Benzos GP Meds help

[Deryn]

I have a weird addiction history but basically opioids are very bad news for me. I'm also a recovering alcoholic. I'm 48 days off codeine. Totally totally clean.

I'm having such a mental health crisis brought on by a dose of medical fentanyl. I swear it's broken my head.

I have a GP appointment this week (I'm in UK) to get help and I'm simultaneously terrified he'll give me something addictive, but also the addict in me wants to manipulate everything I can out of him.

I don't have an addiction history in my notes, just what I wrote on the form this time. This GP doesn't know me.

I know if he gives me something even mildly psychologically appealing, I'm fucked. What do I do?? Do they give out benzos easily? I swear I'm reaching for them already.

I feel like I really need this appointment but it feels really really risky. I have no idea what help they can even offer me.

The fentanyl in hospital has totally screwed me up. If I go near opioids now I swear I'm dead. I won't be able to control the cravings. If I go near alcohol I'll take codeine. I just feel like it's all on a knife edge.

I'm shouting everywhere that I need help and there's nothing.

 

[BadBoy377]

So you want to expand upon 'weird addiction history'?

You say fentanyl messed up your head, what exactly is it your feeling that's bothering you?

I would say no, don't try and milk you new gp for drugs they're unlikely to comply and it will probably be a mark against you.

Nah, they're really stingy with the benzos these days and will probably end up giving you some sort of antidepressant. Something like mirtazapine maybe which is sedating. But what sort of help is it your after?

Respect for your 48 days. Keep at it. Totally totally clean means you're in a much better place to start dealing with whatever the problem is.

BB

 

[Deryn]

QuickSo you want to expand upon 'weird addiction history'?

You say fentanyl messed up your head, what exactly is it your feeling that's bothering you?

I would say no, don't try and milk you new gp for drugs they're unlikely to comply and it will probably be a mark against you.

Nah, they're really stingy with the benzos these days and will probably end up giving you some sort of antidepressant. Something like mirtazapine maybe which is sedating. But what sort of help is it your after?

Respect for your 48 days. Keep at it. Totally totally clean means you're in a much better place to start dealing with whatever the problem is.

BB

Aside from the alcohol, 15 years of codeine. Had fentanyl in hospital a few months ago and it lit my head up with recognition. Brought back a totally buried memory of a near overdose of heroin as a teenager. I think it burned into my head deeper as I was severely anorexic at the time. I just cannot deal with this nuclear bomb that's gone off in my head.

Anyway, climbing the walls with cravings since. Had to quit the codeine because it was making the bigger cravings uncontrollable.

Head is totally obsessed with this revealed memory, cravings, etc. Just can't get it together.

A friend has a MH crisis and they've just dished out benzos easy as anything. It's terrified me because if that's offered to me I can't say no. I'll bite their hands off for it. It'll link straight back to the alcohol, etc and then I'm fucked.

I've got this GP appointment this week and I don't even know what help to ask for or what they can do. I daren't take anything but I simultaneously want everything they'll give me. I'm just in a meltdown.

Sorry, don't even know what my question really is

 

[BadBoy377]

Right. Sounds like you want drugs but know deep down that they would be really bad for you.

If that's the case then I think you should be totally honest with GP. Sounds like you've got your shit together and that taste you got in hospital has upset things and destabilised you. In which case maybe you need some kind of talking therapy to work through this.

If you want to have a rant on here go for it if you think it will help. Or drop me a PM if you prefer.

The best advice I can give you is stay off the gear don't ask your GP for anything other than counselling referral. Try and occupy your thoughts with something positive or even talk to a friend etc.

It sounds like you're contemplating some very self destructive decisions. Don't undo all your good work. That's my advice but I can only call it like I see it, I could be totally wrong.

Good luck,

BB

 

[Deryn]

Right. Sounds like you want drugs but know deep down that they would be really bad for you.

If that's the case then I think you should be totally honest with GP. Sounds like you've got your shit together and that taste you got in hospital has upset things and destabilised you. In which case maybe you need some kind of talking therapy to work through this.

If you want to have a rant on here go for it if you think it will help. Or drop me a PM if you prefer.

The best advice I can give you is stay off the gear don't ask your GP for anything other than counselling referral. Try and occupy your thoughts with something positive or even talk to a friend etc.

It sounds like you're contemplating some very self destructive decisions. Don't undo all your good work. That's my advice but I can only call it like I see it, I could be totally wrong.

Good luck,

BB

Thank you. Yeah you did see it right.

I've got that whole Smeagol/Gollum thing going on about accepting/refusing stuff.

Just need my head to stop screaming .. but need to not take anything to shut it up.

Thank you

 

[BadBoy377]

Ok. Well just don't take any drugs and everything will be ok. This will pass.

Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon.

BB

 

[Deryn]

Ok. Well just don't take any drugs and everything will be ok. This will pass.

Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon.

BB

Thanks. I know it's so bloody simple.. but not. Y'know?

 

[BadBoy377]

Thanks. I know it's so bloody simple.. but not. Y'know?

Yeah, I really do. Stay strong