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Gruesome/Violent/Dark Thoughts While on Dissociatives?

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eljapoppo56

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2011
Messages
27
Sorry if this question has already been posted , but i can't find good information on this anywhere.

I can't find the page anymore, but i was reading about ketamine addiction a while ago and i read something interesting. It said that ket addicts get addicted to the "dark/evil" side of the high. I've never done ketamine so i don't really know what it's like, but i've dipped into dxm and nitrous a little bit so i have an idea. anyways, one night i had a cough and "accidentally" drank too much syrup and started to trip a little bit. since i was in this mindset, i experimented to see if i could get pleasure out of dark thoughts. to my surprise, dark thoughts were really easy to think of- and somewhat pleasurable in a fucked up way. For example, i imagined a scene in my head with blenders filled with organs and body parts and other really gruesome bloody thoughts. For some reason they were kind of fun to imagine until i reminded myself i was under the influence of dxm.
This experience really had me thinking; particularily about how you hear some fucked up stories about people being on pcp.
Does anyone have any info on this? or any similar experiences? I wouldn't have had these gruesome thoughts if i didn't read the thing about ket addiction the day before having this experience. I deliberately tried to have gruesome thoughts, not involuntarily. Any thoughts are appreciated :D
Thanks!
 
Fwiw, PCP's psychoactive effects are involuntary and a fundamental world of difference away from your consciously-induced mental state. Your description implies you were mentally in control of your thoughts, despite your experience of enjoyment from a scene which you might ordinarily find unpleasant.

Bottom line here might well simply be that you explored how you can use drugs and a certain degree of self-control to modify your emotional reactions to a given situation.

That in and of itself is no big news though; it (probably ;) just means you're a human, much like the rest of us (most of the time, at least... ;o).

Just my two-penneth, of course.

/dm
 
In my own experience and in some of my friends, ketamine can produce very disturbing thoughts. Being addicted to ketamine I have gone into a hole and thought the police were outside my house, heard them opening the door and coming up my stairs while im paralyzed in a hole. This was obviously not real, but right as I would come down I'd snort some more k looking for that comforting anesthetic feeling but I would just get more disturbed and confused. It can be a strange contradictory thing, I've seen it happen to other people too. I've never had like gruesome gore kind of visions though, just paranoid and schizophrenic type stuff. Granted this is probably not the norm for people who use ketamine sparingly and responsibly. And I agree alot of dissociatives have a kindof dark/ void type feeling, but dark doesn't always have to be bad, it can be beautiful at the right time. But in your case you were just imagining such things on purpose so it doesn't have much to do with the nature of the drug.
 
thanks for the feedback! i think i misinterpreted the "gruesome" vicious cycle they were talking about with ket addiction :P perhaps thats why i couldnt find any info on it! xD I agree with you guys, i was in a mindstate where i had a different emotional response to the gruesome thoughts
 
No dissociative has given me violent or dark thoughts except for PCP. And with the PCP, I didn't feel dangerous or violent, I was just acting in a dangerous and irresponsible way, but in my mind I was just laughing and thought it was really funny and silly. I didn't hurt anyone, but I was crazy as hell in public doing some scary things I shouldn't have been doing.
 
Yeah, MXE makes me emotionless. If I had to describe it in one word, it would be cold or dark. Note that this is with a single dose... I could never do MXE to the point of becoming addicted.
 
I tried salvia a few times, but each time made me feel a more dissociative effect so by the third time I hated it. I was terrified.
 
I've experienced dark thought induced by dissociatives, but so have I on psychedelics. The dissociative thoughts are far less disturbing than the psychedlically induced ones because psyches make my emotions much more unstable. I've experienced extreme emotion on dissociatives, but the emotions seem much more controllable and I can shift back to an emotional baseline with far less time and effort than on psyches. If you crack on psyches, good luck feeling normal for the next few days.
 
Dissociatives may allow you to experience dark or gruesome thoughts in an analytical manner and not be emotionally affected by them.

Is this addictive? Maybe if you're a sick personality. It shouldn't be, and for most people I do not believe it is.
 
Ketamine makes me think some pretty weird shit that only makes sense at the time. Sometimes it can be really dark or twisted.
They may have been talking about the dark/evil side of just doing ketamine.. I was attracted to that. If you think about it, it is sort of a 'dark' drug. One that numbs all senses and separates one's mind from reality.

bluedolphin said:
Dissociatives may allow you to experience dark or gruesome thoughts in an analytical manner and not be emotionally affected by them.

Is this addictive? Maybe if you're a sick personality. It shouldn't be, and for most people I do not believe it is.
Click to expand...
Guess I have a sick personality, then.
 
^Not trying to be a smartass, but if you enjoy thinking violent and gruesome thoughts to the point whee you consider yourself addicted to it, isn't that pretty much the definition of a sick personality?
 
The type of thoughts and moods that I'm describing are essentially the mechanical/ zombie/ "invincible" feel that seems to be pretty common. I know I'm not the only one who has experienced this feeling... I'm just surprised more bluelighters aren't describing it by words like "manic", etc.
 
I would consider it to be manic. I've noticed increased aggressiveness of thought after using MXE for several days. Strangely though, I wouldn't describe it as feeling more irritable. More like increased confidence, inflated ego. It's certainly not healthy in the long run, but probably mostly harmless in the short term unless you're predisposed towards related mental illnesses. I've never experienced violent thoughts, actions or sadistic ideation from the use of dissociatives. Maybe from benzodiazepines, but we all know about those.
 
I've posted in different areas how I feel like dissassociative trips are dark comedies. I don't necessarily think dark or gruesome thoughts, though this wouldn't bother me much either way, their simply thoughts but I do think about the darker sides or shades of life more often on dissociatives. This is probably because I enjoy the twisted spin on things dissassociatives put on things. I feel like this thread is more about thinking of killing people, or doing something sick like that. That I suppose would be a little off putting as my corners really take a more comic dark spin rather than an excessively violent or the like spin. This doesn't bother me in the least though as I can be a dark person, but anyone who has any real thought knows that light does not exist without shadows. Just accept the darkness and learn to live with it, just don't let it consume you or become you. Good and evil are simply creations of the mind and have no real place in this world.....things simply exist and you place the darkness in them because you don't know it(obviously there are exceptions to the rule, like stated earlier, stealing peoples lives would be a good one but this should be obvious and you could do this all day but I mean more of absence of light and without light nothing can be seen and as always humans fear the unknown)yet, at least thoroughly.

I find the mania caused by MXE/others to be pretty troubling. It lulls people into continual dosing under the assumptions that its heightening them somehow. As with any chemical or substance though you can not just consume it and expect it to transform you, you must complete the work, the chemical is only their to stand as a guide and nothing more IMO. I bet the stories will continue though, AKA "I did it everyday and it was great then a year later I was doing a ton everyday...something came up....stopping....almost all positives gone.....wasted money...etc. etc.". You don't need chemicals to change yourself, you simply need the confidence boost they give you to get it started but if you continue you'll only be sucked into mental addiction and hinder yourself further.
 
If i do MXE too often or if im not feeling that good when i do it, the experience can be very sterile, dark and emotionless. more blunted than anything, i feel like a zombie or something. other times i feel amazing
 
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