Background:
Been a clubber/piller for about 5yrs....moreso in the last 3...this last year, particularly over NY i've been going quite hard.
Usually do about 2-3 pills, a half G of wizz and a few drinks on a big one.......times this by 3 i guess then over a massive weekend.
I've noticed that i've snapped at a couple of people, only ever verbally, after these huge weekends....i put it down to the old seratoinin depletion excuse, but looking back this was an obvious sign of things to come.
Last weekend:
This last event only involved 1 pill, less than half a g of wizz and a half dozen beers...it was after a week of pretty hard work...i shouldn't have really gone out to begin with. I'd been basically made redundant, lost my drivers license, and thought i'd lost my girl in the preceding 3 weeks (CRUCIAL INFO i'm thinking)
Dropped and did some wizz.....drank a couple at the club, then went to a friends work where i made a total ass of myself (don't remember more than flashes of this)...don't remember going home, during which time i apparently sent some pretty abusive text messages (very unlike me).....and it all culminated when someone i care deeply for just did not respond to something i said, and i flipped, started throwing things at walls and at them, cursing, and crying, and everything that i've never done in my life.....i only remember flashes of this too. I've never been involved in a violent act in my life, PERIOD.
I'm never one to preach to people....and please, this doesn't in any way go out to JUST eccy users (occaisional/moderate), or occaisional/moderate apmhetamines and/or alcohol users, but hey, if you reckon your the big man for being able to go harder than all your mates, and do this pretty regularly.....just a gentle warning from me....CHECK YOURSELF....you may do something you never thought yourself capable of, and lose someone precious to you in the process......i'm at the lowest point in my life right now, and i'm questioning who the fuck i really am. I'm just so lucky to have friends around me who care and know i'm not really the monster i became last weekend.
I quit a longterm pot habit and pack a day ciggy habit just over 4 years ago....i've never looked back and until last weekend i actually liked the person i'd built myself up to....i guess this is just another slap in the face that life loves to throw at ya....no more drugs for me...ever!
Peace, and see you rockin' on the dancefloors