Goodnight, Thursaday, hello Fri-- WTF it's Saturday?

[Polynomial]

I wish I could use drugs "responsibly" but the fact is I want to get as far from reality as I can - without blacking out that is.I'm horrible depressed and I know my girlfriend will leave me if all this bullshit happening. I don't know what to do. I try to do 12 step programs, and all sorts of shit but I can't shake it.

I'm sick of looking for a sturdy beam/hook to hang myslef from, or thinking of how to get to the stop of a really high building and jump off.

I am fucking SICK of this.

 

[herbavore]

Sounds like you are desperate for a change. It is hard to work towards it when you are depressed so I would advise you to address that first. Wanting to get as far from reality as possible is a terrible state to be in and I can empathize. Are you trying any counseling? Just going to 12 step meetings without any support for the underlying issues that make you want to use probably isn't enough.