This is about the only site I visit on even a weekly basis, but my thoughts need some outlet. I might only talk about one or two things here, but I'm not going to force out some kind of memoir, autobiography, story-of-my-life bullshit here.
What does it say about me that my username on most websites is gothimspun? Got. Him. Spun. On other sites I've been the ice princess or the ice queen, but over time for personal reasons that one has negative connotations to me now.
I'll only make an effort to listen to my favorite music, browse my favorite sites, even to bother checking my Facebook or email much if I'm high. Well, I am always high on something, the only times I've been sober were 60 days spent in jail.
I'd estimate my attempt at rehab lasted 10 days max before relapse. & even this is utter bullshit because though I had quit the daily opiates I was still constantly stoned off my ass, taking dxm, benadryl, etc. I'd not even last one day now.
When I tried before opiates were my only constant companion, but the last few years passed in a haze of daily opiate, benzo, and amphetamine use. My 3 compadres, my comfort food, they seemed as necessary as oxygen to survive...
And somehow still they have managed to hide most their bad side away from me, like a new boyfriend who's not yet sure enough about his status to show his uglier side. That trio still holds its appeal to me...
But one down for good now, I think. Please? I've been off Klonipin since early in June 2016. It was hell, still is, still think of them nearly every day even though in a few months it will be a year without my benzos.
And I'm now going to a suboxone doctor. Still fucking things up a whole lot. Getting fucked up, sometimes stoned or spun out... My teeth need tons of work, once I get that done this week (if I can find my insurance card, that is, fuck) I'm gonna have a less hellish times cutting out opiates when I don't have constant throbbing pain.
That is what I get for smoking so much meth, and you reap what you sow. I'm reaping, baby. I'm also trying hard, to slow this lifestyle to a stop.
My youngest son will be 6 months old on March 7, he needs me. That's the plan. If everything continues in this positive direction for me, around his 1st birthday he'll live with me again, full-time.
#workingonit
What does it say about me that my username on most websites is gothimspun? Got. Him. Spun. On other sites I've been the ice princess or the ice queen, but over time for personal reasons that one has negative connotations to me now.
I'll only make an effort to listen to my favorite music, browse my favorite sites, even to bother checking my Facebook or email much if I'm high. Well, I am always high on something, the only times I've been sober were 60 days spent in jail.
I'd estimate my attempt at rehab lasted 10 days max before relapse. & even this is utter bullshit because though I had quit the daily opiates I was still constantly stoned off my ass, taking dxm, benadryl, etc. I'd not even last one day now.
When I tried before opiates were my only constant companion, but the last few years passed in a haze of daily opiate, benzo, and amphetamine use. My 3 compadres, my comfort food, they seemed as necessary as oxygen to survive...
And somehow still they have managed to hide most their bad side away from me, like a new boyfriend who's not yet sure enough about his status to show his uglier side. That trio still holds its appeal to me...
But one down for good now, I think. Please? I've been off Klonipin since early in June 2016. It was hell, still is, still think of them nearly every day even though in a few months it will be a year without my benzos.
And I'm now going to a suboxone doctor. Still fucking things up a whole lot. Getting fucked up, sometimes stoned or spun out... My teeth need tons of work, once I get that done this week (if I can find my insurance card, that is, fuck) I'm gonna have a less hellish times cutting out opiates when I don't have constant throbbing pain.
That is what I get for smoking so much meth, and you reap what you sow. I'm reaping, baby. I'm also trying hard, to slow this lifestyle to a stop.
My youngest son will be 6 months old on March 7, he needs me. That's the plan. If everything continues in this positive direction for me, around his 1st birthday he'll live with me again, full-time.
#workingonit
