Great at something, I'm born to hula...

Ugh, I've been planning this relapse for ages... and it's almost time, only a couple more days till I can swing it... I'm so excited, I can hardly contain myself... I've just been biding my time on a tiny dose of Suboxone, Klonopin and marijuana... things have been decent and if I didn't know what heroin was like, I'd probably be content doing only this... but I've eaten that forbidden fruit and I cannot seem to get away from it... It haunts my dreams, it haunts my waking hours... I spend my days watching fucking television and YouTube and posting on stupid forums and Bluelight and replaying New Super Mario Bros for DS and I even played World of Warcraft for the first time in like 8 years... I guess I'm just revisiting all my past addictions, I guess I should also binge and purge and cut myself to complete all of that crazy bitch stuff... I don't think I will, I just need to vent somewhere... but I'm like a kid on Christmas Eve, just trying to fall asleep because I know that Santa is coming in the morning and I even left out cookies and milk for him and I wanna peek if they're still there but I can't because of the watchful eyes of my girlfriend and sheer lack of funds... FUCK... I feel like I'm about to lose my virginity or something, I wasn't even that excited for that, man, it was such a letdown but Goddamn I know this will be fucking worth it times 10... And it's like 5am and I'm playing Born to Hula by Queens of the Stone Age on repeat and smoking spliffs of Top Tobacco and weed... I like the whole spliff thing even though I'm American, haha, I think it's pretty underrated by people here... the nicotine really gives something extra to the weed... I am just rambling, sorry, nothing intelligent to read here.