Guest in my life

[johnlesliemackie]

I love the earthly subsistence -- its vivid serenity and experiential simplicity, rooted in rustic communion with the soil, the living creatures of the forest, the few people you meet; but during my younger years i always felt an oppressive intellectual duty which drove me away from this idea, away from the communion, into the human hive's most naked, evil, stressful loneliness; my destiny expelled me from life's simple beauty, ejected me out to the hollow diversity of the world, broadened my consciousness to such a degree that the distance to my actual life grew larger and larger: i've walked in the fringes of existence, rootless, escaping and seeking death at the same time, lost in the artifical outer and primal inner passions: a guest in my own life.

Peculiar how the feeling of safety broadens its reach, reaching my body — object to so many sorrows, a body that without doubt is fixed in a state of dissolution, its form merely affirmed by the reflections from the mirror, a vague and floating gestalt, hoovering between past and present, silently uniting with both: the self now given an ether-like existence, while a soundness is carried by my breath as i stare into the blue void. Beyond the mirror of emptiness, the essence to my earthly being is thoroughly transformed so that this constructed reality — conditioned by the unique and mundane — evolves into a mirror reflection at once projecting the inner and outer, as if both merged into one.

Edit: last paragraph is new

 

[johnlesliemackie]

Still no response? Currently working on a continuation.

 

[herbavore]

Keep it coming. Lots of people are reading (views) but may not have anything specific to say (post). Don't let that discourage you. I feel the same way towards the tug away from humans. I particularly like the sentence that begins "beyond the mirror of emptiness".

 

[JahSEEuS]

tbf, if you are looking for responses or constructive criticism it helps to either preface the writing with that or put it in the thread title.

I find this idea quite interesting.

but during my younger years i always felt an oppressive intellectual duty which drove me away from this idea, away from the communion, into the human hive's most naked, evil, stressful loneliness

Intrigued by the intellectual duty you speak of and how it drove you away from the communion. How you feel that the human hive is separate from nature or what you are trying to get at it.

the idea of some duality is intriguing at the end.