furthurgone
Greenlighter
I'm sorry for re posting but I figured that I probably should've posted in this thread, not the psychedelic thread.
For my first post I'd like to talk about a struggle I've been putting myself through the past couple years. I had a really weird acid/shroom trip around some people who had never smoked pot or anything so it wasn't the best setting. I kept screaming of joy then being in terror then just wanting everyone to experience what I was experiencing. I did some weird stuff, I'll leave that part out. Basically, I was really embarrassed the next day. I felt stuck in a negative thought loop about how embarrassed I was and began to be embarrassed about everything i did.
I started getting paranoid smoking, but I did not want to quit smoking cause I was scared of what my friends would think. Eventually I quit smoking, couldn't take it anymore. Was pretty depressed for awhile, felt that i was unable to give or receive love. Felt very depressed. When I hit a low of depression I decided it is up to me to react positively or negatively to what happens, cause dwelling on the past is just a waste of time. I began to be honest with myslef, and once I began to accept myself I began to be honest with others.
I started smoking pot again recently, and initially felt very paranoid. I decided to to try and discover the source of my paranoia. I talked to a good friend of mine and he made me feel assured, reminding me that everyone gets these thoughts, it's just a result of being high. I felt liberated as I realized it was my choice what kind of high I was going to have. And when I'm not high, all I wanna do is be high, so I might as well enjoy it when I am high.
It feels good to be back on the right track, although I know I must be resilient and not worry about controlling everything. I'm open to the idea of doing acid again (btw that was my fifth acid trip and 10th shroom trip, but first time together), but for now I am not worried about that. I don't think I am comfortable enough with myself to face that right now. For now, I am happy rediscovering the beauty of marijuana. I can enjoy the little things I wouldn't normally notice, I can face stressful situations more calmly if I choose, and I can be honest with myself about changes I should make in my daily life.
I'm kinda high right now, and have followed bluelight threads a bit, but never made an account and posted. So I thought I'd share some of my experiences and thoughts. Would love to hear some comments, questions, similar experiences, some kind words, or anything cool to discuss.
For my first post I'd like to talk about a struggle I've been putting myself through the past couple years. I had a really weird acid/shroom trip around some people who had never smoked pot or anything so it wasn't the best setting. I kept screaming of joy then being in terror then just wanting everyone to experience what I was experiencing. I did some weird stuff, I'll leave that part out. Basically, I was really embarrassed the next day. I felt stuck in a negative thought loop about how embarrassed I was and began to be embarrassed about everything i did.
I started getting paranoid smoking, but I did not want to quit smoking cause I was scared of what my friends would think. Eventually I quit smoking, couldn't take it anymore. Was pretty depressed for awhile, felt that i was unable to give or receive love. Felt very depressed. When I hit a low of depression I decided it is up to me to react positively or negatively to what happens, cause dwelling on the past is just a waste of time. I began to be honest with myslef, and once I began to accept myself I began to be honest with others.
I started smoking pot again recently, and initially felt very paranoid. I decided to to try and discover the source of my paranoia. I talked to a good friend of mine and he made me feel assured, reminding me that everyone gets these thoughts, it's just a result of being high. I felt liberated as I realized it was my choice what kind of high I was going to have. And when I'm not high, all I wanna do is be high, so I might as well enjoy it when I am high.
It feels good to be back on the right track, although I know I must be resilient and not worry about controlling everything. I'm open to the idea of doing acid again (btw that was my fifth acid trip and 10th shroom trip, but first time together), but for now I am not worried about that. I don't think I am comfortable enough with myself to face that right now. For now, I am happy rediscovering the beauty of marijuana. I can enjoy the little things I wouldn't normally notice, I can face stressful situations more calmly if I choose, and I can be honest with myself about changes I should make in my daily life.
I'm kinda high right now, and have followed bluelight threads a bit, but never made an account and posted. So I thought I'd share some of my experiences and thoughts. Would love to hear some comments, questions, similar experiences, some kind words, or anything cool to discuss.
