored. No replies or welcomed by the other folks on there, so thought I'd try & feel out a different thread or two today. Maybe I should just post in New members again.. (i should say however, I did make one great friend that is amazingly awesome & I would trade all the acquaintances in the world for!) Anyway, I'm trying to taper so I don't run out my meds every month. I've already pretty majorly missed the mark on Day 4 of having my script. One of the issues I have is that I consistently am compelled to take enough that I can physically function with my chronic pain. I want relief. I want to be able to not just lay in bed in pain. I want to do the dishes & be able to walk down the block. I wonder sometimes what portion of my high dosing is about the oxy making me feel euphoric or if it's the natural consequences of pain cessation (relief: backing off).
ShroomySatori, I think your own is good! Hope you can stick to it; unlike me. I admit on day 4 I am still choosing basking in the glow of the rebound effect & destroying my tolerance in the process.
 
Hey Everlasting. I think this is a good thread to meet some new people. Everyone hanging around here is pretty nice.

Welcome :)
 
I think I'm almost done with the worst of it. I can't really get any money either. So I'm going to be forced clean, I think. But holy shit, this sucks. I'm so fucking weak and can barely walk. Tell me this will pass :(

I hope everyone is hanging in there.

Love to you.

Love to you, Rachella. Still thinking of you.

Xoxoxoxo
 
Oh man. If I can do this, even forced somewhat lol, you can, too. This fucking sucks. It SUCKS. IT. SUCKS. lol I'm laughing so I don't cry or scream, I guess....

But seriously. This connective tissue disorder leaves me dislocated all over all the time. This CTD causes both acute and chronic pain.

I managed to accidentally figure out how to pop my spine back into place so that's helpful.

I can barely walk. right now but it HAS to get better. I hope soon.

Keep your head up guys. Much love. Xoxox

Edit. Oh my God out feels like I'm wearing a300lb suit
 
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Hi ABW- I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Are there other meds u can take to help that aren't narcotic ? Connective tissue disorders are terribly painful. I'm thinking of u hon. I hope you get some relief soon. I'm thinking of Rachella too. I hope she checks in and sees how much we all care. I really hope she's ok. Well I've gone through my Oxys fast this month... but if im Not a jerk, at this point I can get high once a day (maybe twice oover the weekend.... maybe) until next Wed or Thurs and then I'll be in withdrawal for *only* a week. That was my goal since usually it's 2 or 2.5 weeks and it's too much for me. It's gonna be very hard for me to only get high in a very controlled manner. I hope I can do it. I'm taking Kratom as a substitute and I have 5 tramadols and 3.5 norcos (they're only 5mgs but they may help a little). In a few days I'll have a little embeda too... so I can use those to help me not get high during the day. And I have benzos, muscle relaxors etc to help me at night.I hope I can do it. I don't want to let myself down. Although I only have two pills a day for this week and one a day for next week. So dumb of me.It'll be tempting to say fuck it and take the few I put aside next week since it's so little.. But having even one pills day next week to take before work, would help me mentally - and technically this is turning into a taper. I've never been able to do one... but maybe I will this month and it'll make my week without not too bad. We will see. ORMy other option is maybe I should finish my oxy pills this Friday, use the weekend for withdrawal (I gotta work on weekdays) , and next week use my tramadol, those couple of norcos, and the embeda... that would get me through next week. And then I'd have that next weekend for withdrawal and I'd get pills that thurs. That sounds like a better plan since I won't have the few oxys hanging around for me to obsess over. I dunno. I'll think about it. I wish I didn't let myself down. If I could've saved more pills, it wouldn't be this hard to decide if I could stretch my pills for another full week.I hope this makes sense.Anyway enough about meand my dumb pills. I hope everyone is ok. Sorry I haven't posted much- I've been super busy. Sending everybody love!!Sasha
 
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Don't say "enough about me and my dumb pills", c'mon girl, you know we understand! Lol. You know we do.

I ended up getting a teeny bit just now and something shitty happened, though I can kind of laugh at myself. I guess. I'm just trying to get through this. I will arrive at compete sobriety from this soon enough. Just softening the edges. Holy shit this is physically hard. Mentally I'm somewhat ok now. I'm ok enough anyway. Not great but ok enough.

But I never throw up in wd for some reason. My mother, in pain management, does. I hardly throw up period, at all. I can't force myself to throw up either. I'll wretch but that's it . Dry heave eventually.

Anyway, I snorted and it hit the back of my throat and gagged me. I *do* get a bit "gaggy" during wd sometimes though. So it gagged me. Then I dry heaved. Then tried to get my breath and calm my body down but nope lol. It was coming lol. So I puked a few times, out the side of my car

Lovely.

And classy.

Jeez.

Hope everyone is ok.
Xoxoxoxo
 
If any of you have taken kratom successfully and wouldn't mind pm.ing me as I am looking online.....thank you :)
 
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