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H Withdrawal Soon/Chronic Pain & Health Problems/We Can Do It!

You know, truth is the only reason I even want to cut down to avoid running out. So I guess what I really really want is for the doc to write a prescription that would equal my habit or for me to win the Lottery lol.
 
Swim has been hooked on Norcos and He and went through hell getting off. Suboxone worked miracles but that has a withdrawal process that isn't exactly comfortable even with a taper. Xanax helps a lot. The hardest thing to do that helps tremendously is to force yourself to workout. Gym whatever it helps. You just have to be past the first day or two of complete sickness. After that you just have that collapsing feeling in your stomach and complete uncomfortableness. I would advise against methadone. I have friends that went that route and can't live without it.
 
Hey guys about 24 hours in fir me now. How are you all holding up? Hi to the new people, I'll try to write more later. Ugh this sucks. But.

No. No but. This just sucks lol.

And I agree, SKR, with the "if you haven't killed yourself yet...." No joke.

My love to you all Xoxoxoxo

Edit, Sasha, saying you'd eat apill off the ground... Once in wd I ate two tramadols I found on the ground.... Outside. Lol. Found 22 somas too. That was awesome lol
 
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwe10iDlFQo

Aphex Twin, Vordhosbn, fan video, I think they are going through withdrawal lol.... Seriously....lol

Edit. Have 15mg oxy left, took 15mg last night. To stop the screaming nerves. Already want to take rest but know it will only get worse. I know I need to save it. Ugh.....

Edit. Hour later, it's in my mouth..... Derp.

Edit. Took every bit of willpower I had to spout out half of it, all gooey because it's those plastic time release ones. It was a 30mg. I ate half of it in the wee hours of the morning, very wee hours. I sucked on what was left just now hoping to trick my brain maybe. But I spit the rest out. It's nasty looking lol. But I *will* put that blob back in my mouth at some point lol.

Edit. Can someone just give me a sponge bath please? I don't want to stand in the shower lol. I'm so gross though. I really need to force myself into the shower. I'm all sticky from being cold and sweaty at once. Thank GOD its bright outside. What a HUGE DIFFERENCE weather makes. I reallyneed to move back to the desert, that really helped. I used to wonder at times if I truly had arthritis in the desert, because flare ups weren't as bad. But here, damp on this shore, by the (beautiful) ocean, I can confirm I HAVE ARTHRITIS. FO SHO lol I gots the itis lol
 
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Pease don't say you need to "man up" Trevor. Things like that....men don't talk enough about how they feel. They get told to "man up". Life is hard. Sending you love. Xoxox
 
I gave up on pain management doctors here in FL. Don't know how I'll get by but I'm not that worried about it. Suicide is not something that runs in my family although I wouldn't rule it out if I was suffering enough. Yes I realize I'm branded an addict but I don't really care. The way they are clamping down on opioids more and more I figure I may as well forget about them anyway. I'm not judging but heroin is not for me even if I could find someone. I'm sure it's great. I'm a retired DOD civilian database specialist. I don't have to worry what my boss or the military over them think about me anymore. To me, there is nothing more precious than the freedom to not be beholden to ideologies. I hate having to kiss up to people to survive. You'll find a way.
 
I wish all of you going through withdrawal all the best. My prayers are with you. You are strong, you can do it. I do understand the pain, physical and for some of us emotional. I am a chronic pain patient in Florida. I want to get off the stuff, but I guess not enough. As I type this I'm getting ready to inject yet again. I started this journey after numerous surgeries in the last few years with prescriptions. I have cut down on the opiates, but through rcs into the mix to make my choice last longer. Now mixing and injecting is the ticket. I went through withdrawal once, got through 5 days and it was time for the pain doctor and a new script. This 60 year old couldn't wait to pick it up at the pharmacy and get it in my system. Pulled over on the side of the road to get it into my body. 2 years ago if anyone had said I would be like this I would have laughed at them. Now I live my days thinking about when I can do it again, and hiding it from my family who I live with. I have noticed that everyone is driving me nuts. I have realized it can't be all of them. It is me and the drugs. Don't know how much longer I can do this, but don't know if I can ever stop. Hang in there all of you who are strong enough. You can do it. Just be brave.
 
Day 3. All I can muster right now is that I'm sending you guys much love. Life is not easy. Xoxox Peace.

Edit. Feel free to stick around, you guys. :)
 
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Hi a better way ! Hang in there ! You can get through this shi*y time! I know you can. I also know Fridays are busy for you from previous posts.....please RESIST .....i have to say I messed up yesterday day four ....had to meet clients Wednesday and Thursday. I was a mess, met my hook up and got 20 , 10/325 mg Oxy s. That was at 10 AM Wednesday....now 2:15 Thursday I only have 13 left.......my next PM Doctor appt. Is next Wednesday......i am SOL. Beating myself up for being such a looser.....i had 4 days but could not deal with the pain. I feel a little better but feel awful....smytill could not sleep last night, kept thinking how i let myself down, and felt shamful that my pattner would find out.......ofcourse he suspected...when I use now my eyes ate a dead giveaway. They sink in, pupils are pinpoint..... lovely pic huh?! My Mother told me every time I give in and use it is like slapping G*d in the face..that really made me feel good. :(. Anyhow .....i am greatful for this site. Does anyone think I can taper with only 13 pills left? I really do not want my refills next week. I am killing myself and my family. I am a very fortunate 45 y/o male. Great business, family, friends, I am throwing all that away on these evil pills. People say there must be a reason why you are using......i say....hmm if you were as chronically sick as I was for seven years , on and off of iv' s and other chemo meds that made you feel horrible, then you had a legitimate accident and were prescribed oxycodone for 3 years and going how easy could you stop? Thank G*d my illness is in remission for now. I need to get off these pain meds.
Love and HOPE to all my fellow addicts , you are not alone. No matter who you are , where you have been, what you have or do not have.....it does NOT matter! .This addiction sucks ! ! It is sn equal opportunity ! Please be well . THX, Trevor
 
I hear you. I'm going nuts trying to cop and fucking NO ONE IS RESPONDING OMG. I'm such a moron.

I'm so glad you are in remission babe.

Try to write more later. I'm so weak rn. I'd give almost anything not to feel this way...xoxox sending love
 
ABW , hang on tight girl! You know this sh*t will pass! Please don't give in. Don't listen to that stupid addict voice. This is temporary right ! It is. We deserve a better way of life than this. No pun intended.....well mb a little. Be safe! Love and HOPE to you sister! XO, Trevor
 
Don't do it ! You will regret it as I am now........please take your doggie for a little walk even though you don't want to move. She will love it. :) hang tight!
 
Was it Trevor who asked for my youtube link about health supplements and the acute withdrawal process etc?

Sorry I forget. Anyways just pm me if you'd like it. I am trying hard to cut back. Not quit... just cut back before I start shooting up. I haven't used anything at all today and it is my birthday. I'm sniffing a 50mg dose before my birthday dinner but I've been sick since the morning. Not fun. And there are several hours to go until I am allowing myself to use.

Tapering in ways like this is the only way that ever actually works for me. Going cold turkey drives me fucking insane but if I limit myself to only certain times of the day and an overall daily dose, I do much better and my chronic health problems are not exacerbated so much. I keep a journal as well with these columns: Time / Dose / Reason for Using

This has helped me see the reasons why I use as well... fuck I'm sick right now though. Awful aching muscles and bones in my arms. Tapering is still really shitty... nothing like cold turkey though. I can't handle CT at ALL.
 
ABetterWay said:
Pease don't say you need to "man up" Trevor. Things like that....men don't talk enough about how they feel. They get told to "man up". Life is hard. Sending you love. Xoxox
Click to expand...

I agree with this. I am often hard on myself this way but I am a man. A very sensitive man, yes they exist lol. This shit is really hard for pretty much anyone to deal with. It's not about manning up it's about finding what works for you whether it's locking yourself to a bed in an empty room, slowly tapering off and measuring your daily doses and only taking them at certain times of the day while keeping a log and finding what % to decrease by each week (that's what I do), or something like subs or methadone... you have to keep exploring options until you find something that works for you. It's not necessarily a no pain no gain thing here because if it was I'd go cold turkey and that does not work for me at all. I always consistently relapse as soon as I can. I need to slowly wean down my dose with an opiate, and I just choose to do it with heroin while keeping a log as opposed to a longer acting one like methadone or subs. I just use what got me into this mess in the first place. Fuckin heroin and oxy's, dilly's too I suppose. Still love the shit.

I blew through my oxy script in record time this month. It amounts to over a gram of oxycodone, and I used it in 5 days. Still, I didn't achieve the high I wanted at all until I sniffed 40mg of diacetylmorphine which completely rocked me after 10 day break from it... several days of total CT and then getting my oxy script and abusing it. I've had the needle in mind but some people here talked me down from it. Not the right thing for me to do at this point, I'd better get my H use under control, eventually cut it out switch back to oxy and taper off with percocets like I did last year until I freaked out and relapsed months in.
 
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Happy Birthday Shroomy!
This to shall pass! We are all in a temporary frame right now. I wish you a bright and healthy year! You deserve it! We all do.

I guess I just like being a victim after a seven year illness and loosing five super close friends and family members. Then I had an accident three years ago while still undergoing chemo (four ivs a day) home nurse ...etc....ugh.....and was prescribed oxycodone green 15 mgs 4 xs a day... yay. All was happy then! Forgot about even being sick! .....thank God I am in remission since last June but bow hooked on oxys....doc has me on 10/325 3 x a day.....that sucks last a week and I am buying shit from dealers. WTF how did this happen? Enough.....i am 45 run my own successful company, cars, house paid for ....it doent matter. I feel like shit and it is the oxy!.
I wish EVERYONE sobriety one day. Love and HOPE !
 
I am 29, I have already hit rock bottom from this. I had my own country home in my early 20's, a 70k starting engineer job, a girl, a grow op that was actually fucking sick all I did was smoke or vape weed and I would basically vaporize my 6 plants to myself, repeat, lol... but I hurt my spine, and I couldn't tend to my plants, I couldn't work, I couldn't do anything. Had to stop all my athletics as well and I was around 220lb so I went down to 130 to 150 or so. Haven't dabbed any shatter since September because I ran myself broke spending every penny on raw #4 dope.

Waited two years for pain clinic to finally give me a call. First thing they did was urine sample but I had smoked opium that morning, done heroin, oxy's, and benzos they said I tested clean I'll never understand but I got my script.

Now I don't really have anything, I just try to scrape enough money together for my next hit. Moved on from oxy to heroin... oxy doesn't satisfy me at all anymore unless maybe it was an OC 80mg. I get raw dope chipped off a key and measure it out with a mg scale so this way I can taper by using slightly lower doses each time. If I can ever get myself to commit to that. It's tough when I am so functional on the drugs for instance on opiates I will do hours of yoga a day and get up to close to 200 pounds from it. Without opiates I don't do anything, even after acute withdrawal I am incapable of exercising. The only time I've held a job after hurting my back has been when I was consistently using dope.

There is a lot going on here more than just the pain as well that is driving me insane. I have BPD, and panic attacks most every day although I am on benzos for those since I kept showing up at the ER thinking I was dying. Couldn't think straight... by the time I calmed down enough I was dependent on them. All of this shit has ruined my life, but I'll get high and enjoy a nice birthday dinner tonight. I am going on 6 years of straight use now and nobody has noticed a thing. I don't get it... I get compliments when I'm high. Like "you're doing something right, whatever it is, it's working" like if only they knew what it was that makes me happy and functional. People have this image of a slumped over "junkie" but that is more myself when I'm NOT high. When I'm high, I function on a higher level than ever before in my life, even before my injury. Makes it tough to stop.

I'm presently just looking for part time work to get myself back into the work force and work towards my career again since I'll be able to afford my habit, and tapering off it. If I were to use oxy's illicitly acquired to taper off my oxy dose which is at least 4 times higher than I am scripted, I'd need serious cash flow just to taper and feel crummy all the time. I feel trapped, and the back pain 7 or 8 years after my initial injury is as extreme as it ever was.

Thanks for the happy birthday friend.

Also, after I endured those horrible 10 days I wanted to get high right away. At first, my relief was lasting 6 hours or longer but I didn't space my doses out. As a result, I'm back where I started a few days later. I am spacing out my doses by a lot now and when I dose in my journal there better be a good reason for it. By that I mean "bday dinner with family and little bro, can't be sick" as opposed to "topping up my high from an hour ago". I always include the reason for using in my logbook.

Diary of a Drug Fiend is a great book to read while you are kicking, by Aleister Crowley. I really enjoyed it and it gave me some cognitive techniques for beating the shit (that's where my journal idea originated. Also, if you are a man and like me have had sex drive issues since opiates reduce testosterone - exercise if you can manage it will fix this. When I started doing yoga mine came back with a vengeance haha. Since exercise will increase testosterone production, also maca root powder is a really good supplement to take for your hormone balance that can get fucked up by opiate abuse. I don't know about women but as a guy I become crazy horny in withdrawal, sometimes, like it's all over the place back and forth a total mess. Whereas, if I am heavily abusing, I will not be interested in women while using. The trick for me was to start working out through yoga on a near-daily basis. I have also found that the withdrawal symptoms have subsided due to this. I feel that I have rebooted my natural endorphin system from working out so hard - my natural pain relievers are more apt to kick in when I hit withdrawal hard. I also feel that it's a short-lived effect and after a few days, I start hurting really bad. So I feel, it's just a feeling but I really think there is a basis to it, that exercise minimizes withdrawal symptoms and helps get through the first few days in particular, and longer if you can keep it up in withdrawal (I can't... I get too sick to exercise). And, I am now horny again on a daily basis lol, while still abusing heavily on and off.

Yeah man that's a good point eh. Doesn't matter if you are a fucking millionaire or whatever whoever you are, being hooked on this is torture and every day we risk overdose or death. It's a miserable way of life. I am lucky not to have overdosed yet after sniffing heroin for so long... I like my connect for the raw. It doesn't matter though. I could OD tonight when I sniff my 40 milligrams I just weighed out.
 
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Happy Birthday, baby doll :) My ex and my mom are both Taurus :) Antsy Aries here. ;)

They responded but it will be a while. Uh. I'm so dumb. I'm not wanting to go into full time use, just feel decent for an hour or two.

But. I'm an idiot. So.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Oh just kill me lol. Please. Have mercy lol.
 
Hang in there Shroomy !
I had to laugh when you said people dont notice when you're high! I get the same response at business meetings, events, etc.....i do not feel 'normal' when I am not taking oxys......i just want to lock myself in my house and close all the Drapes and have it nice and dark , turn the ac down, phones off, etc.. and listen to depressing music from my youth, the cure, morrisey, new order, depeche mode.....great music especially when you are depressed... ugh! LOL.

Listen !! I am a little older than you....so please listen,.. as an older Brother would tell you .....YOU have self worth and deserve the best!

Have a great Birthday! Tomorrow is a new day . :) all the best my friend!
 
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